(Closed) Anyone have guests at their wedding that didnt give a gift?

posted 11 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 62
Member
550 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

We had a few people who didn’t give us gifts or cards.  Our wedding was semi-destination, so really I wasn’t too hurt by it, though we did worry that we had left them at the reception, and went back the next day to see if we missed any! 

I was, however, hurt that we didn’t get even a card from my husband’s parents or two of his sisters.  He thinks I overreacted, because his sisters are in high school and college, so have no money.  I agree that they didn’t have to get us presents (although I always did for the weddings I went to in hs/college), but I think they could have afforded a card.  I was really surprised by his parents too.  Part of the problem also is that my family is very into gifts…my sisters and I spend about $50-100 on each birthday and Christmas, and we still get presents from the Easter Bunny and Halloween Fairy (don’t ask, my mom has a shopping problem!), and my mom and sisters and I are all platinum level rewards members at Hallmark because we send so many cards.  On the other hand, my husband and his sisters never exchange birthday gifts or cards.  So of course my sisters and parents got us wedding gifts (even though my parents paid for the whole wedding), because that is what is done in my family.  I just have had to work on adjusting my expectations regarding his family.  Sorry, that was really long…obviously it is an issue I am still working on!

Post # 63
Member
597 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Our wedding isn’t here yet, but I’m really hoping that doesn’t happen to us cuz we aren’t inviting guests to our Las Vegas ceremony (just inviting them to the reception when we return home). I would never attend a wedding and not give any kind of a gift. I usually at least give a card with money. I think it seems rude, but I agree that you just have to let it go and send them a thank you card to thank them for coming.

 

Post # 64
Member
3230 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

We had a good handful of people who gave no gift and no card. I won’t lie and say I wasn’t disappointed not to at least recieve a card – but WB did help me realize this is actually very common.

Now for the second part, would I ever confront these guests about their lack of gift & card – no, never. Too awkward.

Post # 65
Member
1475 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

We only received gifts from about 1/3 of our guests even after some asked about a registry. At first, I was hurt, but then realized I’d rather have them there than get a present.

Post # 66
Member
198 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

Almost 25% if not more of our guest list didn’t give us a gift. I was a tad upset at first, but I’m just glad they spent the day with us. 🙂

Post # 67
Member
167 posts
Blushing bee

If getting something is so important that you would confront a person afterward, then perhaps you should just charge for admittance?

When a close friend of mine got married, my parents gave her a check.  Several months passed and when my mom noticed the check hadn’t been cashed, she asked me to ask the bride about it.  The check was never found, but when we offered to replace it the bride refused, saying that our attendance was all she wanted.  Classy.

Post # 68
Member
3625 posts
Sugar bee

I really need to say this as it bothers me every time I see a post like this.

I’m guessing I’ve been to in excess of 60 weddings in my life, and until I started reading WB have never heard of nor thought about people who think that gifts are not ‘required’ from the guests. Who made this up or decided it was truly the case? I can’t imagine that everyone I know on the East Coast thinks this is true. I mentioned it in passing at a recent family gathering, and everyone looked at me like I had 2 heads. None of them ever heard of it either. No one can ever imagine attending a wedding withOUT giving a gift.

I was also recently told by a Southern friend that if they attend a bridal shower and give a gift, they then don’t give a wedding gift….it seems to be commonplace with her and all their friends, as she thought everyone else did it that way too. She was shocked we give for BOTH events, and I was surprised she didn’t.

I have yet to see an empty gift table at a wedding or a card box not be full to overflowing, so when did it become the fashion to NOT give a wedding gift? Certainly not with my generation!

 

Post # 69
Member
7038 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Of course we had guests who didn’t give a gift! That’s only natural. Since gifts aren’t mandatory, you should really let it go.

Post # 70
Member
550 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

@ItWasntMe: I had the same conversation with a southern friend!  She insisted you just give a gift at the shower, and the rest of us (all from New England) looked at her like her head had just started spinning around haha.

Post # 71
Member
417 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

@sharttle:  We didn’t receive a card/and or present from a couple of the guests there.  Really surprising to us because they are not the type to come to anything empty handed.  So in the thank you note I thanked them for coming and how it was great to have them there with us.  And DH parents did not get us a gift or even a card.  That was surprising as well.  I am wondering if possibly there were cards that were given and put in the card box and someone helped themselves??  I don’t know!  

Post # 72
Member
592 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

Seriously… It’s your wedding, it’s your big day, you should never expect people to go out and buy you something. They’re coming to celebrate with you, isn’t that enough?
I think it’s rude to turn up without a card (hand made at least? I think they’re nicer anyway), but expecting a gift is ruder than not turning up with one IMO.

Post # 73
Member
431 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Wow.  I am shocked that someone would even have the nerve to question a guest’s decision to give a gift and/or card.  REGARDLESS of whether or not a guest “can afford” a gift (and btw, who gets to decide whether or not they are in a financial position to give a gift?), you should have no right to feel upset about not receiving one. You’re not inviting your guests for the gifts or even cards they’ll supposedly bring; you’re inviting them to share in one of the most special moments of your life.  It doesn’t matter if one of your guests is a millionaire and rolls up in a Jag; you are still in no position to expect a gift from them.

Post # 74
Member
28 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I’m in agreement with the ladies who believe that a wedding guest isn’t there for the sole purpose of providing you a gift.  All of the weddings I attended until last year, I never brought a card or gift to the wedding…I bought a gift for the shower though.  But last year, I was a bridesmaid in a fancy pants wedding and the bride (my friend) was pissed when she found out that I wasn’t bringing a gift, even though I spent $100 on her shower gift and over $1000 to be in her wedding.  She should be getting me a gift darn it!  

She also complained when one of her guests gave her only $25.  

I would not care in the slightest if someone didn’t bring a gift/card to my wedding. Every single person I am inviting is a true and honest friend to me and I would just love for them to be there and give me a hug on my big day!

 

Post # 75
Member
431 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@Eliann: She also complained when one of her guests gave her only $25.

Frankly, if you’re more excited and expectant about wedding gifts than the presence of your guests, you need to get your priorities in f’ing order.

Post # 76
Member
431 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Ugh sorry, it ate the middle of my post…?

@Eliann:She also complained when one of her guests gave her only $25.  Hearing something like this both breaks my heart and makes my blood boil.  Someone like that doesn’t deserve a single thing – especially the company of those were went out of their way to attend her wedding.  What a sick and greedy person.  Imagine if you were the guest who gave $25 – because it was what you could afford and wanted to give – and found out that the bride/groom scoffed at the amount or got upset because it wasn’t “enough”?  Ugh, that would make me feel just disgusting.  I hope you called your friend out!

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