(Closed) Anyone feel pressure to meet SO in college? (Princeton letter to the editor)

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Pressure to find THE ONE in college?
    Intense pressure : (0 votes)
    On my mind : (9 votes)
    9 %
    Never thought of it : (19 votes)
    20 %
    Met SO in college : (26 votes)
    27 %
    We didn't meet until after college : (19 votes)
    20 %
    This article is sexist/elitist : (16 votes)
    17 %
    This is sound advice, it's hard to meet guys after college : (6 votes)
    6 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    11325 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2011

    I don’t think she is saying ALL women should marry in college, but just those at the really good schools… lol. 

    But regardless. I think it’s dumb for the reasons the article pointed out. You don’t have to be less intelligent than your husband. And you don’t have to be younger than him. Take it from me! I am 4 whole months older than my husband, which may not seem like a lot but it was enough to put him 1 year behind me in terms of graduating from high school (although we didn’t meet until we had both finished college). Nevertheless– according to the author of the letter he would be out of my dating pool.

    Also, I love my husband and he’s very smart and very good at a lot of things I’m not good at (like his job in finance, which is way over my head)– but if you asked him which of us was smarter he’d say me. On a booksmarts level– it isn’t really a competition. He struggled in school, got his BA from an “unimpressive”, and got the hell out. I was on every honors list, got scholorships, got my BA, and went on to the top ranked law school in Ohio (ok– not exactly ivy league but nothing to sneeze at either). I think what is more important than who is smarter is the fact that we’re smart about different things. I’m more likely to be able to help our (future) kids with homework or craft a perfect argument (I am a lawyer after all). He’s loads better at all things money and finance and technology. We learn from each other. 

    And we didn’t meet in college. So… 🙂

    Post # 4
    Member
    10568 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: January 2011

    I met Darling Husband in university (which is different than college here).  We didn’t get married until he was done school.

     

    Using traditional methods, I probably am more intellegent than my husband.  I am more educated.  It doesn’t matter though.  We’re not equal on all subjects, but we complement each other.

     

    Maybe the author of this article should have suggested these women marry each other?

    I do think school is a good place to meet someone.  It’s different than a work environment, you tend to be surrounded by a large number of people around your own age, it’s where a majority of your time is spent and with all the clubs, options, etc. it’s fairly easy to find someone with common interests.

    It is more difficult meeting someone while working full-time, and work-place romanaces are more complicated than school based ones.

     

    Post # 5
    Member
    14404 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    That’s pretty crazy ‘advice’ imo.  My husband is (yikes) 5 years younger than me and we met at work.  I was dating in college and had some serious relationship, but I certainly wasn’t on marriage mode.  If it worked, and I married someone from college, great.  If not.. oh well.  I’m in engineering though and work in a male dominated field, so there was no shortage of pickings at work.

    Post # 6
    Member
    6210 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

    May get flamed for this, but I don’t think that a lot of people who actually go to princeton would find this to be too shocking or too much pressure unless they are really not ready to date (maybe they want to be in school for 10 years or they are not at the level of maturity necessary). I have spent a lot of time there (my Fiance went there) and a lot of people who go to ivy league schools are pretty elitist. From what I have experienced post grad, it actually is harder to find someone who is of the same intellectual level outside of school (especially since many successful people work super long hours), and since there are just so many people on a college campus, I would say that it’s not terrible advice to spend a decent amount of time dating. 

    Not saying it’s horrible or hopeless if you don’t, but many of my friends are having trouble dating now that they have left school because they simply can’t find as many people that are at the level of intelligence they have come to expect from people after spending 4 years at a top 20 school.

    Post # 7
    Member
    2759 posts
    Sugar bee

    I met my ex in college. We got engaged because we thought it was the right thing to do, and that was a HUGE mistake. I am SO thankful I didn’t marry him.

    Post # 8
    Member
    1376 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    I’m not gonna lie, college was the best opportunity for random casual dating that I’ve ever had in my life. (This included me dating a freshman when I was a senior-guess I wasn’t too old and shriveled up for him.)

     

    But would I have made a good life partner in college-ESPECIALLY at the age of 18-19? No. Would most of the guys on my campus made a good life partner? Probably not. Are some college sweethearts I knew still together and happy? Yes. But the great majority of my family and friends are with someone who they met post-college. 

     

    It’s harder to meet people in general after college but I think it’s a lot easier to meet a partner who is more like-minded and has similar goals and values in life-since most people between the ages of 18-22 don’t have a clear idea of what their goals and values are, IMO.

     

    Quality over quantity everytime.

     

     

     

    Post # 9
    Member
    2638 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2006

    I did meet my husband at college, and I’m thankful for that because it really IS hard to meet people as an adult. I work in an office with six guys, all at least 15 years older than I am and married with children or gay. I don’t know where I’d even start.

    Post # 10
    Member
    10367 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2010

    @MeiFrancis:  I’m an MIT grad, and have not found it hard in my field to meet people on the same level. I think a lot may ride on where you go after school – I stayed in Boston/Cambridge, which is lousy with smart, ambitious, well-educated people. I met my husband after school through online dating in Boston, and basically only even went on dates with people “on my level” through Match. It was a great resource for a busy professional out of school.

