(Closed) Picking fights — how to stop???

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
1540 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Whenever you feel like picking a fight, come one here and vent! I tend to pick fights every once and awhile as well. I know we’re in a tough situation, but he’s right. We all need to shut it up for a bit!

Post # 4
5886 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

 Why are you picking fights? Some possibilities–

Feel out of control with your life, so fighting makes you feel in control of something.

Pissed at SO because he is making you wait, so you are punishing him or making him feel how pissed you are. 

Think that by pushing you will get what you want.

So you either have to learn that sometimes you are in control of you life and let it go, or take control and propose to SO yourself.

Or you have to comes to terms with your anger and quit venting every where. Stop focusing on all the one thing he isn’t doing and focus on  all the wonderful traits he does have. You homework is to make a list of 3-5 things about your SO that he did or said that was good, every day.

Post # 5
286 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@lepetitebee:  If the fight you are starting is really about a insecurity in your life – such as a general pressure to get married from friends, family, society, or a general anxiety about being single — then don’t make it a fight. Count to ten. Go to the bathroom and breathe deep breaths or brush your teeth or reapply lipstick. Anything to stop instigating a fight your Fiance has no responsibility in. And then don’t do it. Every time you don’t nit pick or make a snide comment it will become easier to not give in to that impulse. 

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