(Closed) Anyone ever felt like…. your wedding isnt a "proper" wedding…

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
738 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@DeeWee:  I have totally had this feeling, about my wedding, my ring, my dress…. BUT it didn’t start until I got on the bee, and started comparing what I had and I what I was planning/doing to the other bees. You are doing what you are doing for a reason, whatever that reason my be – OWN IT AND ROCK THE SH*T OUT OF IT!! Your wedding will be perfect for you and your fiancé, and that’s all that matters 🙂


Post # 4
561 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@DeeWee:  YESSSSS!!!!!!! Here is my story – Uni student, studying to be a teacher, so only working 25 hours a week, fiance has a good job, but by no means a highly paid one. SO our wedding is very budget. I’ve had to compromise on my venue and pretty much everything! I havent bought a house yet becasue we are still saving and cannot get approved for a loan while I’m working part time. AND have been waiting for my wedding for 2 years already and it’s still a year away (I know, it’s not that long but looking at that ring for 3 years all alone on my finger is tough! lol)

Compare this to my cousin who graduated last year, got engaged 3 days ago and has set a date before mine, has bought a hosue and can have any wedding she dreams of and doesn’t have to worry about venue, or guest list or anything! I just feel so unsuccessful – almost laughable – compared to her. 

Post # 5
444 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013 - rolling hills of southern italy

Yes. I get that feeling. My ring is cz. My dress was 350 bucks, my proposal was without a ring at all. My guest list from “my side” is 8 people. His is 60. His cousins are doing flowers and music. 

On the other hand we are spending a ton on food. A ton. and I get sad that I don’t have the details. Since we ARE paying for a fancy wedding. It would be okay if the whole thing were more DIY, but since it is just MEthat is, I am pretty sure I am the raggedy bride. I mean, I’m cutting as many corners as possible here, but all those corners cut have been mine. 

Post # 6
7564 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

I was a budget bride but I never felt like that.

MIL did though. She liked to tell everyone that it was not a “traditional wedding.” It cracked me up! 

Post # 7
5065 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2014

There will be vows said, rings exchanged, a smooch, a register signed. Right?

A real and perfect wedding. Make the most of what you’ve got and embrace it! 


Post # 8
33 posts
  • Wedding: July 2013

Yes… when this feeling was strongest, it coincided with dreams about the wedding: I would arrive and nothing was done. I would arrive and there were no guests. I would arrive and… etc.

What finally mitigated this feeling was finishing some projects and realizing that they were good. No, everything about our wedding isn’t picture-perfect and yes, some guests will probably not like everything. But our paper crane backdrop – that is pretty. The photobooth guestbook will be really cool. Etc.

Try to keep focused on the good things, the things you really love about your wedding, and rock those things.

Post # 9
1586 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@DeeWee:  Do you love what you are planning?


The screw everyone else. Your invitations could be on tissues, you and your FI could be dressed as clowns and a juggler marries you and then your reception is a dunking booth (my mind is in a weird place this morning). If it is what you both want? WHO CARES. Your wedding is proper because it is what you dreamed it would be.


With that said, mine isn’t proper. It isn’t in a place of worship or a country club, which (according to both sets of parents) is where it ought to be. It’s in a cozy Italian restaurant. GASP. SCANDALOUS.


By the way, if the clown wedding is your thing, great…but I really hope it isn’t. 😛

Post # 10
9567 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2018

I feel like it isn’t real, but probably because it’s so far away, and who knows when it will be happening because of my health issues, schooling and our finances and moving out. I get upset a lot, worrying it will never happen. But FI comforts me, tells me we will be together forever and we will get married one day. We will hopefully be doing some DIY too, and I think it could help make it more personal 🙂

Post # 11
8176 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

@DeeWee:  doesn’t matter how you get there, if you sign the marriage certificate then you are married.


Post # 12
255 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Absolutely! Althought both of our parents are helping, my Dad had a heart attack in January of this year and that really put a finanical strain on them.  We’re having the wedding at our house and doing a lot of stuff ourselves and I know that certian people will be comparing it and judging it…sometimes I think about it and freak out but other times I don’t care, if you’re going to judge like that you don’t need to be there!

Post # 13
1161 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@DeeWee:  Get out of my head! Lol in all seriousness, yes I feel this way and it’s usually after talking to my mom. She’s very traditional and obsessed with pleasing people, whereas I’m more laid back. When I said we wanted to do an ipod station instead of a DJ she kept making a big deal about it…now my dad decided to pay for a DJ  to please her. When I said we would be using FMIL’s new convertible as our transportation, she got all upset and then my dad hired a limo. When I said I’m wearing flat sandals with my gown she practically fainted. When I said we aren’t doing favors she was so confused. She also hates the fact that we have only been planning our June wedding since this March. I hate talking to her and her friends about anything wedding related because they pretty much disapprove of everything that comes out of my mouth and it makes me feel like my wedding is going to suck. 

Post # 14
2926 posts
Sugar bee

No, I didn’t feel this way at all. I did not have my father give me away, have dancing, garter/bouquet toss, or even really plan it but DH and I got married so it was a proper wedding. I don’t like it when I hear, “It’s not a real wedding if…” If two people got married then it is a real wedding.

Post # 15
430 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I think I’ve avoided feeling this way because I love our wedding plans so much but if we hadn’t come up with our brunch menu I might feel otherwise.  Both of us have a set of cousins getting married before us and while we are older and more well established financially, their patents are footing the entire bill so budget is not a concern to them.  It’s hard not to compare.

Post # 16
11239 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

We’re doing a DIY wedding and I don’t feel like it’s not proper or real at all. People have given us so many compliments already and are happy that we’re going DIY to save money (and so that we can get exactly what we want). 

We’re also doing LOTS of non-traditional stuff–secular ceremony with a handfasting, I’m walking down the aisle alone, lots of non-traditional music, no parent/anniversary dances, no garter or bouquet toss. I’m sure we might have some guests who will think that it’s not a “real” wedding because it’s secular (and I do mean secular–no mention of any religion, no prayers, hymns, nothing), but they likely won’t say anything and will still be happy (and, I assure you, it IS real because we’ll have the paperwork to prove it).

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