(Closed) Anyone haunted by ghosts of wedding past (comparison to siblings wedding)?

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
303 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

You are not alone in this boat!!

Fiance and I live in a small town so our choices are limited. Future Sister-In-Law got married 5 years ago (we didn’t know each other then, so I obviously didn’t attend). We will have the same church, reception site, florist, and rental company by default. She’s the girly, pink-lovin’, big flowers, big hair type. Nothing wrong with that, and I love her dearly, we’re very close! I, on the other hand, am an academic, naturalist, minimal-makeup, no-pink-thankyouverymuch type. 

Every time there is a wedding conversation with FI’s side, its starts out "Well at her wedding we did XYZ." Some suggestions are good. Most are not my style, like arches with tulle & fake flowers everywhere (ugh, I wouldn’t even show up!), or like spending a whole afternoon folding napkins to look like tuxedos. If that’s your style, go for it! That doesn’t happen to be my style.

I was planning on having Future Mother-In-Law and Future Sister-In-Law help out quite a bit with planning, but lately I’ve just been doing things by myself, with another Bridesmaid or Best Man, or with Fiance. That way when they say "Well she had flowers that looked like XYZ," I can say, well I already booked mine, here’s what they’ll look like!

My advice is don’t get too bent out of shape about it. I did for the first two months, and i almost went crazy! Plan things with your Fiance, or people who know & respect your taste & desires, and fill the rest of the family in on it later!

Post # 4
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

Even though my sister and I are both currently planning our weddings (Dec and June), my Mom is thankfully being very cool about letting us have our own style. She’s not trying to make us do the same things, but she does make suggestions about decisions we’re making (band vs. DJ) which I actually appreciate.

I would say the best advice is to plan ‘behind the scenes’ with your Fiance and tell everyone what the final verdict is. Explain why you came to that decision if need be, but be firm that it’s over with. For the most part, that’s what I’ve been doing unless I really do need feedback.

Good luck!!

Post # 5
4480 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch

Worse: my mom just got married and wants me to use all of her vendors! And since she’s helping pay for the wedding (just a little, but still helping), it’s REALLY HARD to say no.

Post # 6
404 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I was having this problem with relatives, my grandmother even went so far as to say that I should ask to borrow my cousin’s dress (she recently got married) because it was so pretty.  I have learned to just smile and say ‘we’ll see’ and pretty much plan everything myself.  I don’t know why some people feel like all weddings should duplicate one another, but look at it this way; at least they’re excited about the wedding and are trying to be helpful, regardless of how ‘unwanted’ the ‘help’ might be.

Post # 7
7053 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

Only ghost of Weddings past I have to out do is MY FIRST MARRIAGE/WEDDING to my xh.

I may have married the wrong guy that day, but damn did I do some stuff RIIIIGHT!  Now when i look back at it, i realize I threw one helluva shindig!  Now I gotta do that all over again…but different.

How do you perfect what was perfection? (although styles will be a tad updated since 96).

Post # 8
944 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

My sister got married last summer. It was very pretty and everything went so well together, but there are things with that wedding that won’t work with mine. Our location will not look right with plastic table cloths for one. WE don’t want a DJ but family is saying, "But your sister’s DJ was so great!" Um, yeah, not really. It’s getting better. I am using the same officiate and most likely the photographer though….officiate I know very well and introduced my Sis to him as an option for their ceremony and the photographer is a great price for this area and does good work. Other than that, everything else will be different! 

GOOD LUCK and STICK TO YOUR GUNS!  With a smile of course 😉

Post # 9
1276 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

totally know where you’re coming from.  My parents are paying for most of the wedding as they did for my sister 9 years ago.  For reasons I don’t really understand, my dad still feels like things should cost what they did 9 years ago…So while I’ve often been able to negotiate good deals, he’s still like, that’s more than we paid for you sister’s <whatever>.  In some cases we’ve offered to pick up the difference, which he generally refuses, but it has been frustrating at times.  there have been many times when I wished we decided to have the wedding we paid for entirely close to where we live…but I think in the end my parents will feel like they’ve gotten this right of passage for them.  And I know that it’s also helped bring us closer…

I bet your family doesn’t even realize they’re doing this.  They are probably just using that wedding as a point of reference (asusming there haven’t been many other family weddings).  Sounds like reminding them that you are paying is helping a lot.  good luck!

Post # 10
1896 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009 - St. Thomas of Villanova Church & the F.U.E.L. House

Yes, all the time by the mister’s mother relative to his brother’s wedding…which JUST happened on June 20.  It definitely makes things frustrating, because their wedding was the polar opposite of ours — in terms of formality, spending priorities, etc.  Lots of hurt feelings have ensued along the way, unfortunately.

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