(Closed) Anyone feel bad for not having a tiny budget?

posted 11 years ago in Money
  • poll: Mr. Bee asks: there have been requests to close this thread. Should it be closed?

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  • Post # 92
    Member
    212 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    @jackie-o and @farfromordinary I’d love to hear some tips on being resourceful to save money instead of DIYing everything. I’m all about sales and getting good deals 🙂

    Post # 93
    Member
    541 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2010

    @pennednpapered  Sure!

    Invitations-There’s no way I was making my own.Just not happening. So instead I found a vendor that I like and am having her do almost all of my stationary. The per item cost was alot higher but what we negotiated was that since she is doing all of it, it would be discounted. Think more like a bulk rate..

    Linens-Select event rentals offers monthly sales for the entire year. You have to purchase during the month the sale is offered. Next month linens are 1/2 off. Score.

    Lighting-Talked our lighting company into giving us the uplighting for cocktail hour and a mogram complimentary since we are doing intelligent lighting for the reception.

    Florals-I’m not doing flowers for the bridesmaids. Just can’t justify it, so where I decided to save is to have them wear a flowered jewel accessory (I fell in love with these rings I saw online). My florist is going to give me the petals left from the unused roses and we are double dutying (lol) all of the florals.

    Venue-Biggest score ever.  No fee for ceremony and negotiated extending cocktail hour to 1.5 hours. We’re doing late evening ceremony followed by cocktail hour+ and late night brunch (unconventional but that’s what we like). By changing the menu we were able to cut costs $35.  We negotiated having butlered mimosas and bellinis (we are having an open bar but thought this was a nice touch) and the venue has the most amazing silver bars I saw out during an open house that we will be using (SCORE!). We are also getting a complimentary room for ourselves, plus our parents and parking for 5 cars for the bridal party.

    Band-By having one of the members play for the ceremony, we were able to negotiate and extra member for cocktail hour.

    Photography-asked if I could have a discount off the total price if I added a budoir session, guess what…got that too.

    The key is just knowing what you want and not offending people by acting like you are entitled to a discount. You have to value your vendors FIRST and see if they can add in any extra touches. I rarely will insult someone by offering them less than they’ve quoted, what I will do is say “If I want xxx on top of this, can you work with me”. Most times they are more inclined to do so.

    We are also getting married on New Years Eve and I love that holiday. I extended an invitation to my vendors to invite their significant others at midnight. I wouldn’t want to be working away from my honey so I didn’t require they do so. Not a big deal to me and many were grateful for the offer.

    Post # 94
    Member
    5262 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2012

    @frugalfaye – I’m sorry, I work to put myself through college, have student loans as well, and have been paying for my own groceries and cell phone bill since I was 16 because my mom thought it was a “fun idea.” My freshman year of college I had to jump right into the real world, working 50 hours a week some weeks at two jobs, plus going to undergrad full time with a required minimum GPA to keep a scholarship. As a psychology human services major, I too have worked with underprivileged – mostly youth – and my job is as a caretaker at a nursing home. You have no right to judge me for saying I feel there is often a negative attitude towards brides who have a larger budget than others – to say that it is wrong to have a budget of X amount is just adding to the problem. You are no more qualified to judge me than the people who write the blog posts about “Why a 5k Wedding is Better Than a 20K one.” 

    Most of the answers on here from budget brides (although I consider myself a budget bride, even though I have a larger budget number because of where I live) have been so respectful and we’ve all found common ground. And no one is saying, “oh, I wish there were less posts about budget brides” – we’re all just saying that we wish others weren’t so judgmental about weddings, a sentiment that I think really stretches to all brides concerning some aspect of their wedding. 

    So why is it that you have a right to judge our weddings? Why is it that we don’t have the right to express frustration about an issue that seems very pertinent in the DIY blogs? 

    Post # 95
    Member
    227 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    @tulip – good point. We’re both practical people too, and you’ve echoed a lot of the reasons we have for going the small destination wedding route. Not that a wedding is impractical; we’re not traditionalists and there are a lot of other things we decided we’d rather spend money on. I was stressing about my $10k budget until I found out my parents will chip in. I’ve told them that they are more than welcome to forgo getting us a wedding gift and even Christmas gifts and that can be their gift to us.

    @everyone else – I don’t believe that compassion for others and splurging on nice things sometimes (including a nice wedding) have to be mutually exclusive. I work with a lot of very poor people in my field. I don’t make or spend tons of money, but I could easily feel guilty about a lot of “luxuries” I have. Cable, satellite radio, heck – do I even need my car? I could give a lot of money to charity if I rode the bus.

    Although I do get what faye is saying – people with a $20k budget are privileged. People with a $2k budget are privileged. People who have any amount of money to spend on one day of celebration are privileged. I consider myself very fortunate to have the money I do to spend on the wedding I want. Fiance and I work hard for it, but in this economy, we’re fortunate to have the opportunity to work hard. Many don’t. I think that puts things into perspective a bit for me, especially when I see the fancy stuff that would be totally fun but isn’t in our budget.

