(Closed) Anyone else's FI feel strongly about/pressure you/dictate your ring choice?

posted 6 years ago in Rings
Post # 2
Member
5648 posts
Bee Keeper

How do you feel he didn’t care about your wishes?

Post # 3
Member
2430 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA

Well, my DH chose my ring and surprised me, so he automatically discounted any ring he didn’t like and of course dictated my ring choice (since I didn’t know about it until after) but to me that’s not a bad thing. 

He and I never talked about my ring preferences in advance, he just looked at my other jewelry and went with something he liked that matched my style, and he did a great job.  

I think a lot of the people who end up with ring disappointment put their emphasis on the wrong things.  It’s just a piece of jewelry. 

Post # 4
Member
916 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

My hubby is a very accommodating man & is willing to please me no matter what. I’m glad you like your engagement ring but how would you have felt if you didn’t like it? It’s your forever ring, I’m glad it turned out positively. Please post it, congrats 

Post # 5
Member
2214 posts
Buzzing bee

The only thing Fiance didn’t want in a ring was a colored diamond. I love yellow diamonds and thought seriously about getting one for my engagement ring but Fiance wanted something more traditional.

Post # 9
Member
1590 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

It’s always the thought that counts when it comes to gifts. 

It says a lot about the gift giver when the thought is “I don’t give a fuck what you want, I’m getting you what I want you to have.”

Post # 10
Member
10286 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

View original reply
MrsAAA:  i’m sorry you feel so crappy about the way it went down.

I wanted a sapphire but Fiance wanted a diamond. he was not mean about it and I didn’t feel disregarded. I showed him examples of the classic styles I’m drawn to and he took it from there. So, I think it’s possible certainly to disagree, but resolve it in a way that isn’t hurtful or mean. There’s no reason for that. 

Post # 11
Member
277 posts
Helper bee

I feel like I’m alone here but…

i don’t think one should have a say in their engagement ring. It’s supposed to be a surprise, something your soon to be Fiance picks for you based on what he knows about you.

what I loved most about my ring was that he picked it for me, he thought this ring was for me so he got it for me. 

We never went ring shopping, I never showed him anything online…

Post # 12
Member
494 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

View original reply
Jabberwocky:  I’m with you, I absolutely do not understand this logic.

Sorry, OP, but I absolutely cannot fathom the mentality of “It’s a gift from me therefore I have to like it too”. I have never in my life gone shopping for a gift for someone and thought to myself, “Well, I know for a fact that they’ll love this scarf, but I really don’t like it so I’m going to get them this one instead that I know they won’t like as much.” It makes absolutely no sense. You have to wear it and look at it all the time. 

If my then-FI/now-DH were better at taking style hints and running with it, that’s exactly what we would have done. As it turns out he knows nothing about jewelry, so we chose to design it together. He was 100% comfortable going this route because all he cared about was making me happy. His taste is more modern while mine is a bit more vintage, but he absolutely adores my ring because of how happy I am when I look at it.

Post # 13
Member
1590 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

View original reply
BeeutifulBee:  That’s great that that’s what you wanted, but other people aren’t wrong for shopping together. “It should be a surprise that you have no say in” isn’t the one true way that everyone should stick to. 

Post # 14
Member
2430 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA

View original reply
MrsAAA:  I agree that his approach wasn’t the best.  If he wanted your opinion he should have respected it when you gave it, it sounds like the issue isn’t the ring at all but rather his way of handling the whole situation, at which point, I agree, he’s out of line here.  It sounds like he was pretty rude about the whole thing. 

I would talk to him about it, but instead of saying anything about not liking your ring, talk about the communication specifically.  Instead of “I really wish you had listened and purchased X instead of Y” go more for something like “the way you responded when I said I liked Y really made me feel like you didn’t value my opinion” help him understand it’s not about the RING, it’s about his ATTITUDE. 

Post # 15
Member
806 posts
Busy bee

When that cusion cut is set in a 4 prong, the edges will look sharper like the second picture. The prongs really help give another illusion. That stone is beautiful, you must show us when its set! 

Im so sorry he was mean about not listening to your opinion, looks like he shouldnt have asked in the first place if he was stubborn about his own taste :/ 

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