(Closed) Anyone had to deal with negative comments about pregnancy/motherhood?

posted 7 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 32
Member
192 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@SimplyChic11:  We got the “live it up while you can” quite often as well. Maybe it’s just our friends, but the people I run across seem to assume that once you have kids you can’t have any sort of life at all.

Darling Husband and I did take two years, but we hadn’t dated for a ton of time before we got married so we wanted a strong foundation in our relationship. As for the “having a life” thing, well, we plan to incorporate our children into our adventures. Why not take that trip to Spain, kids are portable! It will be a different kind of trip than when we went alone, but I think it will be enriching in ways not possible when it was just the two of us.

I can’t wait to have adventures with our kids!!! Besides, when the time comes for us to have a Mommy and Daddy tirp alone, it means the kids get to go run around in the forest at Grandma and Grandpa’s house ๐Ÿ™‚

Don’t let the negativity get to you, people seem to feel it’s a bonding ritual to commiserate over the perceived negatives of life changes…moving, kids, marriage, remodeling, etc. rather than celebrate the positives of those situations. Like how posting a negative comment on FB will normally get more attention than a positive one :/

Post # 33
Member
1524 posts
Bumble bee

@les105:  I have no idea what you’re getting upset at me about. Do you go around warning others not to have children because it’s going to be a huge mistake? Of course there are going to be difficult moments in parenting. My daughter has attitude at me pretty much everyday, but that doesn’t mean I regeret being in her life. It is hard. Really hard, sometimes. I don’t think it’s okay to make negative comments to someone, especially a stranger or coworker, about how getting married or having children is a bad idea. I think it’s incredibly rude. Even if you know someone, I don’t think making negative comments about their life choices is productive. I think it’s okay to be concerned if you’re close to them and maybe talk to them about it in a supportive way, but my parents constantly telling me to not have kids and telling me how hard it is isn’t helpful at all, it’s just hurtful. 

Everyone has bad days and says things they don’t mean, and if you choose to tell someone that getting married and having kids is horrible while you’re having a bad day and then put your foot in your mouth, that is completely different than genuinely believing marriage is always awful and will always end in divorce or believing that children are all the anti-christ. 

You don’t need to have a child to know that how a child is raised plays a huge role in how they behave. My husband has been a single parent since his daughter was born and has raised her himself and has done an amazing job. Our parenting styles are the same, and play a huge role in how our daughter acts. There’s more to it and some kids are really sensitive by nature or very aggressive by nature and my point with that was that some parents end up with children who are psychopaths or in the case of my ex’s parents, a child who is bipolar, and so having a child who threatens to kill you and hurt you to the point where the mom threatens to move out if the son doesn’t (when he was 19) could be an understandably more negative view of having children. They were actually very pro having kids, but told us that if we did, that waiting and traveling was a very good experience for them.

Post # 34
Member
1524 posts
Bumble bee

My impression was that this post was about how annoying and frustrating it is when people make parenting into such a negative ordeal, and so I was trying to talk about the positives. OBVIOUSLY there are negatives. Is wiping a child’s butt fun? No. Is having them cry and yell and throw fits fun? No. But there are so many positive things that outweigh the negatives. 

Being a parent is, in my opinion, the best thing I’ve ever done. If you want to say that I’m not a parent because she’s not my biological child, go ahead, but she calls me mom and sees me as her mom, since her mom abandoned her and hasn’t talked to her since she was 2 (and before that would forget to feed her and bathe her). I’m the one with her all day every day (unless I’m at work for a couple hours a couple times a week or she’s visiting her grandparents). I’m the one taking care of her (feeding her, playing with her, teaching her, putting her to bed), so I would consider myself her mom. 

Post # 35
Member
466 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I haven’t found a great comeback yet. It’s driving me crazy though. My grandmother started in about how I won’t be able to breastfeed and I shouldn’t even bother trying because she couldn’t and my cousin couldn’t. I know there are a lot more resources available now than when my grandmother had kids 60 years ago. And as for my cousin, I don’t think she tried. She never said she wanted to breastfeed, and seemed totally content with formula, which is totally cool, her kid, her choice. But choosing not to breastfeed and not being able to breastfeed are two totally different things. 

I have heard a lot of negativity from a friend with two surprise babies. She’s kind of in the mindset that kids ruin your life, you never have time for your husband, etc. She got pregnant at 19, got married to the dad, who she’d known maybe 6 months, and then had number two less than one year after her first was born. I understand why she might have those feelings, but I take it with a grain of salt. Eh, maybe it’s more like a salt block. ๐Ÿ˜‰

I have another friend who graduated from college, got married, bought a house, then had a baby when the timing was right for her and her husband. She believes her child is the best thing that ever happened to her and she loves her more than life itself. She and her husband are amazing parents! She was very thrilled for us, when I told her we were expecting. She proceeded to tell me how amazing parenthood is, while hard at times, it is incredible. 

So I agree that the “advice”-giver probably has a chip on their shoulder about their own marriage, kids, etc. NOT that I’m sticking up for them. I wish the Debbie downers would stfu and mind their own business. But I do believe having a strong support system and being ready for parenthood makes it a much better experience ๐Ÿ™‚

 

Post # 36
Member
1406 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I don’t know what is wrong with people either.  I think some people don’t view the hard times as “learning times”….while I haven’t been able to conceive in 9 years, I’m not bitter but have definitely learned patience.  I’m also way more positive than most people I know.

I don’t think age has to do with it but rather maturity.  I have a 21 yo coworker that when she was 38 weeks pregnant had all the “grandmas” at work telling her how horrible it was to be a mom…..how you never sleep, you constantly worry, etc.  She was so positive and kept saying “I don’t care, I’m just excited to have a baby!”  They kept saying “you listen to me….I’ve been a mom for over 35 years and it’s NOT a bed of roses….you should also listen to our advice since we’ve been there and you have NOT.”  

Since I’m the manager and walked in on this, I told them to knock it off since it wasn’t work-appropriate conversation and they almost screaming at her.  Since she’s had the baby, I’ve never seen someone so happy to get little sleep, Boyfriend or Best Friend all the time, etc.  She’s young but she definitely has a motherly instinct about her.  

I just don’t have the time or energy for negativity in my life.  It swallows you up and makes you bitter…why would anyone want to go through life like that since (my personal belief) you only get one life.

Post # 37
Member
6996 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

@dreamocracy:  awww –  I fall in love with my husband when I see him with other people’s babies! I can’t even imagine the overwhelming feelings I’ll have  when I see him with ours.

@Quietserenity:  My brother and I are 10.5 months apart – We were really close when we were little, went our seperate ways in highschool and now we are really close again. I love being an Irish twin ๐Ÿ™‚

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