Post # 1
I’m a little disappointed because my husband is a VAULT of emotions… I’d really like to get excited with him about the baby, each milestone we hit, etc. but I get ZERO from him. He’s generally not an emotional person to begin with and rarely shows affection etc., so I guess this is nothing out of charachter, I’m just disappointed when I hear about other SOs/DHs getting involved/excited and mine is just stone. I asked him the other day which of our trait would he wish for the baby, and even THAT was too sentimental of a question… he blew it off in spite of my begging for just a simple answer.
Honestly, I’d question if he even wanted this baby if it wasn’t for the fact that when I had bright red bleeding and we thought I as miscarrying I saw some tears well up in his eyes. I just keep hanging onto that moment, trying to remind myself he really does care…
I was just wondering if any of the other bees are going through the same experience of having disconnected husband… It would be nice to know I’m not alone.
Post # 3
How far along are you? It’s not uncommon for men to not get excited until after they see the baby on the ultrasound, know the gender, see your growing belly, etc. Also, by and large, men will never be as “into” their mate’s pregnancy as much as the mom is into it. That doesn’t mean that he won’t be ecstatic when the baby is born. In fact, many men say that the pregnancy doesn’t feel “real” until the baby is born!
Post # 4
My Darling Husband has been very supportive of how I’ve been feeling (miserable with morning sickness), but only started feeling like it was “real” when he saw the heartbeat on an ultrasound yesterday. I still don’t think it’s really hit home for either one of us. I think it’s so hard for them to understand what’s going on most of the time since it’s not happening to them. Have you tried getting him any daddy-to-be books? I got a hilarious one called “My boys can swim!” and Darling Husband loved it.
I also think it’s hard for them to want to cherish something that makes us feel so sick (at least in the beginning) haha. My friend who is 25 weeks said her husband wasn’t really into it until he felt the baby kick – THEN he went into overdrive with getting everything finished in the nursery and whatnot.
Post # 5
My Darling Husband wasn’t so into the pregnancy, until about 16 weeks, when I really started to show, I was feeling movement and Braxton Hicks, and I wasn’t so sick and tired all of the time. He thought the ultrasounds were cool, and I had had 4 up until that point, and he came to every one, and loved seeing the baby wiggle around, but something about it was just not that tangable until he saw me changing on the ourside. I think he just looked at me as being ill for the first 16 weeks, because all I did was throw up all the time, and just felt crappy, and I think in my case, Darling Husband just missed having his normal wife around.
He has been into things even more so since he could feel the baby moving himself a few weeks ago. He has gotten more and more into things, has come shopping for baby stuff, and has had good input on picking things out, helped me make decisions about the nursery decor and stuff. He has also gotten relaly gung ho about doing the renovations we need done before babies arrival. I think the early stages are hard to them, because all the changes that we are feeling are things that aren’t really *real* to them.
Just be patient, I am sure once you look more pregnant, and he can feel the movement your Darling Husband will be more involved!
Post # 6
@winniewolf: I’ll be 11 weeks tomorrow. We’ve had two ultrasounds, so he’s seen the heartbeat and seen the baby moving around on the ultrasound. That was enough to motivate him to ask the ultrasound tech a couple of questions, and even THAT excites me! ha, it’s more interest than I get usually.
@shimmerofheaven: Thanks for the suggestion – I’ll definitely look into that book! Once the baby is born is going to be way too late for me… I’m hoping that once the baby starts kicking and we know the gender that’ll get ‘im going a bit 🙂
Post # 7
A lot of guys only show true emotion when they baby arrives or when you are close to your due date because thats when it becomes real. My Husband loved being at my 11 week scan to see the baby on the ultrasound screen and that really made it seem real for him. Now that I am 27 weeks he talks about the baby much more than he did in the 1st trimester
Post # 8
@PandasWifey: I don’t think it’s uncommon at all what you are going through. I think the farther along you get the more excited he will be! Darling Husband was really quiet/not jumping up and down about our pregnancy until after our ultrasound at 10 wks where my OB said my risk of miscarriage was very low. He has gotten progressively more excited about things along the way (finding out gender, furniture shopping, name selection). Are you finding out the gender? Sometimes that can be a good way for dad and baby to bond.
