Post # 1
I’ve noticed that, in the online wedding world at least, brides with very small budgets are given a ton of encouragement (“Don’t worry, you can plan a gorgeous wedding for $2K!!!!”). There’s all this excitement about feeding your guests barbecue, DIYing the hell out of every piece of decor, and buying your dress on eBay. I feel like having a full traditional wedding is almost looked down upon – like why would you spend all this money if you could get an equally amazing wedding for less?
We’re spending around $20K for 70 people. I certainly feel like a budget bride in many respects (DIY flowers and stationery, David’s Bridal dress, etc) We are not being at all extravagant and wasteful. We just wanted a formal meal at a formal venue, because when else are we going to get the chance to do this?
Just wondering if anyone else with a bigger budget feel like it’s some kind of competition to spend as little as you can?
Post # 3
You shouldn’t feel bad! If you have the money and you’re getting what you want why not!? I originally had a smaller budget, but now its doubled and its probably only for 40-60 people! I mean it would be nice if our wedding was cheaper, but oh wel!! It’s OUR DAY afterall!
Post # 4
Don’t feel bad. People will judge a wedding no matter what (too cheap, too lavish, too rustic, too fancy, too simple, too elaborate) – you really can’t win! The main thing is that you and your FH are doing what you want for your own day, while still remembering that it’s just one day and there’s a whole lifetime after that 🙂
Post # 5
I don’t think anyone means to knock more expensive weddings! I mean, there are some glam weddings out there–picking out a nice meal and having an open bar and pulling up in a party trolley with your girls… those things are all awesome and require money! I think the real problem is that when your budget is bigger, you don’t usually need the crazy crafty clever ideas the hive presents–you can pick from a wider array of options. Consider yourself blessed and just know that we love weddings of all kinds!
Post # 6
I’m spending about the same as you and I sympathize completely. However, the way you phrased things might imply that the girls planning a wedding on 2k shouldn’t get all that encouragement – I’m sure that’s not what you mean to say. The problem isn’t in the encouragement for budget brides – that is fantastic! Budget brides are still absolutely the minority – just look at the bees, the vast majority of them spent considerable cash. Some of the ‘guilt’ is also appropriate/deserved IMO, I think it’s good for me to be reminded that my budget is pretty damn big, it balances out the moments when I mourn the shoes/dress/chairs I can’t afford. 🙂
I think the problem is that people who spend more don’t reveal how much they’ve spent. Most popular wedding bloggers spent considerable amounts (just look at their photographers) but the only ones who name numbers are those who spent 2k. So if the only numbers we hear are the low ones we think they are more prevelant than they are. I do wish people would reveal their medium bugets more, it would make me feel better.
Post # 7
I wouldn’t feel bad at all! If you can afford that 20K wedding (or your family can afford, or both!) then just go with the flow and enjoy the party 🙂 I think it becomes more of an issue of “blowing money” so to speak, when brides and grooms who CANNOT afford an extravagant affair end up going into big time debt for their wedding.
I think the reason many budget brides need encouragement is because they are worried their wedding won’t be as beautiful because they don’t have as much money to spend (I know that was one of my concerns as a budget bride). It sounds like you are planning an awesome wedding with lots of DIY touches, and being financially responsible about the whole thing. I say that is a lot to be proud of 🙂
Post # 8
I think there is a lot of anxiety regardless of the budget, as long as people are looking at what others are doing. I think the only time guilt about budget is legit is when one is spending far beyond their means.
I spent all this time worrying that we were spending too much, only to find out later that the means was available to double our budget. I’m still glad that we stuck with it and feel good with what we got for what we paid.
Just make your wedding the best representation of you and your Fiance that you can, and enjoy!!!
Post # 9
Don’t feel bad!!! I think your wedding will be stunning! I think if we chose another day and season for our wedding such as a Saturday it would be LOTS more expensive. I definitely like that you post your budget and show what can be done on a more reasonable budget (not saying mine isn’t, but it has made quite a few things difficult).
