(Closed) Anyone ever fired a member of their bridal party?

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: Has anyone ever fired a member of their bridal party?
    Yes and we stayed friends : (2 votes)
    13 %
    Yes and we don't speak anymore : (9 votes)
    56 %
    Yes and we speak but it's soooo awkward : (1 votes)
    6 %
    Other, please explain below : (4 votes)
    25 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    1453 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 2016

    There are lots of problem bridesmaid threads on here- from both sides. You don’t really provide any details, but given that you said you “fired” her, I’d say your friendship is on shaky ground.

    Post # 4
    Member
    1619 posts
    Bumble bee

    View original reply
    Smurph:  Your best bet is to apologize profusely for being so rude to her.  Then it will be up to her to decide whether or not she wants to stay friends with you.  What you did is a friendship ending move in many cases and really reflects poorly on you.

    Post # 5
    Member
    4044 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    View original reply
    Smurph:  You cant fire a bridesmaid! It’s not a job! 🙂 

    I WISH I had “fired” my husband’s sister from my bridal party but I knew it would cause a HUGE fight in his family. 

    Post # 6
    Member
    3791 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    I’m interested in knowing the background to this.  What happened to cause you to ask her to step down?

    Post # 7
    Member
    1453 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 2016

    So, without knowing the situation, I would say this. This person was/is your friend. You chose her to stand with you on this day because she matters to you. This wasn’t a future in-law, a sibling, or some other “have to” that you put into your wedding party. The wedding is one day out of your life- albeit an incredibly important day, but one day. How much does this person mean to you? Have you valued your friendship up to this point? Is this someone you want in your life? If so, I’d be on damage control- my bet is that she is incredibly hurt and that this is likely a friendship ending move.

    I’m often astounded on the Bee by the things people expect of their bridesmaids. The expense often seems out of control. Bridesmaids seem to be viewed as props in some cases. And, some expect the bridesmaids to be at every wedding event, with little regard for each bridesmaids particular circumstances. In some curcumstances, it also seems like there are a group of bridesmaids who form a clique, while one or two other bridesmaids are left out. I have no way of knowing if any of this went on in your case, as I’ve also read horror stories regarding the bridesmaids (holding the dress selection hostage so that they can get the dress they want, showing up late, argueing with everyone, leaving the wedding after the ceremony, bailing at the last minute, etc.), too. Only you know what happened and what you are willing to do to fix this. On the embarassment front alone, I think you may not see her at the wedding.

    And, even in the best of circumstances, these things leave a lasting memory. I was in a family member’s wedding twenty years ago. I was a single parent in graduate school. While the bride was reasonable, her maid of honor and mother were a nightmare. Every time I turned around, I owed money for something. The kicker was for an additional shower (that I could not attend as I could not make the six hour each way drive one more time for one more event and yet anohter expense) that was small- just close friends and family- at her mothers house. The maid of honor and she organized and the mother of the bride made the food. I was told “my share”, even thought I could not attend, would be around $15 – which I was fine with- it was about twenty people (and, remember, this was twenty years ago). Even though I was in school, working only part time, and essentially living off scholarships and loans, I had put money aside for these things (and, oh were there things!!! all drive by the mother of bride and MOH!). But, I then came home one day to a message from the Maid/Matron of Honor telling me that my share had actually come out to $85! Just for the food! Not for a group gift that I didn’t know about, hadn’t been consulted on, and I’d already sent a gift! So, do the math- 20 years ago, shower for 20 people, 8 bridesmaids, and $85 each! For reference, minimum wage was just over $3 an hour and this was typically the amount I spent for groceries for an entire month. I still remember this so vividly, as I had a toddler and she called again twice the next day, not to remind me, but wondering why she hadn’t gotten the check yet (I guess she had also expected me to overnight it) (my father finally ran the money over to her- I hated for him to bail me out, but I didn’t have it). Then came the phone calls for the group shower present. Then, the phone calls for the group wedding present- hand-made (by a friend who was an exclusive cabinet maker) dining set (hand-carved cherry table and chairs) $$$$$$$$$$ (and, I had already gotten a very expensive hand-made quilt set for the bride and groom, as I was a relative and they had been searching for a wedding ring quilt for a long time!). You get the idea! And, trust me, there was oh-so-much-more! I have to say, I never again agreed to be in a wedding after that. The expense was overwhelming. Dealing with the Maid/Matron of Honor and the mother of the bride was overwhelming. I had truly no idea how demanding, over-the-top, expensive, and overwhleming everything would become- and none of this came from the bride, who really couldn’t have been lovelier. I’m sure to this day she has no idea what happended or why I develop a significant eye-twitch whenever she mentions her MOH’s name!

