Anyone have experience with long commutes?

posted 2 years ago in Career
Post # 61
629 posts
Busy bee

 I would look into the program more and learn about their options. Do they have shorter classes multiple days per week, or do they have longer classes that can be grouped together for full days so you only have to drive out 2-3 days per week? Driving 90 minutes won’t be fun, but it sounds like it’s straight distance, not varying traffic or stressful, busy roads.

I agree with you that this is not a red flag with your boyfriend, based on the information you gave us. Uprooting his whole life and leaving a job to move only 90 minutes away for a temporary thing such as grad school is crazy. If he is willing to move to the suburbs and cut 20 minutes off your commute, that’s helpful and sounds like a good compromise to me.

Post # 62
499 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2017 - Orange County, CA

c3lloninja :  one of my guy friends was in the situation you guys are.  His Girlfriend worked 2hrs away and she commuted for three years that way because he was unwilling to move away from his job.

They finally did move, and now her commute is only 1 hr 15 minutes.  Even though he’s my friend I think he’s ajerk for putting her through this when they could have split the commute and each driven about 45 minutes.  When I told him (I mean, he asked my opinion) I said he was being a dick by not considering her needs and mental health.  He said “eh, she’ll stay with me no matter what so why shouldn’t I be comfortable and not have to drive?”

Post # 63
3884 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

I think you could make it work if this is what you want to do. Two years isn’t that long. I do think a total 3 hour drive would be too much every day though. If you could move to get the commute down to more like an hour it would be better. If this was going to be stop-start traffic jams down a freeway I would say don’t do it, you’ll go nuts, but clear driving through the countryside can be quite relaxing if you have the right attitude! You could find productive things to do on the drive like listen to podcasts or lectures. Are there theoretical units you could do online? Could you schedule all your classes into 2 or 3 days to lessen the driving? 

Post # 64
2800 posts
Sugar bee

Definitely don’t give up on grad school over it. Grad school is a major accomplishment that you’ll have your whole life and I think down the line you would regret not toughing out 2 tricky years in the grand scheme of things. 

That said, commuting can definitely take it’s toll on you. Would you have to do it 5 days a week? And could you move to make it closer to an hour? Stock up on audiobooks and get addicted to some podcasts and it will make a WORLD of difference. My commute can be anywhere from 30mins to 1.5hrs because of traffic and before I got into podcasts I would literally sometimes cry in the car out of frustration and boredom when it was bad haha. 

Post # 65
139 posts
Blushing bee

I’ll be driving about 40-45 mins to my new job, which is right about at my limit.  I doubt I could do much longer than than and still keep my sanity. But, I live near a big city out in the suburbs at the base of a desert mountain with beautiful views, etc.

If I moved closer, I’d have to be in the city more and I figured I can handle the commute for now and see how it goes.  My last job had me commuting a bit farther for way less money and someone I managed that job for a year, too.

I think it depends on the type of person you are and what kind of drive you have.

Post # 66
297 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

I was doing the long commute of 1.5-2hrs one way for two years, in the city. It was disgusting… Traffic, inconsiderate people, bottlenecks, crawling pace and to come home stressed and having wasted 3-4hrs of my life just getting to and from work. My Fiance also had a similar problem with coming home from shifts in peak hour and it would take him longer to get home than to do the shift!

Fiance and I have now moved back to the country. It is a six minute walk to work for me, the centre of town is a five minute walk and I’ve saved a bucket load of money on fuel, insurance and rego.

Post # 67
59 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2019

I live in a city where travelling at least an hour is the norm to school or work. During college I commuted about 90mins each way so I think it’s totally doable. It won’t be fun, there will be crummy days where you’re exhausted but it’s a part of life and being an adult. You do what you have to do to continue school without uprooting your SO. 

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