(Closed) Anyone feel like rooming with friends has or is going to ruin their friendship?

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
3626 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I HATED living with roommates!!! I completely agree that it can ruin a friendship. My co-worker’s going through this now and telling me about it. I love living with Fiance.

Post # 4
Member
550 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Ill be honest, I lost a friend because of this. She never did anything to help around the house and lied about having her boyfriend stay “for just a week” (it turned into two months). We just grew resentful and stopped talking.

Be careful and set rules/boundaries!

Post # 5
Member
109 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I moved in with a friend that I wasn;t super close with and it emotionally scarred me. I knwo that sounds dramatic, but I am really a different person now due to the torrment I went through with her. I never recommend moving in with someone who you don’t know you will get along with.

Post # 6
Member
356 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Rooming with someone either brings you closer or drives you apart.  Maybe you can set up some house rules, or ask to split up the chores?  If they are close friends maybe you can have a heart to heart?

Post # 7
Member
3772 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Never move in with someone you were friends with BEFORE you lived with them, it can work, but in my experience, it normally ends up in heartbreak. I found this out the hard way multiple times.. BUT if you happen to become friends becuase you were roommates in a dorm or something like that… it works out. The biggest issue with living with friends is that, just like moving in with a SO, Fiance, husband, there are quirks that are probably going to get on your nerves. A lot of times you can’t look at your friend the same way.

Post # 9
Member
109 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@misskittenn:  I really feel for you and understand how you are feeling. I have roommate issues to this day because I have let people walk all over me. It’s so hard to find a balance between being nice and being assertive. I don’t really have much advice, but I want you to know it will get better. The passive-aggressive thing is easy to fall into but it will make you miserable in the long run. Just stick to who you are and be honest. It is the best policy.

Post # 10
Member
1071 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Yes that has happened to me.  It is really not a good idea to live with close friends who you have an emotional attachment to.  That being said, you need to sit down with them and make some house rules.  Clean up your mess, dont eat my food etc. They will probably get mad at you in the short term but in the long term it might save your friendship.

Post # 11
Member
2065 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Wow, I had nothing but great experiences living with friends. I’ve lived with 3 different friends at different times in my life (one girl I shared an apt with and then three years later we rented a house together!) – and they were all my bridesmaids! It can work, you just have to have realistic expectations and set boundaries. I think it helped that we’d all lived on our own at some point and no one expected anyone else to clean up after them and we were respectful of each other’s space.

Post # 12
Member
803 posts
Busy bee

Yes, when I was attending college, I never roomed with my close friends. My first roommate and I were fortunate enough to become friends after having been assigned to room together, and we opted to live together for another year afterwards. We were very comfortable living together, and we had heard and seen examples where friends living together had ended up hating each other. I was also very aware of my friends’ living habits, and knew I wouldn’t be comfortable living with them. Even after college, when my friends moved to the same city as me, I knew I didn’t want to live with them. If we lived in the same apartment complex (same as living in the same dorm), that was fine, but we have extremely different living habits.

You need to be honest, because the passive aggressive act isn’t going to get you very far. One of the reasons why my roommate and I worked out so well was because from the very beginning we discussed basic rules for living together and were respectful of each others’ spaces. If you guys never discussed any basic rules or boundaries, you need to sit them down and say: 

Hey, these things have been bothering me. Maybe we can discuss some basic rules around the house that we can all respect. I’m fine with sharing food, but it’s annoying to keep coming home and finding all my food gone. 

Maybe suggest that you all chip in for house groceries? 

Post # 13
Member
4109 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Yes. My best friend of several years moved into my condo after graduating college. Long story short, I found out all sorts of things about her that I wish I hadn’t. We fought alot, she moved out a year later and we haven’t spoken since. This was a girl I spoke to over the phone 3 x’s a day, did everything with etc so we were originally super close for a very long time & I thought we’d be a perfect fit as roommates. When we were preteens we even daydreamed about getting an apartment together when we turned 18. On the contrary, I’ve had 4 male roommates (one being my little brother) with absolutely NO issues. Go figure.

 

Post # 14
Member
1402 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I lived with one of my best friends when we transferred to the same university our sophomore year.  We had a huge fight during finals our first semester.  It’s been 2.5 years and, while we’re on speaking terms again, we’re not friends.  I’ve been thinking about reaching out to her and catching up, though.  Neither of us are ones to hold grudges, but living with her (and two other roommates) was the worst thing for our friendship.  After that happened I’ve lived alone (minus living with SO), and I will never room with another friend again.

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