    Post # 96
    Member
    223 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2010

    Good work farfromordianrybride!  You are going to have an awesome wedding.  I also love the night brunch!  Do you know what is going to be on the menu?

    Post # 97
    Member
    212 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    Wow @farfromordianrybride. Thanks for sharing! That gives me hope since I’m just now starting to meet with the vendors we still need. Everything sounds amazing (especially the brunch!)

    Post # 98
    Member
    1051 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2010

    To chime in, I’m with Monkeygirl – I’ve totally been considering my $20k wedding a “budget wedding” (and I’m definitely having a really hard time staying within budget even with all my DIY projects!).  Haha, oops…

     

    Post # 99
    Member
    89 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    For the most part, I don’t really feel bad about it.  But sometimes, it does hit me.  Like the other day, I saw an article about doing weddings for under $10K in all of this big expensive cities.  And I started thinking about it like, well it’s not my fault that our Church only does weddings on Saturdays meaning that we can’t get a lower price on a venue on another day.  Things like that bug me.  But otherwise, no, I don’t really mind.  It’s each person’s taste, and I feel like FH and I are getting our dream wedding at a pretty darn good price for what we’re getting.  And still DIY-ing a bit haha

    Post # 100
    Member
    89 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    @twalila: I agre with you!!

    Post # 102
    Member
    2394 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2010

    Small but important point re: budgets.  The actual dollar amount spent is pretty useless as a metric when considered in isolation.  Throwing these numbers around doesn’t do much good and just seems to raise hackles on all sides.

    Every bride has a budget, ergo, we’re all, in some form or another, budget brides.  Picking and quibbling over who “counts” and what that says about her as a bride or a person is counterproductive in the extreme. 

    Knowing a person’s budget does not reveal deep and fundamental truths about her soul or way of being in the world.  The only thing one can possible be sure of is that she made a complicated set of decisions involving finances, lifestyle, personality, family, tradition, religion, weather and heaven only knows what else that led to X amount of money being spent on a wedding.

    Some of us are doing lots of crafty projects because we have the time and inclination.  Some of us are working with vendors to realize our visions.  Both of these things are fine.  What matters is that on the actual day each bride is happy with at least the majority of the elements of the wedding. 

    That other people may have arrived at that destination via a different route is not a commentary on you or your choices.  Praise and encouragement given to those who’ve done something I wouldn’t is not, as I said before, the same as a person insulting my decision.  Put bluntly, sometimes it’s just not about you.

    GirlWithaRing – I realize that perhaps I am belaboring this point, but I have to say that the notion that those who work less “demanding” jobs are somehow necessarily better situated to take on copious craft projects (or even, say, eat dinner or shower in peace) is a broadly inaccurate generalization.  Your reamark re: craft stores is not unlike my presuming that because a person has a certain post count on Weddingbee, she must not have a very important job.

    Post # 103
    Member
    1981 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I’m with the other posters –It doesn’t matter what the budget, I’m supportive of a pretty dress, a happy girl getting married and in the end, a beautiful wedding. Being truly happy and in love will show no matter what your budget is.

    But to quote ing…

    “However, where I have a problem is that you are acting like you are the only one with a job & doing DIY projects.  You are not the only one here that is doing that.  There are plenty of women out there that have a job, maybe 2 jobs, going to school, have kids, planning a wedding & doing DIY projects.  They are doing what they have to do, you are doing what you have to do.”

    I agree completely. Like you said, it’s about choices. Don’t complain if yours are more of a struggle than others, and likewise, others won’t complain about their choices–complaining about your workload opens you up to critical comments from other brides who face the same thing but can’t get a higher paying job or don’t qualify for overtime even at a 14-hour-a-day job. Not everyone has the choice that you do, not everyone faces the same struggles, and most of us will end up married. So let’s all be happy together.

    Post # 104
    Member
    1981 posts
    Buzzing bee

    Just saw your post. I’m sorry, but that’s a HUGE assumption. I don’t have time but once a month to go to craft stores, if that. I think maybe you ought to change your attitude about what “other brides” are doing and just accept that we’re all in the same boat and should be supportive.

    Post # 105
    Member
    212 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    @GirlWithARing I really have tried to be respectful in all my posts on this thread. It’s awesome that you have saved and worked hard and can have the wedding of your dreams. I do not think that anyone is denying you this, and I think everyone is thrilled for you for the most part. However, I do ask that you show brides with a lower budget the same curtousy by not making assumptions about their wealth and the way they work for a living.

    Post # 106
    Member
    6659 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: May 2010

    To Kittyachi’s point – I HATE it when I see someone comment “Oh, Mommy and Daddy aren’t paying for OUR wedding” which is exactly why I feel the way I do about the existing prejudice against us large budget brides. That statement is filled with anger and jealousy and I think it’s unnessesary on this site.

    You can stand on your soapbox all you want and scream about how much better you are than me b/c you are footing the bill, but I still have a hard time believing you wouldn’t have accepted the $$ if you were me. And even if you still insist you wouldn’t have accepted it, then why be so mean? Why can’t we be happy for each other?

    PS – someone who made that comment on another thread posted on this one, I’m not going to name names..

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