Post # 1
Member
150 posts
Blushing bee
So, for reasons that are beyond my control, I will likely have to be a long distance mom for at least the next year (up to four years). I’m a single mom and life is very complicated. My kids are preteen/early teen and despite my wanting to take them with me, I know it is probably for the best that I don’t. I am going into a time-intensive contract-bound training program (I cannot get out of it without bad consequences) – this was not how I had hoped things would go but life happens. :'(
Has anyone successfully been or know someone who has been a long distance mom? Any advice or words of encouragement would be appreciated. Thanks.
Post # 3
Member
5544 posts
Bee Keeper
Military families do it a lot, how well or what advice thwu have I’m not sure but you’re certainly not alone or less of a good mother because of it!
Post # 4
Member
2951 posts
Sugar bee
These years are critical for kids who will look after them?
@gut_feeling:
Post # 5
Member
150 posts
Blushing bee
i am well aware that these are critical years, it’s been a rough time and i’ve struggled with this a lot. they would live with their dad (whom they currently live with part time). all of our family on both sides live where we are currently and they have a strong social network here – i am going to be working a lot and there would be no one to help me where I am going. unfortunately, i ended up getting placed further away than was my preference and i cannot get out of it. i’m in a profession that doesn’t afford a lot of choice.
Post # 6
Member
8674 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
I think the important thing is that they will be well looked after and you have taken that into consideration with your choice. And in the long term you being employed and employable is a responsible thing to do for your family.
I guess this situation is like a lot of bicoastal divorced couples. I think as long as you make the provision to be in contact with the kids (via phone/skype) and that they or you can come for visits and maintain your relationship, then it is all you can do.
It will be hard but you have to look at the long term picture as well.
Post # 7
Member
2951 posts
Sugar bee
Sound like you have it covered then:)
Its going to be hard for you but knowing that they are with there dad is really great.
Sometimes life throw these curve balls at us and you know what it only makes us stronger.
I wish you all the best on this challenging journey.
With Skype I sure you will be able to chat with them all the time.
Post # 8
Member
7490 posts
Busy Beekeeper
In today’s world of technology you have more options than ever for staying connected to your kids. Make sure you make a consistent plan to talk to them regularly and send them things- doesn’t need to be expensive- postcards are cheap!
Post # 9
Member
979 posts
Busy bee
I know I’m not in the same situation as you, I have my kids 50% of the time. But a quote someone told me once that has always stuck “It’s not the quantity of time you spend with your child, it’s the quality of time”.
Just be there, keep connected, talk often! I don’t see my kids every day, due to divorce, but I talk to them on the phone every night before they go to bed when they aren’t with me.
Like PP, use skype also 🙂
Stay strong!
Post # 10
Member
256 posts
Helper bee
- Wedding: August 2012 - Motor museum
Is there anyway at all you can not go? There has to be some way we can think of to keep you with your children
Post # 11
Member
150 posts
Blushing bee
Thank you very much for all of your support, ladies. i have been going through all of the “i’m a bad mom” self-talk but at some point what’s done is done for now.
I guess nothing is permanent. I do have to go this year because otherwise I will be barred from working for 1-3 years, possibly permanently if I drop out now. I have massive loans! Need work! I will try it out and see how I can patchwork. If not, I can drop out/try to transfer after a year but that doesn’t guarantee me a spot closer to home the next go around.
Hopefully I can have the kids stay with me in the summer and have my sister who lives about 45 mins away help me more during that time (I wouldn’t want to impose all year given that she has her own career and life to work on). I have a month of vacation and will try to fly home once a month at least, in addition. The new tech age – skype here i come – luckily the boys skype their friends daily so they are very proficient users.
Sigh, life sure is complicated! and expensive!!!! 🙁 Thanks for all of your kind words and advice.
Post # 12
Member
2555 posts
Sugar bee
isn’t there any way at all to take the children with you? what do THEy say?
Post # 13
Member
2951 posts
Sugar bee
@gut_feeling: Goodluck I wish you all the best:)
Post # 14
Member
150 posts
Blushing bee
@bebero: We talked about it (being careful not to give them a choice but just wanted their opinion) and they wanted to stay where we are now (that broke my heart a bit but I understand – I work a lot as it is and I would only working more/have less support).
@Holly77: thank you! i am trying to have faith that things will be okay. i still have a few months to figure things out so am not hard and fast on anything yet.
Post # 15
Member
470 posts
Helper bee
What do your children want?? I don’t mean to sound negative, I grew up with a sometimes absent mother, but never for a positive reason like work. My childhood was hard because there wasn’t a constant. My mother dipped in and out as she pleased. I’m in no way implying that’s what you’re doing.
As long as your kids are happy with the decision and have a constant in their life, like their dad, then it should be fine.. If they aren’t happy with the decision, it will be difficult.
Post # 16
Member
11233 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
As long as you keep in touch and make sure they know that you love them, I think you’ll be okay. Kids are resilient, generally. Be there for them in any way you can (email, Skype, Facebook, etc.). Send pictures. Talk to them. Keep up on what’s going on in their lives. Tell them you love them every day. Things will be okay!
