(Closed) Anyone had to deal with negative comments about pregnancy/motherhood?

posted 8 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 17
Member
1301 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@totheislnds: just bought a tear to my eye… (Admittedly not hard these day but still 😉 

Post # 18
Member
10362 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Studies have shown substantial decreases in both personal and marital happiness after having kids. I don’t think putting the old blinders on and ignoring the negativity will necessarily serve you the best in the long run.

Post # 19
Member
9129 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

I find it rude when people make comments like that when you’re already pregnant, especially if it was something planned and TTC took some time so it’s obvious you had time to think about it.  If kids were really as bad as everyone says they are then nobody would ever have any and we wouldn’t exist, so it must not be that terrible.  Yes, things are going to change, that is life.

My response would be a sarcastic rendering of the following: “Dang!  I wish I had known that before I got pregnant.  It would have totally changed my mind about having a child.”

 

Post # 20
Member
6888 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Just wait until that baby comes into the world, then wait for the comments. From Boyfriend or Best Friend to formula feeding to disaposable diapers to cloth.  The list goes on. It gets so annoying.  You just have to pretty much ignore all the nay sayers.

Post # 21
Member
230 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@loveknows:  I had a similar issue before I was getting married.  All of my co-workers are divorced except a few and I got all the typical comments about men being a-holes and marriage being a bad idea etc etc and I just said plain and simple “I’m sorry that it didn’t work out for you, but you understand why I wouldn’t want to go through life with that attitude right?  This is my life and I’m allowed to be excited about it no matter what other people have gone through so I would appreciate it if you left your negative opinions to yourself.”

I guess what I’m trying to say is, they’ve all had their chance and now it’s yours.  Only you can decide if you can handle this or not and don’t be afraid to let people know that you don’t appreciate the negativity.  It’s not rude considering they’re the ones who are approaching you in the first place

Post # 22
Member
1577 posts
Bumble bee

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@SimplyChic11:  Haha mommyjacking, such a great word for it! 🙂

Post # 23
Member
1577 posts
Bumble bee

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@totheislnds:  I’ve gotten some REALLY sweet comments too 🙂 
“it’s hard work, but it is the greatest joy in the world” “you will fall in love with your husband all over again once you see him holding your baby” and things like that which make me go “awwww :’)” 

Post # 24
Member
7770 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I haven’t revealed my pregnancy yet to many people (10 weeks today!) but everyone I have told (my pharmicist, the nurses, the lady that drew my blood) has been nothing but super positive.  I definitely think people should strongly think over the decision to have children, because it really is not always going to be a walk in the park- but it seems pretty rude people are making comments after you have obviously decided!

Post # 25
Member
1486 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

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@totheislnds:  Aww, that made me all teary!  (Like PP said, not hard to do, but it was still sweet.)

Mine was from my Mom.  I called her to tell her I was pregnant with my 2nd, and she said “Oh please God, NO.”  I will never forget that.  DH and I are good parents.  Our kid is happy, healthy, and we love being parents.  (Even though, sure, sometimes it’s really hard.)  So it was completely hurtful.

My positive came from a worker at Pottery Barn.  She asked how close the kids would be, when I told her 11 months, she said that her boys were that close.  I asked if they were friends, and she said “Oh, God no.  But when they do get along, it’s like my whole world is twice as bright, and ten times as wonderful.  You are just so lucky.”

I can’t wait!

Post # 26
Member
466 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

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@crayfish:  And other studies have found that people with kids are much happier. 

Post # 27
Member
1629 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I have one friend who is so staunchly CBC that she posts a tirade or an article about it every other day on FB. How having children means that you are not professional, that it is degrading to women to have children, that they are not doing it bc they want to but bc they are brainwashed into thinking it is what they want, that a mother’s quality of life is much lower than a married woman with no children etc etc. Yeah… when I am pregnant she is not being told.

Post # 28
Member
4322 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

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@crayfish:  It’s not a matter of anyone putting on any “blinders” as you say. Do you really think people want to be told over and over and over again how much parenthood sucks? I’m sure these ladies know those life satisfaction studies exist, we don’t live in a vacuum afterall. What they are saying is they don’t appreciate unsolicited assholes telling them at any chance they get how much it totally blows, just because they can.

That’s like a microbiologist telling a student about to graduate into the same field how much “germs” suck, and how they make people sick, and there’s no use in studying them, because scientists already know ebola kills. Well damn. Way to rain on a parade.

Post # 29
Member
1524 posts
Bumble bee

The people who are say marriage and kids are horrible are the ones who are doing it wrong (or are very unlucky). I mean sometimes the best parents end up with hellion children, but nuture plays a huge role in children. Being a mom to my stepdaughter is the most rewarding thing I’ve ever done (and I’ve only been in her life 6 months). if I could go back and be the one to carry her and give birth to her and raise her, I would do so without hesitation. The only negative with her is that I couldn’t be there for the first four years of her life and I desperately wish I could have been to share in all those moments.

She is my entire world, and I’m not her biological mom, but she has brought me more happiness and uncondtional love than I have ever experienced. 

There are a lot of people who don’t know what they’re doing with their marriage or children and get married and have children for the wrong reasons, and then they end up miserable because they were unprepared. Some people step up and make the best of it and have amazing experiences, but some people end up resenting their children and spouse and then raining on everyone else’s parade. 

Post # 30
Member
1524 posts
Bumble bee

I also can’t wait to give her a sibling, even though my entire family has told me to wait over and over again and my dad usually goes on about how hard it is. (Mind you, he’s far from winning any parent or husband of the year awards….I’ve seen him 2-3 times a year since I was 7 and he lives in the same state as us and he’s on his 3rd marriage). 

Post # 31
Member
3175 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

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@glittermoon:  I’m sorry, just to clarify, you don’t have any biological children, but you’re harping on nurture (when the only child you’re around was shaped before you came around)? Just wondering.

Personally, I find your opinion equally as offputting as the opinions of others when I was pregnant or about to be married (And that’s quite a feat, since someone literally told me “Oh, you’re getting married? Well, I don’t believe in the institution of marriage, but, congratulations, I guess”). Someone who has a bad day & chooses to put her foot in her mouth is “doing it wrong”? Okay…duly noted.

Yeah, if you’re ready, you should ignore others giving you crap, but I’m also going to ignore your opinion of my occasional bad attitude when I’m at the end of my rope.

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