(Closed) Anyone feel awkward asking their parents for help with funding their wedding?

posted 9 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
2819 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

I’m kind of in the opposite situation — my parents have both just kind of assumed that they’ll be paying for a great deal of the wedding, and I’m of the opinion that they shouldn’t have to.

I realise that everyone’s financial situation is different, though, and I remember from a previous post that you are looking at having a "budget" wedding. Are you going to be paying off loan debt, or is there another reason you need financial assistance? Because if you don’t really need it, then it’s not really your place to ask your father for money for something that he’s kind of not counted on paying for. Yes, you might think he spends his money frivilously — but it’s his money that he’s earned, and it is his prerogative. (That said, I totally get how annoying it might be that he will spend thousands on X, but not on his daughter’s wedding.)

I’m not sure if your parents are still married, but if they are, it might be better to go through your mom (since she feels that they should be paying). Of course, if they’re divorced, I’m not sure how well this would work….

I don’t have any other suggestions, really, other than just…bringing it up. Just ask him one day — maybe ease into the conversation by babbling on about your wedding plans (your beautiful venue! your delicious caterer!) ang then asking "hey, Dad, do you think you might be able to help us out with this?" or "hey Dad, remember how you said you’d give us $20K?".

Post # 5
Member
183 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I’m in the same boat as you…part of me feels too ‘proud’ to ask dad for money because we’ve had our issues, but the other part of me feels like this money could be put to good use.  We aren’t having an expensive wedding by any means ($12K budget) but a couple thousand (shit, a couple hundred) bucks would help a lot.  Sorry I’m no help.  If you figure out a good way to go about this, let me know!

Post # 6
Member
751 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Jon and I are paying for most of our weding but the most exspenisiv e thing the reception his whole side of the family is paying for. I do not feel bad because i know they have the money to spare and am greatful that they offered because there is no way we could have all these nice things without there help.

Post # 7
Member
1135 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

The best thing to do is just ask. Tell your dad (or anyone else you want to ask) that anything they can give is fine. If your parents are divorced or your FI’s family is pitching in too, no one needs to know how much each party is contributing other than you and your Fiance. All you can ask of your parents is that they give what they can. Tell them you need to know what they can afford when you have your wedding. So, like if you are getting married next May, what they think they can give for next May. Tell them you need to start budgeting and need to know what everyone is willing to contribute. Let them know that you are planning on pitching in too. That way, you don’t come across seeming like you think it’s all going to get paid for you.

Even if your dad offered money before with a short notice, doesn’t mean he’s not going to offer now. It seems strange to think that maybe he had an extra 20K just laying around that he would just burn in 2 months. It makes me worry that if you had planned a super short engagement like that, he might not have come through with the money anyways. It is a rough topic, but all you can do is ask the parties involved to give what they can and if not now, when. That way you can do the planning that you need to do. Everyone is hurting because of the economy, so planning ahead like that is more important than ever.

Good luck with talking to your dad.

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