Post # 1
This might seem silly, but I feel like any time I suggest an idea to her she says “I don’t know if people will like that…” (ie, “We should have cupcakes at the welcome hour..” Maid/Matron of Honor: “I don’t know…would people like that? They probably don’t want to mix the sugar and alcohol.”). Or I’ll send her a dress or bouquet or shoe, and she’ll say “I don’t like the color” or “The ratio of rose to feather seems off” or “The lace seems cheap” or “I could buy that at a flea market”. I’m not kidding. These are ACTUAL things. It’s literally starting to peeve me a little. At first I thought she just had my best interest at heart and was trying to make sure that we get the best product we can for what we pay for you know? But now it’s just making me sad. It’s like NOTHING is good enough.
Anyone have any experience with this?
Post # 3
@papercrayons: I hear you! the last week alone she has told me that because we are not having spirits available at the bar (extensive beer and wine lists though) she will sneak a hip flask of Jack Daniels in, She is having her front tooth pulled 3 days before wedding cos she cracked it years ago, why aren’t we hiring a limo for transport (though we did also hire her and her family a car for the whole weekend they are in town). And now she doesnt like the seating plan…..
I hope she pulls her head in on the day!
Post # 4
OMG! I’m kind of relieved I’m not the only one, but still feel bad for you too. I don’t really understand what is happening but really wish I did?
Post # 5
- Wedding: June 2011 - Sydney, Australia
I had ONE bridesmaid like this – the rest were all supportive and helpful. Suffice it to say that after a few clashes, that bridesmaid & I are no longer friends, and she’s not in the wedding. Not thinking that will happen to you – but definitely have been there!
Post # 6
One of my MOH’s is like this. I’ve just learned to limit the things I ask her opinion for. She’s very frugal and thinks that I’m wasting money on things “I don’t need”. What I really want to tell her is…”When you get married, then you worry about what’s wasteful and what’s not!!” OAN: she’s working her butt off planning an AWESOME bachelorette party for me, so I gotta love her…smile.
Post # 7
- Wedding: May 2011 - Bartram's Garden
That’s totally annoying. If I were you, I’d stop telling her your wedding plans. Then she won’t have the opportunity to complain about your choices.
Post # 8
I’m not sure if it sounds like she’s being mean…sounds like she’s just giving her honest opinion.
Post # 9
Yeah I would just stop showing her things. It’s not her wedding so she doesn’t need to see every detail 🙂
Post # 10
I just let it roll off my back. Like we asked my FI’s niece the other day to be a flowergirl. She said “You better take her to other weddings so she knows what’s going on, but no, that may confuse her since it won’t be in a church.” I didn’t hear it but my Fiance did. She controlled everything in her daughter’s wedding and expects to do the same for her son, including saying we need to get married in a church. It is OUR day not HER day so we are doing what is right for us.
Stop telling her your plans. If she makes a snarky comment fight back with kindness. “I think its cheap looking.” “Well actually the lace is handmade vintage and I find it rather dashing.” Counter every negative with a positive and she won’t be getting the effect she wants i.e. you upset, and hopefully it will stop.
Post # 11
Aww that sucks.
I had one friend acting this way, and since then I have just stopped either bringing up wedding plans or commenting when she needles me for details because I am getting tired of the negativity.
My MOA (Maid of Awesome [rather than honour haha]) has been nothing but supportive and enthusiastic, which is one of the [thousands of] reasons why she is awesome.
I would just stop mentioning the minute details to her if she can’t be anything but negative.
Post # 12
At first she absolutely was. I think it had to do with her being jealous of my fiance though, she and I have been best friends since we were 2 years old and have that weird ESP share a brain thing that twins do, so I think she was scared of losing me. Also, making sure I was 100% on this decision. She would comment about money “how much are you spending- oh, thats a respectable amount” and some of my choices “thats not the dress I imagined you choosing” stuff like that. Now she is the best maid of honour, taking off work for appointments, telling me how beautiful things are, coming up with fantasic ideas,etc 🙂
Post # 13
You should really tell her that her comments bug you. She may think that she is helping by “playing devil’s advocate” or throwing out a different opinion. If she’s your friend you should be able to say “I know your trying to help but some of your comments really hurt me and stress me out”. You will feel better after you talk it out.
Without sounding like a bridzilla- family and friends have to realize we don’t want opinions on everything we tell a person about.