(Closed) Anyone get married "quickly"?

posted 5 years ago in 20 Something
Post # 3
3574 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I had a short engagement but I was with my Fiance for many years before marriage.  I would just say to people that you see no reason to wait, that you’ve already selected a date, or that you will take their opinion into consideration.  (And then ignore it). 

That being said, if you notice a lot of people saying that to you, I hope it gives you some pause.  I dated lots of guys in my 20s.  I was with one for 4 years who at the time I thought for sure was “the one.”  I’m not saying your Fiance is not your “one,” just that if many people are saying that to you, I would consider their opinions. 

I think the fact that you have a child and that your Fiance has taken her on is terrific.  However, I also think that since you do have a child, you owe it to your child to really take your time and make sure this is the right thing to do.  If the relationship doesn’t work out, it will no longer be just about you. Your child will have lost another father.  For that reason alone, I would never get married after only 1 year of dating, regardless of age.

Post # 4
526 posts
Busy bee

Are you looking to have kids right away? in my circle, couples date and are serious, but usually only get married when they are ready to have kids.  best of luck to you whatever your decision!

Post # 5
8696 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

@MrsTVLover:  I totally agree. However, there are bees who dated and got married in a short amount of time. I can think of 2 offhand and hopefully they will chime in for OP.

Post # 6
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Getting married quickly scared me too much after watching what happened to people who married quickly in my parents’ generation.

And, I agree with futuremrsmp: having a child takes away the luxury of making spontaneous and rash decisions. I also think you owe it to your child to take things more slowly.

Post # 7
1864 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

We had a little bit longer timeline.  We started dating May 2011 (2 years ago today!) and were engaged April 19, ’12 and married August 11, ’12.  People said we were rushing it too, but honestly, our timeline and what was best for us was different than it is for others.  I have some friends that have been together 3 years and I know of 3 couples who met and were engaged and married within the first year.  You need to do what’s right for you and your Fiance and not worry about what other people are saying.  (Unless they have legit concerns about you or your child’s safety which doesn’t sound like an issue at all). 

Post # 8
254 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

My parents dated for 7 months and were married by month 9 and have been together 25+ years! So it’s defiantly possible to work out!

I would pay attention though to people saying things that know you well. I’ve been with my Fiance for two years we have one child and I have one from a previous relationship(that like yours the real dad isn’t around). And everyone has been beyond happy for us not one person has sad anything negative. I would be uncomfortable if people were saying we should wait. Since your family/friends know you best I would take everything they are saying into consideration.

Post # 9
4049 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

We met online in 2010 and became friends. Things didn’t become incredibly serious between us until late 2011. We’re getting married in January 2014. For my age (21 at the time we marry), that is quick. If we didn’t have immigration to deal with, we’d probably wait another year or two. But no way are we going to deal with the long distance more than we have to!

Post # 10
7455 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

Darling Husband and I married 10 months after we met, we were engaged at 6 months. We just knew it was right! Now were having a baby together 🙂 He’s 29, I’m 27.

Post # 11
9490 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

We moved in together after 3.5 months and we were engaged by about 10 months.  But we’re getting married at the 2-year mark.

But we met at 27 (almost 28 for him) and we will both be 29 when we get married.  No one said anything negatively to us…but I imagine that is because we’re older. 

I think that’s very quick for 21 and I would recommend a 2014 date as well.  At 21 you have more reasons to wait than to rush IMO.

I don’t think there is any way to “deal” with your friends and family.  People have their opinions and you won’t change them.  As an adult you should be able to stand up for your choices.  You can say “thanks for your opinion but we are doing what we feel is best for us.”

Post # 12
4313 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

If it was just you and your life, I would tell you to go for it.  But you have a child that needs to come first, and in my opinion this is very premature for both of you.

If you know you’re in it for the long haul, there’s not really a reason to rush and make sure this is legit for your kids’ sake.

Post # 13
845 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

My brother who is 25 and in my own opinion, quite immature, is marrying a girl he will have known for exactly a year in August.  I think it’s INCREDIBLY too soon, especially since she has a child, but honestly, it’s none of my business.  She seems super sweet and he is needy in a way that I think a family will fill him up.  Hopefully it works out beautifully!  For them and you!

Post # 14
5965 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

I married Mr. 99 nine months after I met him…I was 26, he was 34….we were both pretty independant people before we met and eventhough our dating/engagement was very brief, we never heard a single bad thing about the length of time we had been together before making a lifelong commitment….I understand that no one likes to hear those things, but just think how hard it is for the person saying it….they must have a good reason so as unpleasant as it is and as difficult to do…take their words under serious advisement, they only say it because they care.

Post # 15
578 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

My Darling Husband and I got engaged after a year and married a few months after that. It was lightning-fast compared to everyone we know, and I know people thought it was too soon. Because of that, I feel like there is more pressure on our marriage to succeed, because we have to prove to them the strength of our love and commitment. I don’t really mind that, because I think it’s natural to be skeptical of a short relationship. There’s nothing you can really say to make people think differently, and if you get defensive, it will just make it worse. Just ignore the comments and have the satisfaction of knowing that you’ll prove them wrong by having a long and happy marriage.

Post # 16
52 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Love is different for different people.  My Pastor got married to his wife after knowing each other for only 9 days!  They’ve been married now for over 30 years.  Another example: my friend got married to her husband after knowing him for only 9 months. Next year, they’ll be celebrating their 10 year anniversary. I think you’ll be fine.

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