    Post # 11
    Member
    6360 posts
    Bee Keeper

    I guess my friend group might be a bit different…

    I felt the pressure “not to let boys distract me from doing my best” in college… I had a steady boyfriend most of the time (one at the beginning and a different one at the end) and some of my friends thought that was a bad idea since relationships take time etc., which is distracting during that crucial time.

    They had a point… my first one and I broke up during my end of year exams… on the same day as one of my exams, actually. I cried while filling out that exam… I’m sure people thought I was failing the exam. I did very well on the exam, actually, but I know I could have gotten a little higher of a grade on it, if that hadn’t happened that way.

    I didn’t marry either of those guys… I didn’t meet my Fiance until well after college, and I didnlt feel rushed or hurried into marrying him, either. In my group, it’s normal to marry later than the national average (which is 27 for women right now). Marrying later allows us to get our education and career established.

    Post # 12
    Member
    137 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I found this article amusing because for one the person who was criticising the lady’s view was wrong about the conclusion… The older woman did not say that women were supposed to find men who were smarter than them, she said “intellectual equal”. The woman was saying that she doesnt think that smart women want to go out with men who are not as smart as them (whether this is true or not I dont know) but her view on the ladies of princeton having to find husbands at princeton is outdated like the write says. There are other ways to meet people nowadays like the internet. 

    I always thought I was going to meet my FH at university so when I went through 4 years of university without finidng THE ONE I was disappointed but I moved on. I mean my parents met at college so I thought that was what was going to happen to me. I took 2 years off school to work and then went back to school do something completely different. Someone actually made a comment that I was going away to find a husband like my dad found my mom. This time I really wasnt looking for someone because I was sure that I would be older than most of the guys there and it turned out that I did meet my Fiance at university the second time around. And I am older than him.

    I think what the older lady was trying to say that women who graduate from Princeton may have a limited pool because men are too intimidated by the fact that they went to princeton, they may perceive them as too smart or whatver. But there are other ivy league schools with men who attend. If she really wants to find an ivy league guy she could try one of them.

    I guy once told me he would never go out with me because I was too opinionated (not that I asked him… unsolicited rudeness) but that never stopped me from finding someone who loves me because I’m smart and opinionated. 

    I guess what I’m saying is that girls shouldnt feel pressured to find a husband at college or by a certain age or whatever. When the right guy comes along he will come along and you cant force it, it just happens.

     

    Post # 13
    Member
    13099 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    I met my Darling Husband in college and I’ll admit, it was on my mind that it would be way easier to meet someone in college than after school and in the work-world.  I wasn’t going to force something that wasn’t right, but I did want to take advantage of the easy environment for meeting people and forming relationships.  And going to an engineering school, there were lots of guys to choose from and lots of driven, like-minded people.  And I got lucky that I found the perfect person for me!

     

    In terms of book smarts, I’m more intelligent than Darling Husband on paper – higher GPA, more awards, etc.  But I think that is largely due to the fact that I applied myself more.  And Darling Husband has more “street smarts” than my in many ways.  We compliment each other well.

    Post # 14
    Member
    6210 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

    @crayfish:  yeah, if you live in a city or are in a field where you have a lot of coworkers of the opposite gender, I have found that people don’t really have a problem. The problem comes in when you move to a lower population area without a lot of universities around. One of my friends, for instance, was a writing seminars major, and now lives somewhere in VA, but in the suburbs. Since the only places she knows of to go to meet people are bars, she has had a really hard time and discounts a lot of people because they aren’t educated or aren’t at the same intelligence level as she is. Her office is all women. I’m sure she will meet someone, it just might take her longer than if she hadn’t wasted her time at school with a guy who cheated on her all the time

    Post # 15
    Member
    1177 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    That woman is such an idiot. How do you get from thinking that stuff n your own head to writing it down and getting it published? And her poor son. So humiliating.

    Post # 16
    Member
    2573 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    1) I have to wonder if this article is an April Fool’s joke. Samantha Brick (Daily Mail – Google it) definitely comes to mind…

     

    2) I am glad I didn’t get married immediately after college. A lot of my friends did, but I was very lost in college and very easy to target by a$$hole men. I needed my professional years outside of college to grow a backbone and have a better idea of who I was.

     

    3) I voted that this article was sexist/elitist. I’m by no means elitist/rich, but from what I have read, ridiculous sexism exists at that level. Like, 1800s/early 1900s Victoria era sexism.

     

    4) Also, my college alma mater was 70/30 female/male. It’s my university (business school) that is the sausage-fest. I already met my SO before starting business school, but I would definitely date classmates if I were single. Not b/c everyone not in business school was “less intelligent,” but at least b/c there would be a bigger chance of seeing eye to eye with someone with my educational background. We would be equals though – none of this “Well, men are ok with dating/marrying beautiful bimbos while women should not be” crap. I find the article sexist and offensive to both genders.

     

    I do see the author’s point, but like a commenter on the article said: “Everyone has a shelf life. That’s why it’s called life.” She should have just worded it differently instead of targeting women. It’s women like her that are the reason for women’s progress being hindered in the working world. And to think, she is old enough to be a mentor? No, thank you.

     

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