You’re not alone OP – to be honest, I tend to get quite worried about friends who are saying they’re loving lockdown, because I think they are the ones who are not responding normally right now – being anxious, depressed, tearful, angry, frightened or frustrated are all normal responses to this extreme situation.
I’m an introvert, so find it easy to spend long periods of time on my own, but I do miss my fiance terribly, especially as we don’t know when we can get married. I’m working four afternoons a week, but find it extra stressful going out to work (I can’t work from home) as everything is so different, it’s a constant reminder of what is happening. Plus the rest of my work is cancelled, so things are worrying financially.
I started finding it really hard to leave the house on Monday afternoon, after spending 2.5 days at home, so I’ve deliberately signed up for a volunteer role that means I have to leave the house for at least one hour a day EVERY day (it’s a local group offering help to people who can’t leave their houses, buying shopping, getting medicine etc). Some days it is so hard to walk through the front door, but I know I need to keep doing it.
Other things that have helped are getting as much fresh air as possible – I have a tiny garden, and I spend as much time as possible sitting out in it, even if I have to wrap up in blankets when it’s cold! (If you don’t have a garden, try sitting near an open window). I also try to make sure I do something useful around the house each day, even if it’s just washing some dishes or dusting one room. And I’ve accepted that some days are harder than others – on the worst days, it’s an ‘achievement’ if I’ve got dressed and eaten something. On better days, I try to encourage myself to do a bit more!
Don’t underestimate how physically exhausting the constant stress is either – I’m finding I can do less as we get further into lockdown because I am having less and less energy. Again, I think this is normal, as our energy is depleted by the ongoing stress, and we don’t have access to many of the things that would normally ‘recharge’ us, such as friends, family or visits to places we love. Be gentle with yourself, and please, if you are getting to the desperate stage, reach out to someone for help, whether it’s a friend, a professional or a helpline – every country has at least one support line for people who are feeling depressed or suicidal. We may have to stay physically apart, but no one has to go through this alone. Sending hugs to all those who are suffering today xxx