Post # 1
So this is my anon post. A lot of the posting are pretty positive about married life, but really a lot of days it is pretty freaking annoying and stressful.
Why does it seem harder now to plan every single decision I make around my husband? We lived together for 3 years before getting married, but now, that we are married, I don’t know, it just is different, and well annoying at times.
Anyway, this is more of a ramble. I just lately have felt, like, “what the hell was I thinking?”.
Planning the wedding was a blast! Planning our life together in real life terms not fantasy wedding land, is a pain in the ass.
Has anyone else, felt that you were so much in love, that you may have been blinded to the fact that you have different ideas about things?
Post # 3
I think everyone feels a bit let down after their wedding is over. You are sitting there planning this huge event and afterward, you don’t have any big massive thing to plan.
I don’t really feel the same about the other stuff. If you really feel like that, you should consider going to couples therapy to work on your relationship.
Post # 4
Maybe you feel like there are different expectations now that you’re “married”? I’d talk to your hubby about it, let him know that you’re feeling stressed and overwhelmed trying to make so many things work around him. Ask him for his help! Marriage is all about compromise and flexibility – on both sides!
Post # 5
I don’t know how long you have been married, but could you just have post wedding blues? Or are there some stressful things going on that have you a little depressed in general?
Post # 6
Maybe you need a little mini-vacay! Even if it’s just a weekend sleep over at a single gal friend’s house to eat ice cream and watch movies.
Post # 7
Well to say that I think “what was I thinking” No.. I havent thought that.. However sometimes I do wish I could have taken a little more time to think and waited a little longer to get married to him and move out. The only reason being is so that I could have payed off my bills, since I lived at home with my parents. Now we live together have new bills on top of the bills we each had on our own already so our money situation is really tight and I never took time to think about the reality of that and the stress that it causes and how instead of being able to do many things we have to do a lot of stay at home dates. All in all im still happy and here now so wouldnt change it for anything.
Have you had a heart to heart talk to him yet? Its a little hard to know why things changed for you two since you had already lived together but maybe if you both talked it would open up the realization as to why things have changed and what can be or needs to be done to get you on the right track again!
Post # 8
awww, maybe it’s just a lil hump, i agree with @melissa… maybe a weekend getaway just to take a break from the daily grind! 🙂
refresh the newlywed fire!! 🙂
— on a serious note, if this is something that’s been buggin you for a long time, i say at the very minimum speak to your husband… and also consider therapy!
i am 100% for counseling… for those who have “issues” or those that don’t!
it’s always nice to have an objective third party who’s medically trained to read both of your thoughts!!
Post # 9
I think everyone adjusts differently to married life, and for some having doubts, regrets or bouts of annoyance is pretty normal.
If possible, focus on the long term and know that relationships wax and wane over time. It’s ok to have differences to work through, and it’s great that you have a foundation of love to start from 🙂 Communication and mutal respect are the keys to getting there.
Hang in there! You married your honey for a reason, and it just might take a little work to get back to those fundamentals.
Post # 10
I’ve only been married a week. I haven’t had the thoughts of what was I thinking. I’m more now focused on changing my name and figuring out how to sort out bank accounts etc. I think it is a huge let down after the wedding. You just need to find something to keep you busy and like others have said, talk to him. Because he will start to pick up on your agitations.
Post # 11
I am not married yet but I really hope marriage doesn’t change my daily life with my finance. I am sorry you feel that way…is it something you feel all the time or just on bad days? How is your life different then before?
I hope you feel better and this passes!
Post # 12
Day to day life can be annnnnoyying at times when there is tedium.
What’s changed for you since being married? Is it just more real now?
I’ve been really happy in marriage (not my job but my honey is not responsible for that one) but I think if for some reason we got off the same page I’d try to figure out what things were important to me and what things I was OK compromising on. You will go crazy if you have to compromise on everything but you also have to pick your battles. And maybe you just need some alone time. I definately need it every now and then, it helps a lot.
Post # 13
Thanks Ladies. It is not the post wedding planning blues. I have no desire to plan another wedding 🙂
I think we are just having a bad couple of weeks. He works A LOT, so there doesn’t leave much time to really communicate. Therefore I feel like I need to schedule decision making time. Annoying.
There are just so many issues, and you are right, I think we need therapy, but I feel weird about asking for couples therapy when we haven’t even been married a year. It just hasn’t felt right lately.
The one thing I’m not stressed about, is his love for me. I trust him, and respect him. I feel lucky to have him as my husband, I just honestly, think we need to hash out a lot of things, but he never, ever has time for anything, and well I see that as my future and it sucks.
Now, to be clear he has always worked a lot, that is nothing new, but I felt like he used to make more time, lately I feel like “life” is just an inconvenience to his job and that I’m a nag.
Anyway, I’m going to go home and cry to my dog.
Post # 14
There is no shame in doing counseling this soon. We were working with someone before we even got married 🙂
Post # 15
I think you’ll be fine. It sounds like you’re stressed and maybe he’s stressed and you don’t have enough time. You two (and all of us) just have to learn strategies to handle these times together. (I like to cry to the dog, too!) But I wouldn’t put an arbitrary date on counseling; don’t worry that you haven’t been married a year. Some people go to counseling before they get married. I am pretty sure at least one Bee has written about that on here.
I have found that things are harder after being married because we’re more invested. We lived together for a couple years before, and have been together for four years, but things do change when you get married. It’s work, like they always say. You guys just have to figure out how to work together (and work around a tough schedule, it sounds like).
Post # 16
maybe it just takes some getting used to, i would say give it some time, and if it doesn’t get better, maybe consider a couples therapist…which ISNT a bad thing….i mean this is a huge adjustment, and a 3rd party perspective may help you out
is there anything else going on in your life that is stressing you out? maybe you just have displaced stress?
hope the feelings subside soon, but there are always ways to work through it =)