(Closed) anyone had guests that did not show up in the wedding?

posted 11 years ago in Married Life
Post # 32
Member
7052 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

ha!  I’d love to have somebody ring me on my wedding day.  They’d hear my voicemail.  That’s it.  Unless they are there or are my grandparents (and I’m still praying they can come.)

Post # 33
Member
1963 posts
Buzzing bee

But they can call a friend or a planner or someone!  If you left a VM, at least I know that you tried and I wouldnt have to despise you for the rest of my life. (though I probably still will Muahahahaha)

Post # 34
Member
404 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I think that if someone calls right before the wedding saying they’re not coming, that is one more thing to bother you and stress you out while you’re getting ready.  I think it’s good to call AFTERWARD, like, after the couple get back from their honeymoon to apologize.  But ya….I would rather just go ‘oh Jack and Jill aren’t here’ than to be dwelling on them not coming before I even get married.  Just my .02

Post # 35
Member
404 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

the only exception to that would be someone really important.  Like bridesmaids, parents, grandparents, favorite friends/relatives…..or the Groom!!! 

I guess it’s different for different weddings.  So for me, since there are so many people invited that I am not super close with, I wouldn’t want them calling.  But if it’s a small wedding with only very important people….then yes a call would be appreciated. 

Post # 36
Member
792 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

We had four or five no shows… what was really bad though was the call I got from my sister twenty minutes before ceremony. She left a message on my voicemail telling me that she and my bil “felt crappy” and weren’t coming. No explanation, no sorry, no nothing. We live in the same town, it would have been a twenty minute drive for them. Granted we haven’t been getting along in recent months, but this was their chance to finally pull their heads out of their asses and act like adults… whoa, little vent there. I’m still really pissed about it.

Post # 37
Member
3098 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

This thread is scaring me…..

Post # 38
Member
56 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

We lost four guests out of roughly 145. One got pink eye, one husband/wife pair (that included one of our ushers! So sad!) had their flight cancelled because of bad weather and couldn’t get re-booked on a timely flight, and the last was the fiance of a friend…who had broken up with him a week earlier. Oy. I bounced up to my friend as we were dismissing the rows and asked brightly, “Where’s So-and-So?” She hurriedly explained that she had ended the engagement on the previous Sunday and wanted to tell me, but didn’t want to stress me out so close to the wedding. I had a million questions but didn’t have time for serious girl talk – I had to dismiss the rest of the rows! It was awkward for everyone.

Post # 39
Member
91 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2020

At least they called you!  We had 3 guests (2 of which were family) not show up and NEVER, to this day, explained why they didn’t make it.

Post # 40
Member
252 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2009 - Eastside Catholic Chapel and Lake Union Cafe

Yes, we had 10 people not show.  It sucked. 

Post # 41
Member
29 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2009

We also had 10 people not show.  Our wedding was relatively small and so it was definitely noticeable that there were so many empty chairs.  Their loss!

Post # 42
Member
374 posts
Helper bee

Airlines go by a 10% no show rule, so they overbook.  Once in a while they get caught; but, generally, it is a rule of thumb which does work.  Use the same for your wedding.  Assume 10% who said YES will not come for some reason or another that day.  Ask your caterer how many people they will serve over the amount of people you reserve.  Some say 10%, some 15%.  To protect yourself from over charges, deduct 10-15% from your reservation list and turn in that #.  At the wedding have someone in charge of a head count during the service.  Have that person call the caterer immediately and give them the heads up how many people are at the service which is the last and final count —  they can then set up the right # of tables  — and give them the official and final count. 

It is rude when people don’t RSVP; when they say YES and don’t come.

I think the key is this.  DO NOT invite casual acquaintances; people from work; the people in your building you meet at the dumpster, people you do not know well and with whom you do not socialize or interact with on a very personal level.  This cuts down on the nay sayers who drop out the last minute.  People who love you and are apart of your life want to be at your wedding.  Justify your skimpy invitation list by saying:  “We’re having a small wedding and we are limited with our invitations.  We’ve had to cut back in this economy.  If it were otherwise, we would have loved to invite you.”  Or “We are limited to the number of people we can invite, and I’m not inviting my first cousins.  It would their feelings if I included friends and didn’t invite my relatives.  I’m sure you understand.  If it were otherwise, I would have wanted to invite you!”  And, if these poeple aren’t close, you don’t need to advertise your personal life.  Do your coworkers really need to know the private details of your life?  OK so one day you show up w/a rock on your hand, so now they see what’s going on.  That’s the time to say, “Yes, isn’t it wonderful!  It happened yesterday. We stayed up all night making plans, and we’ve decided to keep it very small because we want to buy a house.” 

So my point is you don’t have to invite every one you know.  That will cut down considerably on the # of people who drop out the last minute without regards to your feelings.  Keep your invitation list conservative, inviting only the people you know who would attend.  Best of Luck.

 

Post # 43
Member
604 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

We had 3 no shows, and 2 people who left after the ceremony due to the drive time home….so essentially one table.  It annoyed me because we had to add an extra table of 6 at the last minute and really we didn’t need it after all.  So that was an extra centerpiece, etc.  Oh well….

Post # 44
Member
458 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

We only had 4 people not attend, and two of them called my fiance before the ceremony to let him know that they were sick and couldn’t make it.  The other two, USED to be friends of ours.  We got married 3 weeks ago and still have not heard anything from them.  We are guests at the same wedding in two weeks, so I guess we’ll see if they come…

Post # 45
Member
2680 posts
Sugar bee

It does happen all the time . We had 2 people cancel a couple days before because her husband and one person cancel the day of (her brother passed so obviously we understood)  I did have 4 people also no show at the wedding that rsvpd but that was great considering we had 220 people!

Post # 46
Member
699 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

We had 1(!!!) no-show and it was my college friends “date” (who EMAILED her the day before they were going to drive to the wedding). We had a destination wedding so we kinda expected everyone who said they would be there to show up.

I wish everyone was as considerate and well versed in etiquette as the girls who read WeddingBee!

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