(Closed) Anyone else’s inlaws not a fan of them?

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
3866 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@SoontobeMrsA:  awwwwww, sorry to hear that! 

From my experience (my FI’s mom isn’t that thrilled with me and the whole story is long and really controversial), the only thing to do is be nice and talk to your Fiance.

I’m lucky that at least my FI’s dad likes me, so it helps.

Here’s what I do: I ask questions about things I know she’s good at (gardening, for example… I have anything BUT a green thumb!) and I smile and listen and nod and sorta agree even if I don’t agree.

Are they extremely religious?  my FI’s parents are and they are also old fashioned in soooo many ways.  Maybe you could ask your Fiance for suggestions?  I tried that and it’s helped… some.  I at least understand WHY she is the way she is and we can at least chat now and I don’t have to worry about getting the “evil eye”.  Between us girls, though? She’s still got a loooong way to go.

sorry your having a rough time. not sure if my suggestions or comment is helpful, but hopefully something will help! 

Post # 4
Member
1560 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

@SoontobeMrsA: I can’t relate, but thought I’d just say I’m sorry! 🙁 If you don’t mind me asking–how old are you? To be completely honest I’m 26 and am pretty damned immature, I like fart jokes, never feel like an ‘adult’ but that’s just me 😉

Post # 5
Member
606 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Totally have felt your pain, My Mother-In-Law hated me for sooo very long.  It took 12 years for us to workout a treaty between us.  We are now on good terms and I just ignore the mean comments or shove it rigth back at her immediately so I dont brew.  I hope you dont wait so long to just sit down and put it on the table. It also helped that we had been married 12 years and I told her I was going nowhere soon.  First she wouldnt admit she hated me, she insisted it was in my head but I broke it down for her and finally she just nodded and apologized.  My advise is to be specific with her and just let her know that you appreciate and respect that she raised the man you love and you want to be accepted(maybe not adored) by her.  I promise I will be the BEST Mother-In-Law when my boys find that special someone!

Post # 7
Member
1560 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

Well let’s be honest, you might be younger than him, but it was HIS choice to marry you and I would like to think that his family would understand and respect his decision. If they don’t, do you have to see them very much? :/

Post # 9
Member
3866 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@SoontobeMrsA: hmmmmm… could it be she doesn’t approve of the age difference? 

I’ve gotten my share of disapproving looks when people find out my Fiance is 13 years older than me… and my mom originally HATED him (of course, she also hated my SIL before she married my brother, too… go figure). 

Maybe she’s just finding it hard to accept that her baby boy is finally getting married?  and you aren’t the “picture perfect” bride SHE had always seen him marrying? 

Just tossing out ideas, so please PLEASE don’t take offense to any of this!!!!! 

Post # 10
Member
1560 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

@SoontobeMrsA: That makes it really difficult. I’m so sorry to hear about that. I’d love to say “at least he’s close with his family” but that doesn’t seem like it’s all that great of a thing in this situation.

Post # 13
Member
3866 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@SoontobeMrsA: lol, well, that’s some consolation, right?  Maybe it’s just the age difference?  Or the fact he’s remarrying?  Does he have any ideas on why they don’t like you?

regardless, it still stinks.  Especially since it makes you incomfortable and, I’m guessing, feeling out of place!  (That’s how I feel A LOT when visiting my FI’s parents…)

Post # 14
Member
1560 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

@SoontobeMrsA: Have you been together long? I am probably just digging but I’m such a people-pleaser that I always want to “fix” things like this.

Post # 15
Member
14494 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

This may change after the wedding.  FHs family was cordial but not really welcoming.  We did the JOP thing in June (really long story) and ever since then, I have been a regular member of the family.  His sisters will even call me now just because.

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