Post # 1
Hey I am new here and I was wanting to ask a question. My husband and I just got married this past summer, we are a young couple 21 and 23, we are both in school, I plan on getting my Master’s..but still have about 4 years. We have decided to wait to have kids, because we are not financially set yet, we both have jobs, but like I said we are in school. And I know we are not ready to have children yet and we both want to be living in another house by the time we start trying, BUT I can’t seem to shake the baby making out of my head. I feel like I want a baby right now! I don’t know why I would feel this way, when I KNOW we are not ready!!! I know this!…Have any of you had to deal with this? If so how did you make the feeling of wanting a baby go away until you know you are ready? And I have not told him I am feeling this way..he would freak out. haha…In a very scared way.
Thanks any advice is MUCH needed.
Post # 3
I’m a little bit different, we both have kids from previous marriages – 5 total in fact – so we have a really FULL house. However, the getting married, almost 30-thing has turned my baby-making chip on overdrive. It’s all I can think about some days. I read a lot about people with newborns on blogs – so I get my eye-candy that way. We also have several people with newborns so it helps being around them to get my baby-fix.
Post # 4
I just got married 2 months ago and the husband and I have decided to wait at least another 2 years to have children. But sometimes I get that urge to have children when I see someone with an infant.
I know we can’t afford it right now but there was a post that really opened my eyes about all to expect. You might want to read it and maybe it might “scare” you and realize you aren’t ready? Maybe??
Things My Mama Never Told Me: “Joys” of Pregnancy
EDIT: Or this one http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/to-have-or-not-havea-baby
Welcome to Weddingbee!! We are all really nice around here. Hope you stick around.
Post # 5
We had a sorta pregnancy scare. Like you, we want to wait quite a few years… but even though I know that is best for us, there was a part of me that REALLY wanted that test to be positive!
For me, it helps to focus on something else. You have school, obviously, but maybe you could find a project of some sort to keep your attention when you aren’t studying. Or set some baby-less goals for the two of you! We want to travel quite a bit before we have kids, and we know having a baby would put a quick end to that goal, so I keep that in mind whenever I start to get baby brain!
Good luck… you aren’t alone 🙂
Post # 6
I agree with Missrain! Whenever I get the baby thoughts, I think about how I want to take a long trip to Europe before we have kids and it actually does the trick! I just think about a different goal that I’m very excited for and it makes the baby waiting easier.
Plus, you’re still young! 🙂 I’m 29 so that makes me feel like I have to do it sooner rather then later. But then again, I see some of my coworkers having healthy babies at 33, 36, etc and it makes me feel like I’ll be ok waiting a bit longer.
Post # 7
Yes! I want so badly to have kids now but we are waiting until we get married & until we get more financially stable like you want to do, also. It’s hard!!! One thing I’m doing to help me with not wanting to have kids for another few years is realizing that I’m still young, just like you are, and I’m able to enjoy my years while I’m young. You’re able to come and go as you please, able to go out on the weekends, go out to eat with your Fiance without getting a babysitter, etc. That helps me when I have baby fever…maybe it’ll help you?!
Post # 8
Because there were two threads going on the same topic:
Anyone had this problem?
Post # 9
I just try to think about the life I can give my child if I wait. I know if I had a baby now while my Fiance and I both have good jobs, neither one of us makes enough for the other to stay home. I don’t want day care for my baby and I know I would have to if I had a baby now. There would be no extras and no vacations and new toys and all of the material things I would like to provide for my child (I know material things aren’t everything). And I also think about mine and FI’s emotional state. He would be selling his soul to support us and I would be constantly stresed. So I just imagine the life I could provide for a child and remind myself that I am still you 24, and if I wait a couple of years I could still be a young mother and could be able to stay home and still provide for my child.
Post # 10
I am soo immersed in the baby scene right now that it’s really difficult to fight the baby making urge. My sister in law is due any day now (yay!!!!) and one of my friends found out she was pregnant in October and another just found out recently. So, while it’s difficult, I know my husband and I decided to wait at least 5 years before we have kids. I would think about your situation in life and try to imagine what it would be like to have an infant. Who watches him/her while you are at class? At work? How much extra money do you have to afford food, formula, diapers? If you think about how expensive children are, hopefully that will damper your baby making wants!
Post # 11
I think it’s natural to get baby fever when you get married because you’re newlyweds and so happy that you’re married, in love so don’t feel wierd! I’m about to turn 23 and have been engaged for almost a year and can’t wait to start have babies after we get married! I’ve always wanted to be a mom and I love my Fiance and can’t wait to have children with him.
With your situation, you have to stay focused on your lives right now and you sound super busy. Juggling jobs and school is pretty time consuming and throwing a baby into the mix would not be the best thing. Could it be done? Absolutely, but if you have the choice not to, I would wait. You’re also a very young couple and if you wait a year or 2 at least and enjoy being married, you’ll still be young when you start trying. Trying to get through school is hard enough and honestly, you should really try and finish. I know that both my Fiance and I have things we want to get done and in place before we have children and we also want to enoy being married before babies come along because it’ll be another 18 years (at least) before you get that time alone as a couple.
Hang in there and congrats on getting married!! Do yall have pets? Maybe you cold get a dog! ha ours pretty much are our children!
Post # 12
I always planned to be married for several years before having kids with my husband. But as we near our wedding, we have already done a lot as a couple. We have traveled to some neat places, bought a house, etc. It is hard to come up with reasons to wait at this point. I think I want to come up with a $ amount that I want in savings before we should start trying.
Post # 13
I think I’m in denial. I keep saying I’m totally not ready and telling everyone (including myself) that we are going to wait another 4 years or so (arbitrary number I came up with to keep the wolves at bay). But just after we were married, I thought I might be pregnant, took a test and wasn’t. IT shocked me that I actually felt a little disappointed afterward.
It’s like my brain doesn’t want to believe what my heart might be trying to tell it. I totally understand how you feel. There’s always that struggle between what the heart wants and practicality. But I don’t think you should stop wanting it. I think it should be your motivation to achieve what you want to achieve to get ready for the baby!