(Closed) Anyone else’s Moms jerks when it comes to wedding stuff?

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
142 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Congrats on your weight loss! It sounds like you worked very hard.

My mom is kinda crazy, too. I just try to focus on the good people in my life and not dwell on the things she does. Don’t let her drag you down! 

Post # 4
Member
468 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

Well, my relationship is not quite the same as my mom doesn’t call me a bitch or anything like that. We’re very pleasant with one another and see or talk to each other daily. However, she seems to have absolutely no interest whatsoever in my wedding.

What makes it more diffiuclt… In 2008, my male cousin (who rarely interacts with the family & whose father is a multi-millionaire) let us know that he had married a Russian woman while on a cruise ship. My mom got all excited and decided that since they hadn’t had a formal wedding, SHE was going to host a cocktail & heavy apps reception for them. She began talking with a planner and trying to zero in on a date, but then the cousin announced they were separating so she let it go.

Earlier this year, my aunt & uncle marked their 50th anniversary & their 2 daughters did nothing…NOTHING to celebate it. My mom decided again that she would come to the rescue and enlisted myself & another cousin to help her plan a surprise formal party for about 150 people. She sent invitations, planned a menu, hired a DJ, did decor, etc. all in about 8 weeks and it was really, really nice.

For whatever reason, she has no interest in my plans. If I ask her opinion on something, she just says, “whatever you choose will be fine.” She did, however, go with us to look at some venues and pay the $1,000 deposit on the spot for the one we all liked. Fiance & I were willing to pay, but she said she wanted to that for us. But other than that & a traumatic dress shopping experience, that’s all.

Don’t let it get to you and don’t try to analyze why your mom is the way she is, just accept it and keep mmoving forward. Try to surround yourself with friends and relatives who are pleasant & are excited and happy for you and get support from them.

Good luck to you!

Post # 5
Member
459 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Congrats on the weight loss!

I agree with the advice to try to let it go and take her comments or lack there of with a grain of salt and just try to confide in those people who are excited and happy for you!

-Best

Post # 6
Member
80 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I’m really sad to see that your relationship with your mom is poor. I can understand some of that.  My mom and I were like best friends (granted, we did have our share of arguments here and there and she didn’t ever, ever like to say she was sorry or wrong!) up till some issues came up in her marriage, and then of course, that boiled over into our family and her relationship with me.  Things just worsened when I found my dear fiance.  And they’ve been on a downward spiral FAST since! 

My mother has never even so much as breathed ONE word of acknowledgment that I’m engaged. Not even one word.  And she has also said nothing about our wedding coming up on 10/9/10.  But then again, she has only spoken with me literally three times since January of this year, by phone.

She has also always been pretty critical of my weight.  Looking back at the times I was looking good and was a healthy weight, she would be happy for me and yet ALWAYS had to add in, “Well, you look good at this weight, how about ____ lbs?”  And now, that I weigh the heaviest I ever have (and yes, I AM overweight right now, and I personally am the least satisifed about my weight and body image of anyone!), she actually outright tells me she is concerned about me because “everyone” is grievously shocked at how I look.  In other words, it’s ALL about body image with her. Outward appearances. And it’s all so ironic, because I can’t recall any of my life when she was not overweight. It was contributed to health problems she had. But I never criticized her being overweight. When she’d ask me, “Are you embarassed to have a fat mother?” I’d outright tell her no. I told her, I think you’re still beautiful and you are my mom and I love you!  So, it’s pretty rough.  I don’t think that she’d be supportive, satisfied or otherwise kind and enthusiastic if I dropped 50 lbs in the next month or if I did it all her way.  Seriously.

I have through all of this, been learning the unfortunate though I suppose valuable lesson that I cannot be happy in this life trying to please everyone else. Even when that everyone else, includes my own mother. I love her.  But I am not existing to have to please her.  Hope this helps!! And I wish you the best!  

Post # 8
Member
401 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

My mother never raised me and she has never been a prt of my life…Dont let your mother spoil your shine, enjoy your moment!

Post # 9
Member
1805 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

My mom is crazy and mean.  You can read about it here on weddinbee in the “emotional” section if you want, but basically that sums it up.  It’s also mostly related to her drinking, though even without alcohol she can be pretty awful.

The worst is she’s not consistent.  She’s up and down, sometimes so awful I feel like I HATE her and would never want her at our wedding… other times more normal and almost nice and my feelings totally change.  She was not always such a horrible person, either.  I think it would be easier if she had been awful all my life! Then I wouldn’t have grown up expecting one thing and now facing something totally different, you know?

Congratulations on getting the job. You should be proud and you will DO FINE! It’s very hard but try not to let your mother’s opinions and comments influence you.  It DOES sound like jealousy. 

My mom does the same; always chewing me out when I’m relatively “good”.. my brother has been in and out of jail and prison most of my life and she is still always focusing on me and my faults… and when he was out, and he and I spent a lot of time together (I hadn’t seen him in 7 years because he was in prison!), she was actually jealous of us being together and not hanging out with her.  Hello!? Maybe if she wasn’t so MEAN, people would want to be around her.  2 plus 2, Mom.

 

Post # 10
Member
44 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I’m sorry about your mother issues.  However I will say congrats on the weight loss & the job.

My sister got married last yr & my Mom wasn’t into the details or anything like that really either.  Now for my wedding she is pretty excited.  It’s causing some friction between me & my sister.  The reason for my moms behavior is this – she looooves my Fiance.  She hated my sisters Fiance.  I mean, really.  Also, my sisters Fiance comes from a family w/ a little more money & they act like their sh*t doesn’t stink.  Sister’s FI’s mom was helping them out w/ money & my mom couldn’t & sister’s Fiance pointed that out on more than one occassion.  Soooo… I have no idea if that’s what could be going on with your mom, since you didn’t mention if she likes your Fiance or not.  That’s what was up with my mom though.  (She didn’t want to go to any fittings with her & whenever my sister would mention anything about wedding plans mom would roll her eyes or say “I don’t wanna talk about it”)

I hope it gets better for you though.  Maybe you can talk to her about it.

Post # 11
Member
4419 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

My mom is pissed at me right now because Jim and I decided to get married in Savannah Georgia instead of in Michigan. At first she said she and dad couldn’t afford to go, and then when we offered to pay, she said they wouldn’t go if the kids (my niece and nephew) couldn’t go. And to top it off, she told me this a half hour before my first fitting, which I had asked her to go to with me.

My brother says it was wrong of her to turn us down for the kids, because the kids would rather have the trip to Disney that they’ve been planning. He and my sister-in-law said they were hurt at first that we were having the wedding so far away, but they insist that we should not change our plans to make anyone happy. They both agree mom will get over it.

Anyway, now it’s just going to be me and Jim, because I’m not offering again. It really hurts, because my mom and I have always had a pretty good relationship. But I’m done feeling guilty because she disapproves of my choices…

So, even though my situation isn’t the same as yours, I do understand the hurt of not having your mom on board with your plans. It sucks.

Post # 12
Member
841 posts
Busy bee

Sorry, but the title for this thread? Awesome! >.<. And I also know how you feel in regards to a mum who seems very uninterested :/

Post # 13
Member
188 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Yeah, my mom doesn’t get really into anything either.  But that just how she is with everything so I try not to take it personally.  My Future Mother-In-Law is excited about the wedding so that makes it better.  Still not the same, but it’s better to have some kind of mother figure get excited! 🙂

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