Post # 1
I swear my mom thinks this is her wedding. Instead of this being a bonding period for us, it has really highlighted our different personalities. My mom has always been the opinionated “stagemom” type from when I was little. I was very into sports and she was THAT mom. We grew older, never had a super close relationship and then I moved to a different city. I now see her only about 4 times a year for a couple days at a time. Our relationship has gotten much better since I’ve been away, sad as that is.
This whole wedding process has brought back that stage mom attitude. It has shown up in several different ways but here is an example. I posted before about the dress she chose which was a light champagne/ivory heavily beaded gown with a train. Could have been a wedding dress. I told her nicely my concerns and she was not very receptive and acted like it was a direct attack. We finally got it sorted out and she has a new dress. Now she tells me she wants to do her hair half up half down with extensions. Theres a few concerns with this, first of all that is how I’m doing my hair (and she knows it). Second, she’s in her 50s and I think extensions are a bit much. My mom and I look similar and I just want to look like my own person on my wedding day. I also don’t want my mom looking like she is trying to be a 25 year old bride! I know it sounds like a trivial detail but knowing my mom and her history of trying to one up or compete with me, it bothers me. She has always tried to wear my clothes, dress like me, look like me, etc. I just want her to be a normal mom and act her age.
Shes also very opinionated and outspoken and I’m worried she will embarrass me in front of my out of town guests, friends and FIs family that she has never met. My people from home already know how she is but these are brand new people that don’t.
I’m sad because I was hoping this wedding experience would bond us, and instead it’s done the opposite. Anyone else have mom trouble?
Post # 2
I feel for you! My mom is kind of the same way…..but she is not really wanting to be involved with wedding stuff and we have some other drama going on between us….
Have you tried talking to her? I know with moms like that it just one ear and it goes out the other. I would maybe try pursuading her by telling her what she wants to hear……like giving her a taste of her own medicine. For example: Tell her yoiu are SO excited for the wedding but also tell her that you want her to look her absolute best…..NOT only is it a BIG day for you (bride) but ALSO for MOM ;). Tell her that she has to look the most sophisticated and elegant BECAUSE SHE is the Mother of the bride! and try showing pictures of what YOU want but convince her that she would look the best in that because THAT IS the most elegant and will make her stand out the most….catch my drift?
Post # 3
I’m sorry, Bee, that’s awful. I think your mom is being extremely selfish and from what you’ve posted, I agree your mom is competing with you. I remember the MOB dress she had picked and it looked very bridal to me. It sounds very hurtful that she is unable to let the spotlight be on you on your wedding day, which is what EVERY bride deserves. I dont think it will change anything, and she’ll probably try to downplay her actions, but I do think you should tell her honestly how you feel. Even if it doesn’t change anything, at least you don’t have to let it fester.
Post # 4
Ive talked to her about the dress and it was super dramatic at first but finally it’s sorted out. She is incredibly difficult to talk to so I get intimidated for sure. I know how she reacts to things. When she told me she wanted to do that to her hair (it was over text) I told her I thought her hair would be really pretty in a soft Updo with dangly earrings and sent a picture of an idea. She never responded. I feel like this is something I’ll have to address when I talk to her live next. It’s just not cool.
I agree, I should have a conversation with her. I’m just so nervous how shes going to react. She’s the type of person that could easily hold a grudge and I don’t want it to translate into the wedding day. All I want to do is enjoy this process with her but I also dont want to feel like she’s striving for the spotlight on my wedding and resent that.
Post # 5
Well I am glad you got her sorted over the dress, sounded pretty awful from the ‘look at me, I could be the bride’ angle. I’d let the hair thing go actually , she won’t look look just like you , she’ll look just like you , only 30 years older .
If she is striving for the spotlight, and she probably is or will be, then nothing you do can help that , and opposition almost certainly will make it worse. Suggestion as to how she should look won’t go down well either (actually , I’d be a tad miffed myself if I was sent a picture of how I was supposed to look even if it was phrased as ‘ you’d look great like this)
Let it go OP , she is your mum when all is said and done .
You are going to look wonderful and she is going to look like ” a lady whom time hath surprised ” as I believe Raleigh is supposed to have said about Elizabeth the 1st.