(Closed) anyone feel like they’re paying a disproportionate amount in wedding expenses?

posted 10 years ago in Money
Post # 17
Member
541 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I feel the same way. So far we have only done the deposits for the venue and the caterer, which were 250 each. I paid the caterer out of my personal checking account, but when he sent in the deposit for the venue, he wrote the check out of our joint checking account that we use for household bills and remodeling expenses. It seriously put me through the roof!! And he makes as much in one week as I do in two and the amount of money he has in savings is ridiculous!

 

I still haven’t figured out a way to approach or bring it up without making myself feel bad. I know he probably doesn’t even realize that things haven’t been equal and wouldn’t care and probably fix it, but even though we have one joint account, a mortgage and etc I feel uncomfortable bringing money up and just saying WTF!

Post # 18
Member
541 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

And I forgot to add that I also during this time paid 500.00 worth the repairs on his car because he forgot his checkbook when we picked it up and they didn’t take debit/credit. I’m on a roll now!

Post # 19
Member
961 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I think finances is one of those things that is most difficult with relationships.  Not only do I manage our money (because he has proven irresponsible in the past), but I bring in about double what he does.  All of our wedding expenses have come from my pocket.  I am not actually bothered by this, though.  If he had more money, then he’d be paying for it, instead.  I don’t mind being the one shelling out the dough mostly because he has agreed with the majority of the decisions I’ve made regarding the wedding (including having the wedding in my parents’ hometown).

Post # 20
Member
431 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

we opened a joint checking account for the wedding and plan to use it after as well.  We both put X amount of dollars each month.  a lot of the time we’ll pay with our personal credit cards just to earn mileage/rewards then take the money out of the joint acct to pay to credit card.  the only things that have come out of our personal accts will be attendant gifts, my dress and whatever extras I want in the wedding that wasn’t part of the budget.

Post # 21
Member
601 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

We make monthly payments to the reception hall and we both go in on it together. We figure out how much one of us can come up with every pay day (we get paid on the same day so it’s a lot easier that way) and the other one matches it. We are both paying for the wedding together. There are a couple of things that I will have him pay for alone because I’m buying a lot of the accessories on my own.

Post # 22
Member
339 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Perhaps you should open up a joint savings or checking “wedding” account together (my and FI’s is an ING account), agree on an amount that each of you will put in each paycheck that you’re both comfortable with, and then when things need to be paid, it comes out of that account.  That way, the money instantly becomes “yours” and specifically for the wedding. 

That’s helped a lot with the “who’s paying for what” between Fiance & I.  I make a little more money than he does (which is not saving a whole heck of a lot b/c we’re both students) but I also have more expenses than he does, so it evens out pretty much.  The other thing I try to keep in mind is how much he spent on my engagement ring, which even if it isn’t for the wedding per se, it is what started the whole thing 🙂

Post # 23
Member
98 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I think it is important to REALLY THINK & decide WHY you may be putting more money into the wedding? Does your fiance not have a ton of money to contribute? Or does he have the money to contribute but just isn’t?  Depending on how you’d answer this question, my response would be different.  If you feel he can afford to help out more, then you have to talk to him! Maybe he doesn’t realize how much more you have contributed.. have you sat down with him and decided a budget?  If you’ve done all this, then telling him you’re feeling used is the next step. Although I’d find a better way to word that.  JUST BE CAREFUL about how the situation is handled.  If he can’t afford much as it is, beginning an argument about wedding expenses (and who’s paying what) could be bad news.

For my wedding, my fiance & fiance’s family is paying for pretty much everything… I absolutely HATE that is has to be this way, but there is really no other option.  I’m currently enrolled in college, have a college job.. but that job only pays for rent, food, school supplies, etc.  Unfortunately my family can’t help much either.  My dad has been battling cancer for over two years now and can’t even afford to pay off the many many medical bills.. that on top of other financial struggles.  My parents are paying for everything they can for my wedding, which is close to nothing in the grand scheme of things, but my wonderful fiance understands our situation.  He respects the financial differences of our families and knows that my family isn’t trying to rob him of his money.  I hesitate to say we have a “good” reason.. since its not a good situation.  Anyway, we would LOVE to contribute more, but simply can’t.  In return, my family and i plan on doing a lot of the little, tedious projects for the wedding like making the invitations, save the dates, centerpieces, etc…

ANYWAY, the situation you’re in seems to be quite different than mine.  I don’t see any other option besides talking to him about your concerns, while respecting his as well. The ladies above have some really good ideas.. try those out! Best of luck!

Post # 24
Member
11324 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

that seems like a pain in the ass of a way to do things. We decided on a budget, set up a wedding account, and agreed on a set amount to contribute each month. If there isn’t enough money in the account (bc our budget is based on 12 mo of saving and some things get paid early!) i just cover it and then reimburse myself later. 

Post # 25
Member
210 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I know i’m a little late finding this threat, but I agree that you should absolutely not let him use your dad’s money for groomsmen gifts.  Just tell him you using it to “reimburse yourself” for all the things you’ve already had to pay for. 

Post # 26
Member
210 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

THREAD, not threat.  Ha, oops.

Post # 27
Member
3125 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

For the most part, I am paying my bills, paying for our wedding and saving for a house. He covers his bills, and our spending money. Im ok with it. My money is “our” money, I make twice as much as he does, when we have babies he will stay home with them, and he does most of the cooking. It all evens out in the end.

Post # 28
Member
47 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I think you need to get a handle on this, thinking beyond the wedding.  Is this how it’s going to be once you’re married?  I think you’ll need to have a serious sit-down-talk.

I’m lucky, i earn pretty much the same as me beloved (which in my opinion is pretty effed up anyway, i’m a physio at a private sports clinic, he’s been a Marine for 20+ years; i prod people for a living, he’s on the front line in warzones, etc) and we’ve started a joint account now to do the wedding with, but after we’re married and he PCS’s i’ll be unemployed for however long it takes… which could be years… and he’s ok paying for my life expenses: car, clothing, etc which is a major thing for me as i’ve been earning and paying my own way since i was 17

Post # 29
Member
12 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I’m paying more – but it’s because I make significantly more.  At the beginning of this thing, we put together a budget and discussed payments and a plan.  And we stuck to the plan.  It sounds like you guys skipped the planning stage.  Does he know how much he *should* be paying?  Does he know how much you are paying?  Do you have a budget laid out of how much you guys are spending on things?  If you don’t do any of these, it’s hard to really know why it’s happening. 

Post # 30
Member
1023 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Does he get to make wedding related decisions? I’d be pretty resistant to paying 50-50 when my SO clearly makes more and perhaps is directing the wedding. Obviously I don’t know this, so if he is getting a say, disregard. But if I only have X left over a month and am told I should put it towards Y, which I really don’t even want, I wouldn’t offer.

The topic ‘anyone feel like they’re paying a disproportionate amount in wedding expenses?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors