(Closed) Anyone find out the gender but keep it secret?

posted 6 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 17
1401 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

@Nona99:  Oh gosh, I feel like the name question is borderline taboo to ask nowadays. People get really uncomfortable if you ask and they don’t want to share (and a lot of people don’t these days because sharing is seen by some as an invite to critique and/or make suggestions). Hanging out with my pregnant SIL this Christmas, she got super cagey when the name topic came up even though nobody was making suggestions… fair enough, I say. 

Post # 18
1031 posts
Bumble bee

Dh and I are in the middle of doing this. We have known since Decemeber 30th what we are having, but have shared with no one. Kind of, the bees know of course and a few random people like the lady who took my blood yesterday and a very sweet housekeepr in Cuba. My mom also knows becuase she was at the ultrasound and it was super obvious.

At first people were at us about it with good intentions is was ‘You can tell me! Who will I tell?’ but it has been a firm you will find out in May just like everyone else. People just gave it up after a while. Then they try and guess, they look at my face and go it’s a girl/boy I just shrug and tell this either way they’re right. It has gotten to the point where I just say ‘we are keeping it a surprise’ when people ask.

We are happy with our decision and cannot wait until everyone knows. We actually don’t plan on telling anyone until they come to the hospital/for a visit 🙂

Post # 19
6256 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2014

Not TTC yet, I think we will keep it a secret until after the shower. I went to a shower recently for a little boy and you would not believe all the ridiculous clothes he got. A SUIT, for one. For an INFANT. Not like a sleep suit…like an actual little sport coat and slacks combo. Ridiculous. The mother, who had registered for mostly practical things, was pretty much beside herself. And I’ve heard of little girl showers that are even worse.

No one needs frilly things the child will grow out of in four months! Give me something boring or ugly like diapers or breastfeeding gear any day of the week. The kid can wear onesies just as easily as some overly adult, ridiculously gendered piece of clothing, and it will be much more comfortable.

Post # 20
5474 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

We decided not to find out the gender with Dear Daughter, which worked out GREAT since we didn’t get a ton of frilly pink dresses at our shower, and when people inevitably asked, we just (honestly) said that we didn’t know.

We decorated the nursery with a baby animal theme, had some neutral clothes for the first couple of weeks (then we got bombarded with pink outfits thanks to the grandmas!) and all of our big ticket items were also neutral so we could use them with future baby/ies.  

Anyway, I don’t know that I wouldn’t have accidentally slipped if I had known ahead of time, so we didn’t find out at all.  We are on the fence about finding out this time.

Post # 21
4575 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@PatientBee:  We found out and have told no one about it.  We are, however, having a gender reveal baby shower, so everyone is going to find out on March 15.   That was our compromise.

Post # 22
4335 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

We found out, and revealed it at the showers. In hindsight, I WISH we had just told people we weren’t finding out. A huge part of why I didnt want other people to know is b/c I did not want tons of single-gender clothes, and I know for a fact people are more likely to buy clothes (instead of stuff you actually need off your registry…) when they know if it’s a boy or girl. It was hard b/c we would slip up sometimes to our close friends and family, and I wish we’d just been able to say “oh we didnt find out, but just alternate pronouns” or whatever.

Post # 23
258 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

This is what Darling Husband wanted to do – find out but not tell anyone. I had a hard enough time keeping the pregnancy a secret, I told him there was no way I was keeping the gender a secret too! But we’ve agreed no big announcment or gender reveal party. If people ask, we can tell them but we’re not offering the info up. So that was our compromise!

Post # 24
73 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

We’re keeping it a secret. We just lie to everyone and tell them we didn’t find out, and nobody thinks anything of it. It’s actually partially because even though we were told the gender, the ultrasound tech seemed unsure about it and gave us a disclaimer that it wasn’t 100% definite, so even having been told a gender I wouldn’t be surprised if it ended up being the opposite.


Post # 25
3378 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

This is what we plan to do – glad to hear stories from other bees who have done this!  We’re going to go the route of finding out, but telling everyone we don’t know.  No need to cause extra drama by having the whole element of “You don’t get to know!  Nana nana boo boo!”  There are multiple reasons we want to do this – the whole gift thing (who needs a billion super gendered clothing?  If we have a shower or people want to give us gifts, it would be much more helpful to get gender neutral items that we actually need), I think this also leads to less pressure to reveal the name, and I think it would just be lovely to have this secret between the two of us.  I think it’ll also be awesome to have the big reveal at birth for our family and friends.  

And I honestly have to disagree with the people who say nobody else cares – maybe not as much as the parents-to-be care, but I’m definitely interested in the gender, name choices, and all that other stuff with family members’ and friends’ babies.

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