Post # 10
I do. I feel like there’s a lot of obligation to weddings – you’re supposed to treat everyone to this wonderful party, but it’s not supposed to be wasteful or extravagant. It’s supposed to be somewhere nice, and you should include everyone who knew you growing up, etc, but if your budget is high you’re wasting money.
I’m sure some of the differences in our online budget conversations have to do with region – having a wedding in a major city is hella more expensive than in rural Arkansas – but I think most of the problem stems from how strongly everyone feels about weddings.
You’re going to have some people on one extreme side – it’s just one day, why not get married in the courthouse and have a potluck (not that’s there’s anything wrong with that!) anything else is being selfish, wasteful, etc.
At the other end are the people that think guests are “owed” a lot – that you MUST have favors and a traditional cake and superb catering and a prime Saturday night timeslot, etc.
Of course most of us fall in between, but I think on a lot of these DIY sites you get a lot of brides who don’t have as much budget to work with. Because they couldn’t imagine spending X amount on a dress, shoes, etc, it sometimes comes out as if it’s a horrible thing to buy a pair of designer shoes, or even to have a budget of $30,000 – which, in some areas would get a bare minimum wedding for 150 people!
I think the Bee is fairly good with not stereotyping, but I’ve been seeing a lot of this in blogs lately – like, “why a $5,000 wedding is better than a $20,000 one” or whatever. That’s just hurtful and ignorant – suggesting that a bride with a bigger budget doesn’t have as much personality or didn’t put as much thought into her wedding.
Post # 11
I can totally relate to your story! I cut corners by having a less expensive dress, working on many DIY projects, etc and I am still spending a lot (35kish) compared to many budget brides.
Post # 12
As a really low budget bride, here is my side. I am happy for anyone who is getting married, no matter what their budget it. I just know for me, I am in complete envy of those who can afford the e-pics, the girls that have 2 wedding dresses, sit down meal, a great photographer etc, etc, etc……. I would love to have all those things, but I know that we can’t afford it because we are about to build our dream house, hence the low budget. So I am living vicariously through everyone who can. I want to hear about everyones wedding, low budget or not. But at the end of the day, what matters is what make you & your Fiance happy. Our wedding that we are having is what makes us happy! So spill the beans, I want to hear all about the big weddings!!!!
Post # 13
why a $5,000 wedding is better than a $20,000 one”
what a horrible sentiment! that’s just like saying why my car is better than yours or something like that. what you spend is an extremely personal thing. I WISH i could spend 50k on my wedding. Man the things I could do (i swear i get a gasm thinking about it lol!!!) But alas it was not meant. I think it is very callous for others to make assumptions on your amount. It is also a very regional thing. I am sure if I was in the north my wedding would easily be twice its amount even on a Thursday.
Post # 14
I think my wedding will come in at about $15k if not less, I had budgeted about $20k. I think I have learned a lot from the brides that have spent less. At the end of the day I’d rather pay $50 rather than $100 for the exact same thing. I think weddingbee helps with that. You learn negotiation skills, affordable websites, beautiful and creative diy crafts.
Post # 15
@ Arachna: definitely didn’t mean that. What I was trying to say with that is:
Encouragement is good, but when posters say that you can get the same wedding for $2K as for $20K, the implicit conclusion is: so why would you spend the higher amount? The truth is, if you’re going to spend less, you need to have a casual wedding with simple food at a simple venue. Or a super small guest list. Or live in a low cost area. Or have some friendors / contacts in the industry. If you don’t fit any of those categories, you have to spend more.
The other reason I may sound a bit negative is: I don’t like the perception working with a tiny budget is a huge feat and having a bigger budget is somehow easier. Fiance and I just graduated from college with zero savings, and got crazy jobs with 14+ hour days to pay for the wedding (all on our own, btw). I am no different from all the budget brides who wish they could spend more. But I made the choices and sacrifices necessary to make it happen. So I think I worked just as hard for my wedding as any DIY bride.
Post # 16
I don’t feel bad, I pay cash for my wedding and I scrimp and save for this wonderful event to have dinner with my family. I am happy for any girl that gets their perfect wedding at their right price. I basically give the middle finger to blogs (or posters) that make me feel otherwise about my price tag.