Post # 1
Just a little vent/wondering if anyone else is in the same boat and how you are handling it.
Fiance & I had anticipated paying for the wedding completely on our own – but we’re young and just beginning our careers so we knew it’d be on a budget and were fine with that.
Out of nowhere, both FI’s parents and my Mom had said they would help! FI’s parents even gave us a monetary figure. Here’s the problem: his parents are notoriously irresponsible with their money – like to the point where their phones and electricity get cut off, but rest assured the giant TV and the cable are still in the living room. So although we are both grateful for the offer, we know we shouldn’t count on the money until it’s in our hands.
But…Fiance has a huge family and although he’s repeatedly told his parents we can’t afford a 150 person wedding and want a 60 person wedding, they keep bringing it up like they expect the money to fall from the sky or something. I was showing his father the possible ceremony venue last night and when I mentioned the price for a Saturday evening wedding, he responded with, “Oh, that’s not bad.” NOT BAD??? It’s almost the entire amount of what you offered us and that’s ONLY for the ceremony venue!!! (BTW, we want to get married at that venue on an off-time to save money b/c Sat. night is just not doable w/our budget).
*sigh* I know they aren’t money-wise on a daily basis, so our wedding is no different, it’s just frustrating.
Anyone else dealing with something similar? Any tips on how to deal with this?
Post # 3
I wouldn’t sign any contracts until their money is in your bank account, if you decide to accept their money. I’ve seen way too many girls get screwed over because they were promised money and it didn’t come through.
Until they give you money, keep within your own budget that you can afford with your own money.
As far as IL’s will no money skills, yes, Mother-In-Law is the same way. She has never depended on herself for anything; she keeps bouncing from one family member to the next.
Post # 4
If the current economic situation is any indicator, I think a good number of Americans are completely irresponsible with their money. If you’re worried that their contribution to the wedding may mean that they insist on having say on the guest list/size of your wedding, I say plan the wedding you can afford and refuse their contribution. If they end up giving the money to you anyway (which is no guarantee even if you do accept that they will contribute) use it to upgrade your honeymoon or save for an awesome anniversary trip!
Post # 5
I totally agree with qcwest!
Post # 6
OMG…I totally sympathize! I would say that you cannot (SHOULD NOT) count on that money until the cash is in your hand or the (cleared!) check is in the bank.
My situation is not identical, but FI’s mom (divorced) is SO out-of-it when it comes to … well, just about everything, actually … but especially money and finances. She has never held a job and paid her own bills (her wealthy mother supported her until her death) and she “hints” all the time that we should be helping her out financially (she’s 64 and always has some ‘illness’ that doctors can never find or treat).
So, of course she’s not paying a dime toward our wedding or rehearsal dinner. If she even gives us a wedding gift, it’ll be something random she found at a tag sale. But, she does weigh in from time to time to tell us a choice we’ve made isn’t good enough. For example, she said our Rehearsal Dinner hall is ‘like a church basement’ and we should take guests — 40-50 of them — to an expensive restaurant. Umm…hello! WHERE DOES SHE THINK THE MONEY WILL COME FROM? It’s just funny to me that she’ll both not contribute and criticize. Sheesh.
Your situation sounds more challenging, though, because you don’t want to come right out and say you don’t trust Future Father-In-Law to come up with the money, but given past history, why should you?
Post # 7
My parents are actually like that. They have crazy priorities and the only people I know who will go one a week long vacation with no hot water or electricity in the house. But when it came to my wedding, my parents made no bones about it, they were going to contribute to the wedding. And some how, they made it happen (he also paid off his car, so I guess that freed up some money). And it hasnt stopped coming. And they havent tried to throw their weight around, because they have contributed which is nice. They wanted me to have what I wanted and that was so great. My Future Mother-In-Law however has an opinion about everything and hasnt ponied up a dime…but let them take a responsibility little by little and see what they do. A deopsit here or there…it might make a difference…
Post # 8
Wow, this sounds like my FFIL! He keeps telling us to put off buying a truck, because when he buys a new one he`ll give us his old one. Key word there is the *when.*
FH & I never really take him on his word when it comes to finances.. or any promises really (something FH learned a looooooong time ago as a kid).
Example, he mentions giving us his ole reliable, then whisks off to the Ukraine for a week (3000$+ trip), and plans on replacing his roof in August. Not that we sit around rubbing our greedy little paws over the possibility of getting a *free* vehicle, rather we kind of roll our eyes and laugh at his foolishness; we understand he`s trying to be nice, but also realize that he burns through cash faster than you can say supercalifragiliscticexpialidotious.