    All I’m saying is this- she mattered to you before this. There are often hurt feelings and unrealistic expectations on both sides. Does this person still matter to you? Is the freindship still important to you? This is one day….

    Post # 8
    Member
    2268 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: November 2015

    My Maid/Matron of Honor had to step down. It was a joint decision at the time. We both were at different parts in our life (she was pregnant, i was not) so it was hard. Now when I look at it, I wish we would have talked through our issues and kept her my Maid/Matron of Honor. I mean, the woman planned my bachlorette party and she isn’t even in the wedding. That’s a true friend right now.

    Post # 9
    Member
    1453 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 2016

    View original reply
    mrsfiddlesticks:  Anyway to fix it now? Have her as a bridesmaid? Have her do a reading at the ceremony? It sounds like the two of you talked this through and recognize the value of the friendship- good for you!

    Post # 10
    Member
    444 posts
    Helper bee

    Can you elaborate as to why you fired her ? I haven’t personally fired a Bridesmaid or Best Man, but I don’t see a problem with it if they are causing issues or stress! 

    I am a UK bee so we usually pay for all Bridesmaid or Best Man expenses such as dress etc. all they have to do is turn up, and possibly come to the Hen do (if one is planned) so if one of my BM’s was causing me stress etc. I would fire them so to speak. 

    Post # 11
    Member
    916 posts
    Busy bee

    View original reply
    Smurph:  I had a friend kick me out of her bridal party because I was moving to a different state 6 months before her wedding. 

    I ended up not attending and the relationship has never been the same. That was 7 years ago. 

    Post # 12
    Member
    925 posts
    Busy bee

    why did you “fire” her?

    Post # 13
    Member
    504 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2016

    You “fired” her? 😳

    I didn’t know you could fire someone from something they voluntarily do in favor of you and your celebration. Yikes!

    If you want to salvage the relationship, I vote an open honest apology and treat her to a nice dinner. Queso and honesty win me over every time. Plus friendships are a lot like relationships. There will be disagreements and conflict, but honest communication can help resolve such. 

    If it was a toxic friendship, then just let it go knowing you did what was best for you.

    (Still curious why you fired her though….)

    Post # 14
    Member
    881 posts
    Busy bee

    View original reply
    Smurph:  We asked one of our groomsmen to step down. He was my husband’s best friend since childhood and he and I didn’t see eye to eye. He was unemployed for 3 years living off of his stripper fiance with no intention of working to support himself. I have a Master’s Degree and work in Corporate Communications for a bank. I’m not trying to sound better than him but just point out that we are two very different people. 

    When we were engaged, he told my now husband that he was making the biggest mistake of his life by marrying me. He also went to my inlaws and told them horrible and untrue stories about me. He would bash me at every opportunity he could find – like at our engagement party in front of my parent’s friends. 

    It got to the point where I didn’t want him invited to the wedding at all, let alone stand up for us at our ceremony. My Husband was really hurt by his actions and spent a lot of energy trying to mend and disprove everything this “friend” said. Eventually my Husband asked him to step down, but still attend the wedding. 

    This “friend” did attend the wedding but left in the middle of dinner and never returned. 6 weeks later and we haven’t heard from him still and I’m hoping it stays that way. 

    Post # 15
    Member
    1903 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I asked my best friend to step down from being in my bridal party.

    She and her then BF where going through some very difficult times (involving drugs) and were going through rehab. She was hard to contact and wishy-washy when it came to making plans.

    She still came to my wedding and 5 years later when that marriage ended supported me through my divorce.

    She just had a beautiful baby girl and is happy and healthy and she is still my best friend. She understands why I asked her to step down and we both know it was the right choice at the time.

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