(Closed) Anyone feel bad for not having a tiny budget?

posted 11 years ago in Money
  • poll: Mr. Bee asks: there have been requests to close this thread. Should it be closed?

    Yes, please close it.

    No, leave it open.

    Other (I'll explain below)

  • Post # 160
    5262 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2012

    Honestly, I don’t think it matters either way. Most people on here have been nice and courteous, but there was some snarkiness. I personally feel like I’ve said all there is to say, and I think most posters feel the same. At a certain point it’s just repeating the same sentiments over and over. 

    ETA: I was the one who brought up the blog title post “Why a 5K Wedding Is Better than a 20K Wedding” – I just used it because I thought it was an example of the bias some blogs have specifically against higher budgets – because I thought people were getting the misconception that we were talking about feeling offput by DIY and scrimp posts, which I think we have more than proved is certainly not the case. 

    Post # 161
    236 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    I agree with Lily that everyone has said what they needed to say except that: I completely apologize for my snarkiness – it is not (by any means, whatsoever) what I want to bring to this community.

    Well, and that on certain occasion I like cake.

    Post # 162
    2695 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2010

    Please don’t close this thread. I just came across it and read pages 1 and 4.

    Going to the OP.  The first time I was wedding planning, this was 6 years ago. I was at a friend’s shower.  One of the women there asked me if I was going to waste a lot of money on a stupid wedding like this couple was.  I just sat there because I didn’t know what to say.  I was hurt because I really didn’t know this woman but yet she was passing judgement on me and the other couple.  I was confused because I was young then and didn’t know what was a lot of money to spend in the wedding world and I left feeling like a selfish brat because mom and Dad were paying for my wedding and in this woman’s words, “I was taking advantage of my parents” and she made the comment of “you shouldn’t spend that kind of money on a wedding you should spend it on a car or house.”

    I remember after the shower my mom and I got in the car and I told her what had just happened. 

    So yes, I have felt guilty about my budget before.  I shouldn’t have back then because the money my parents committed to spending was their choice, MOSTLY Theirs.  And my mom and I did all we could to stay in that budget.

    Now with this wedding I don’t feel guilty for spending the money because it is OUR Money not my parents not his parents, but OUR money.  We both have jobs, we both have houses and we both have cars.  Now if we didn’t already have those things would I re-consider how much we spend. YOU Bet!

    Our budget is 37K. This includes food/drinks for 250 people, hotel rooms for us and bridal party (bridal party for 1 night) all gifts to hostess for showers, everything.  I have done things on my own, used coupons to by stuff, bought things at the dollar store, my aunt is doing our flowers I’m just paying for the flowers at wholesale cost.  Using his Dads old car so no paying for that.  I’m wearing the dress my parents bought me 6 years ago because I had never worn it and what a waste that would be. I picked the cheapest menu option and only serving beer & wine. But yet our budget is still what it is. 

    Post # 163
    5398 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Someone said cake!?  I’m all for cake!  In fact, I want to buy the Cricut Cake so I can make lots more pretty cakes! 🙂

    Post # 164
    937 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    Just want to point out that it would be difficult for any of us to be snarky with a mouth full of cake.

    We want cake! Let the bees eat cake!

    I’ll take that cyber-hug now. 🙂



    Post # 165
    535 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2011

    And speaking of cake, and much needed laughs, everyone should check out the following website.  It is hilarious (and not mine or in any way affiliated with me) and one of my favorites!  


    Post # 166
    223 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2010

    I LOVE that website Miss Olive!

    Post # 167
    1135 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2009

    @monkeygirl: (Cyber hug) for you!  And cyber hugs for everyone!  I don’t have cake so I’m eating a Reese’s peanut butter cup.  It’s awesome.

    Post # 168
    541 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2010

    This post has certainly gotten long. Love it!

    @ing2foru   Sure do. Keep in mind, guests will have their fair share of real “food” during cocktail hour.

    Carving Station:

    Hand Carved Ham, Sliced Sirloin of Beef and Salmon with Chef’s Selection of Sauces

    Roasted Red-Skin Potatoes served with Peppers and Onions

    Smoked, Thick-cut Bacon

    Apple-wood Smoked Sausage

    Roasted Tomatoes and Asparagus


     Omelette Station

    Breakfast Sandwich on Cibatta: Scrambled Egg, Cheese and South Philly Pork Roll


    French Toast & Waffle Station

    Cinnamon Raisin Brioche French Toast

    Chocolate French Toast

    Whole Grain French Toast


    Traditional Belgium Waffles

    Chocolate Belgium Waffles

    Served with Maple Syrup, Berry Compote, Bananas Foster, Roasted Apples

    Chocolate Shavings, Whipped Cream, and Powered Sugar


    Crepe Station

    Apple Calvados Crepes dusted with Confectioners Sugar and served with Fresh Berries


    Fresh Sliced Fruit Display

    Yogurt Parfaits with Granola, Plain Yogurt and Fresh Berries


    Breakfast Bakeries Station

    Assorted Pastries, Muffins, Croissants

    Breakfast Breads and Coffee Cakes

    Post # 169
    2857 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2011 - Bartram's Garden

    Okay, I know that we’re all trying to move on and have a happy cakey thread now, but I want to throw in my two cents. Sorry! Wink I’ll be nice, though.

