Post # 46
Darling Husband used to work a long way away from home so it would take him 90-120 minutes each way. He did that for three years. It was manageable but it really did take its toll. He was so exhausted he would barely be able to speak to me of an evening. Mind you, his work is very taxing so that didn’t help. If this is your dream then you should go for it!
Post # 47
c3lloninja : I just wanted to weigh on in on the fact that I don’t see any red flags with your boyfriend not wanting to move entirely out of his City and to give up his job so that you can start a new Endeavor. It sounds like he’s willing to compromise and that you have a good guy!
I’ve previously had a 90-minute commute and it wasn’t too bad though it did get a little trying after a while. Especially in the evenings, when you arrive home an hour and a half after you would normally be
Post # 48
Personally, I hate commuting. I did it in a big way for around 4 years at uni – lived at home, commuted an hour and a half-ish to the city, a day of uni, an evening of work, then another hour and a half back home. It meant leaving the house at 7am and getting home at midnight five days a week. I managed it, but I hated it. I’d say the thing that kept me going was being able to sleep on the public transport bit, and also that it wasn’t forever. It was around 30 weeks of the year, plus for a 4 year course, so there were some breaks.
For the last 2.5 years, I’ve commuted 6 miles as the crow flies – not far, but it regularly took an hour each way in stop-start traffic. I’ve accepted a new job that halves the commute, but also means I can commute with my fi and share the driving, and this was a big factor in why I accepted.
Definitely look into when your classes are – commuting in rush hour makes a difference, frequency of travel, and the timetable gaps. Will you be expected to turn up on Monday for an hour at 9am then an hour at 4pm with nothing in the middle? Can you get public transport on days you just don’t feel like driving? There’s so many factors that can make a difference. Good luck!
Post # 49
Depending on what time of day I leave, my commute is anywhere from 50 minutes to 90 minutes each way. (I tend to go in quite early and then leave before rush hour picks up, to keep it on the shorter size.)
However, I’m able to take transit (the train and then a shuttle my company provides from the train station to the office, or else a corporate bus with wifi), so I don’t have to drive. I can use the time to work, relax, read, or watch Netflix. That makes it a lot more bearable.
Post # 50
Is there a commuter train service/transit that you could avail yourself of? I commuted 90 minutes each way for all of my undergraduate and graduate degrees, and I enjoyed having the time to do assignments and read on the train.
I currently live midtown in a major city, so to get to my various jobs by transit it takes about 40 minutes or so. I just load up on podcasts/good music and hope there aren’t delays!
Post # 51
I’ve had an hour commute each way for close to the last 2 years. The key for me is that there is usually no traffic. My old commute was only about 30-40 mins, but there was always traffic and it was much worse. I actually don’t mind it too much, I listen to audiobooks and NPR. So time I may have been sitting on the couch reading or watching the news, is now what I do in the car.
It may be nice to move a little closer, but I wouldn’t do half way. Presumably, your SO will be working longer hours than you are in school and he may still be working there long after you complete your degree, so I think it’s only fair that he be closer to his work than you are to your school. I also totally understand not wanting to do long distance, especially paying for a whole other apartment, just to be 1.5 hours away, seems like a huge waste of money.
Post # 52
I would move a half hour closer to grad school as a comprimise. If youre not going everyday it wont be so bad, maybe you can squish all your classes into a few days. For two years its doable and worth it IMO
Post # 53
- Wedding: St. petersburg, FL
I have a *little* experience with this… 😀
I work in D.C., next to the White House, to give you a better idea of how far down into downtown I really am… and I live only 35 miles from my work. HOWEVER – traffic in my area is so terrible, that my commute generally takes 1.5 – 2 hours each way. So, I am either on the metro and/or in a car for up to 4 hours per day. I usually wake up at 6am, and leave by 7am, to get to work at 9am. I leave at 4:30, and generally get home by 6:30/7pm.
That being said, I live on a farmette in northern Maryland, and am lucky enough to have two horses that are the reason I have such a terrible commute. In the end, it’s worth it for me to have them at home, and my weekends are that much more appreciated. It can definitely be trying, so don’t think you won’t have days that you don’t hate it, but if you think it will give you a good option for your career/work to suck it up for a little while, it’s completely doable.
Post # 54
c3lloninja : Where I live, a commute of 60 minutes or less is considered really good (DC). I commute 60 minutes, and know people who commute 3+ hours. I live about 4 miles from my job, it just take forever to get there! I don’t mind my commute most days (some days, transport is off and it takes twice as long). I usually just get comfortable with a book (I take public transport) or would listen to music/audiobooks if I was driving. I have friends who freak if their 5 minute commute turns into a 10 minute commute though, so it definitely depends on the person.
Living in the middle sounds fair to me (45 minutes each way is a pretty great commute imo!) unless you live in a great city now and the in between areas are rural/suburban and that’s not your thing.
Your response that you don’t want to do an LDR (I don’t personally consider 90 minutes to be an LDR because it can take that amount of time to get between two places in my city but that’s another story) because you’re too needy (your words) is disconcerting in and of itself. Based on that alone, I suggest you move to the new location for grad school and work on becoming more independant. LDRs are hard (I was in one 12 hours away from my now husband when we were dating) but they really help you develop your independance, which it sounds beneficial to you.
Post # 55
I did this for three years. It was rough. An hour to school to finish my associates. The next year, it was an hour and a half to my new school. We moved after that year to be closer to my now ex’s work so it was then more like an hour. After I got my bachelor’s and my relationship ended, I moved to the town I was working and attending school for my masters. The lack of drive was great that year. But the other years were not terrible because I knew I had a fixed date in which I would be done with the commute. I highly recommend stacking classes to minimize the days you have to travel if possible. Like only have class on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday if doable. Having the extra days off from driving helps tremendously.
Post # 56
Grad school over Boyfriend or Best Friend.
Commute and make it work.
Post # 57
I remember your first post about this. My opinion hasn’t changed. I know this is not the input you asked for…………..but I think it’s concerning that you were totally willing to give up your grad school dream because your bf doesn’t want to give up the convenience of living where he lives. You were willing to make a sacrifice, but he wasn’t.
Post # 58
missinthecity : I am a very independent person. I just prefer to live with him instead of by myself or a rommmate and not questioning when we’ll see each other next. Plus it’s not even worth it to live separately since we can’t afford that plus we’d have to buy new stuff since we share a lot of furniture stuff. Don’t tell me I’m not independent when you can’t even spell it. You have no idea about what I can or can’t handle.
tiffanybruiser : Grad school is going to be stressful and I now I won’t be able to handle that if I’m living on my own and not getting to see my boyfriend on a regular basis. That’s just now I am.
Post # 59
c3lloninja : Spelling errors happen. It was just a suggestion based on the limited information you provided. I finished law school in an LDR (12 hours away) from my now husband, and while it was challenging, it was a great learning experience. I stand by my advice based on your updates. You specifically said you wouldn’t be able to handle grad school living on your own. Does that not mean that you don’t think you can handle grad school independently?
Post # 60
I live in a high traffic area and have a long commute. It’s draining and I’m annoyed by the time I get to the office (between the drive and bad drivers).
Could you do it? Sure. But will it be pleasant? Probably not.