Post # 9
It probably just still seems unreal for him. Maybe when you start showing it will hit him more.
Post # 10
Also keep in mind that some men don’t get into the baby thing. I have a friend that told me “for the first 18 months I hated the f**ker”. He was kinda joking, but kinda not. But now that the kid is around 4yo, he’s the best Dad. It just takes guys some time to work into the role of DAD.
Post # 11
Mine hasn’t really been into it since getting pregnant. He stared at the ultrasound picture last week and was in awe. Otherwise, it’s really not interested or even worried like me about the fears I have. He knows that I worry and over worry, so him not feeding into my fears and worries helps too.
Post # 12
I’m sorry you’re going through this. 🙁 I think my Darling Husband is overly protective of me but I think that stems from his psycho ex and his first daughter. She didn’t let him come around at all when she was pregnant and when his daughter was a small baby. He’s occasionally asking me if I’ve felt the LO move yet(I’m 14w 2d). He doesn’t ask often and hasn’t talked to the baby yet but I keep telling myself once we get farther along and he can feel the baby move he’ll be more excited….hoping the same is for you and your Darling Husband. Hang in there. 🙂
A mom becomes a mom when she finds out she’s pregnant, a dad becomes a dad when he see’s his child for the first time.
Post # 13
A lot of people say women become moms when they find out they’re pregnant and men become dads when they hold the baby the first time. It’s happening in your body so it’s easier for you to comprehend. As time has gone my husband is more into my belly, and now that I can feel the baby moving he’s much more into it and looking forward to feel the baby kick too. This will also be his second child, so it’s easier for him to conceptualize that this is all going to result in a baby. Everyone is different about how they show excitement. I also just became excited when the MS stopped and the baby movement started at 17 weeks. Before that I was somewhat like your husband, basically dettached.
I think it’s worth telling him that you hope he feels comfortable talking to you about his excitement and worries surrounding the baby, but also give him time. It probably doesn’t feel real for him yet. Men also worry a lot about how they’re going to provide for thier family, so talking about the baby actually being born may be a little overwhelming for him now, but I bet he’ll be more excited when the time comes.
Post # 14
You have to remember, your husband doesn’t get to feel and experience all that you do during a pregnancy. For many men, it’s not real until that baby is born. It’s hard to form a connection with a moving bump, and in your case, it’s the expectation of a bump right now. Don’t force it, he’ll come around in his own time.
Post # 15
Some ladies have already said that whole thing about women becoming moms when we get pregnant and men becoming dads when they hold the baby. I think that’s pretty true. They just can’t experience it like we can until the baby is there. My Darling Husband is the same way, he’s sweet and supportive, but not that into me telling him what’s going on each week, or wanting to feel every time she kicks. But, he does have her u/s picture as his phone background and gets excited when he gets to see her in the u/s or when he can see my stomach moving because she’s squirming. Just give it some time, he’ll come around the more visible your pregnancy is and the more he gets to see and feel–just wait to see his face when he holds that baby for the first time 🙂
Post # 16
Darling Husband only really got excited about 2 weeks ago after the first time he felt her move. He has been extremely unattached about the whole thing. He doesn’t get excited, he doesn’t really get involved. The only other time I have seen him excited was when we did our gender ultrasound and he saw her (actually looking like a baby) for the first time.
I think the PPs really hit the nail on the head when they mentioned that men don’t get into it until the babies are here. They don’t experience the pregnancy the way we do. They don’t get the emotions or the movement or the small, special things that happen for us. It’s far more real for us than it is for them.
Give him some time. He’ll come around eventually.