    Every wedding is different. Every budget is different. Every couple is different.  Those who can afford to pay for a pricier wedding will. Those who can’t will find ways to save money. Those who have the time and talent to DIY their wedding will. Those who don’t have the time, energy, or desire to DIY will have someone else handle it. There’s no need to feel guilty about what you do, or to resent someone for what they do.

    I think what’s important is to spend the amount of money and time that feels honest and true to ourselves. The boy and I are spending much more than the $10k-$12k that we’d originally agreed to. But we’re spending it on things that are important to us. A beautiful local venue. Good food. Awesome photographers. And that’s fine. If we started spending money on things that didn’t matter to us (i.e. ice sculptures, limos, a fancy cake), because the WIC tells us that we should, then we’re being untrue to ourselves.

    I know that this is kind of rambling but I guess my point is that our budgets don’t have to meet any standards but our own. It shouldn’t matter what anyone else thinks: not other brides, not magazines, not blogs, not our families or friends.



    Post # 170
    126 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    Did someone say cake?! I know I’m late, but can I join the party?

    My situation is a lot different than anyone elses…I have no idea what my wedding budget is! My parents have gifted the wedding to us as a wedding present/my graduation present (I’ll be finished my 2nd degree a month before the wedding). Do I feel guilty? Somedays. I go out of my way to try to DIY stuff or to pick the less expensive option, but my parents have the ‘let’s just pay someone to do it’ motto. They have spent many hours DIYing stuff for other weddings and events, so now that they are in a financial position to pay someone to do it, they do. I just sort of tell them what I want and they do it. They don’t have to, but they want to. They know how busy I am and don’t want wedding planning to take away from my education. I have an idea of what things should cost, but I also know that my father has a LOT of business connects and I know that he is getting a lot of things for a good deal, or free. I’m also lucky enough to have a twin sister that is an event planner. Score for me!

    I WANT to DIY things and have something that everyone at my wedding can love that I can say ‘I did that!’, but I spend 3 hours of my day on the road…1.5 hours each way to school and back, plus classes, homework, and a job. To those of you who say I could do it if I had to- I could…but I would have to give up sex.

    I guess what I’m saying is that my wedding will be amazing, and I don’t know if it will be budget or not. But it will be mine. I don’t care if it’s just my fiance and I getting married in the rain and eating hotdogs for dinner. I’m in it for the marriage, not the wedding.

    Post # 171
    223 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2010

    UMMMM, farfromordinarybride, I will work for free if I can eat…..LOL!  That sounds really YUMMY!  Good job on that menu!

    Post # 172
    1509 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    I don’t even understand why this topic even needs to be discussed. 

    This board as a whole is for ladies to exchange their plans between each other, bounce ideas off of each other, and find support from those going through similar wedding planning problems rather than annoy their unmarried friends with constant wedding talk.

    Some of us have large budgets and some of us have small budgets.  Those of us who have large budgets either have very generous parents, have the money to pay for it themselves, or are going into debt for it.  Those of us who have small budgets either don’t want to go into debt for it, don’t have parents able or willing to pay, don’t want to accept the help from others, or just downright do not see the point in spending thousands upon thousands for one day.  GUESS WHAT?  YOU ARE ALL RIGHT!  It doesn’t matter how much money you have for a budget or why your budget is the way it is, YOU ARE DOING WHAT IS BEST FOR YOU.  And, really, that’s all the matters.

    Posting that you feel bad that you have a large budget kind of comes across to me as rudely rubbing it in or showing off to some of the girls’ faces who have small budgets and wish they had larger budgets.  Also, judging someone who has a large budget as spoiled also is rude.  The same thing goes in reverse.

    Why bother even having these discussions at all?  Discussing and arguing over why your budget is the way it is with random brides from the internet who have nothing to do with your own wedding is pointless.  Are you receiving good advice about your own wedding through this dialogue?  No.  All that is happening is people are intentionally hurting each others feelings.


    Post # 173
    400 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2010

    Sorry I don’t get why you would feel bad about spending your money on your wedding.  I don’t think people are giving encouragement ro brides with 2K budgets b/c they think spending too much money is wrong.  You give the encouragement b/c everyone doesn’t have big bucks or Mommy & Daddy to pay for their wedding and it can be challenging putting together your dream day with a small budget.  I never thought being fortunate was unfortunate.  

    Post # 174
    888 posts
    Busy bee

    i think everyone here should be encouraged and cheered on whether they have a 2K wedding or a 200K wedding.  i don’t personally love this thread and i think it might be hurtful to some people

    The topic ‘Anyone feel bad for not having a tiny budget?’ is closed to new replies.

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