Post # 1
Ugh, I am not in a fun position right now at all. When my Fiance and I started wedding planning, we had no idea all the expenses involved. We only knew site cost + food + beverage and figured everything else was small. We picked a venue that we believed to be reasonably priced.
After going back and forth with the venue about everything that we are required to have (coordinator, valet, rentals, etc.), we have come to realize that this wedding is going to cost over TWICE what we originally thought. And we haven’t even looked into music, transportation, or lodging yet.
We are extremely fortunate in that my father is paying for the wedding, but that’s actually almost making it worse, because I feel incredibly guilty. I can tell he doesn’t like the cost but doesn’t want to disappoint me.
For a few weeks now whenever I think about the wedding and how much it costs I feel nauseous and start hyperventilating a little. I’ve come to realize that maybe this isn’t normal or good and, in fact, I should listen to that voice in my head that says this is all INSANE and needs to stop.
We have not signed any contracts or spent a single dollar, yet. But the thought of canceling on all the vendors we have worked with so far makes me feel terrible, and FI’s uncle is a member at our venue (a country club) so I’m afraid of burning bridges. And, I know my Fiance will be really disappointed and that makes me sad.
Anyone been through this?
Post # 3
I have not been in that sitauation. But I have to say. If you already can’t stomach the thought of spending that much just walk away. Just send all the vendors a thank you email and let them know you’ve decided to go with another vendor. They’re in the business, they understand that not every bride and groom they meet with will book them.
Post # 4
I don’t think you’d be burning bridges by just being honest with your vendors, tell them that they are not within your budget. You might even luck out and have vendors give you discounts/incentives to keep your business.
Post # 5
You might not need to start over – that may be your nerves talking. It’s too bad that your venue is communicating poorly. Can you get a quote from them that includes everything? Even including tip, taxes, etc? It’s okay to look at other venues – maybe you’ll find that your venue is really overpriced or a really good value, based on what’s included in the estimate.
Post # 6
Yes. We planned on a wedding for 250 in Lexington, Ky. We moved in the middle of our engagement to Mississippi. Suddenly a huge wedding 450 miles away seemed silly and expensive. We would have to use our week off in KY. I wanted a honeymoon! We decided instead on 25 people for a Destination Wedding. Win win
Post # 7
Yep, we changed everything. Our wedding was originally going to cost $12k…our budget was $6k. We ended up doing a brunch instead of a dinner, at a different venue and got a lot of things on sale/ DIYed it up.
When you put it into terms of “thrill of the hunt,” it gets a lot easier; suddenly I was stalking prey, like a fearless lioness ready to feed her pride. I get a little weird sometimes.
Talk to your uncle, I’m sure it won’t burn bridges to walk away. Just say that it’s not in the budget and you didn’t realize how expensive it would be. Or say your budget has changed, if it makes you feel better. Have you used theknot’s budget calculator? Or I think weddingwire has one too maybe, but either way, it gives you a pretty realistic breakdown on theknot and you can delete things that don’t apply to you or add extra expenses. That will give you an approximate idea of how much you should set aside for floral, stationary, etc.
Whatever your budget is, always figure that you will probably go at least 5% over it with little last-minute details. Those things add up. Sorry that this is so overwhelming 🙁 Try going over to the budget brides board to look for ideas on saving money, some of those ladies are very good at squeezing every penny out of a dollar. You are going to have a beautiful wedding, and if the cost is physically affecting you, it’s okay to re-evaluate, go back to the original budget, and find a way to make it work. You’re still going to have a beautiful wedding.
Post # 8
@VMars: You know, H and I have revamped our wedding idea probably 10 different times. I researched locations in 3 different countries and 5 different states! As in I went and did all the research for each location, even paid and put deposits down on one location, but thankfully got nearly all of that back. SO yes, it happens! Best to do as much research as possible up front, which you may have done.
Post # 9
Thanks, everyone. I’m talking with my dad about specific budgets so that we can figure out what’s really realistic. You know, I always heard people complain about how expensive weddings were and somehow I thought that wouldn’t happen to me because we just wanted things “simple.” Ha! I get it now.
Post # 10
Yep. In the re-planning stages now. We had our hall booked (mostly all-inclusive) and due to a lot of factors had to postpone and cancel the hall. And lost a ton of money. BUT, sometimes these things happen for a reason and it makes you re-focus on the important things. As long as the two of you are married at the end of the day, that’s is the point! 😉
We’re scaling back and trying to do something at about half the price or less then the original plan and it’s hard because my original visions keep popping in and getting in the way, haha.
My advice? Sit down and get a rational and reasonable budget hammered out. Don’t inflate it either, thinking that you’ll possibly get a bonus here or top the amount your dad offered to pay unless you always top up a savings account at that time. From that ask around, family, friends, etc for help looking for certain things or if they know someone. Don’t be afraid to thank a vendor for their time and let them know that your budget has been changed and you don’t think you’ll be able to afford them. Also – sit down with your Fiance. You said he would be disappointed. Maybe he will be. But it’s better to figure it all out now, then a month before when you realize you’re about to be broke. Trust me. 🙂
Post # 11
@VMars: I’m going to say cancel and start over. OR, at the very least, start looking at other options. I felt sick over how much was being spent…. the only difference is I was gifted an amount of money and could do with it what I wanted. I knew my dad wanted me to spend it on a wedding but he also would’ve been proud if I was “responsible” and didn’t.
Anyway, my wedding is wayyyy too expensive for what it is. I truly wish I had picked something WAYYYYYYYYYYYYY cheaper. I feel sick about it and it’s still 3 months away!
Post # 12
I actually planned 3 weddings just to get to our final LOL. FI and I were joking I could be a wedding planner now. We scratched the first 2 because at the end of the day we weren’t in love with everything about them (including the price).