(Closed) Anyone have (or know) a SAHH or SAHD? Plus POLL b/c why not!

posted 5 years ago in The Lounge
  • poll: What would you think if you met a stay at home husband?
    Weird. Just weird. Not cool. No bueno. Nope nope nope. : (8 votes)
    9 %
    Weird if you don't have kids, not weird if he's home with kids. : (24 votes)
    28 %
    Not for us but you do you. : (13 votes)
    15 %
    House husband?!Where do I get me one of those? : (23 votes)
    26 %
    Obligatory other to be explained below. : (2 votes)
    2 %
    I don't care what you do, I want a cupcake. : (17 votes)
    20 %
  • Post # 16
    Member
    355 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2015 - The Fairmont, SF

    Can I play? I have a SAHFI and I love it. Granted, he does work and actually makes close to 20x more each year than I do as he owns a series of businesses in and around London. The nice thing is that he can manage nearly all of them from a distance so he stays at home because he prefers doing his work from the couch vs. sitting in his proper office. Truth be told, I’m a bit of a slob and I despise cleaning so it’s a huge help that he can tidy while I’m at work. I cook dinner but I’d be super annoyed if I had to cook and clean when I got home and I’m sure that if he worked 9-5, he’d feel the same way. It really works for us – I love, love, love having him at home when I get back and when we have kids, I won’t have to feel bad about continuing to work or having to put the kids in daycare. It’s a win-win for us.

    Post # 17
    Member
    334 posts
    Helper bee

    I’ve only ever known two stay at home dads – unfortunately they were both widowers and lost their wives to cancer. (and only a year apart) . At the time of their wives passing, all the children were under 5.

    Once the children went back to school, they went back to work. They have also both remarried. 

    Post # 18
    Member
    997 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    I think a SAHH would be great. My Darling Husband is a great cook so I would love getting dinner every night. We plan on having my Darling Husband be a Stay-At-Home Dad when we have children. He makes less than I will (I’m in grad school now) and his career has a much more difficult schedule to fit around family life.

    Post # 19
    Member
    7977 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

    soontobeMrsBoo:  I think, if he’s like the SAHDs I know, your problem is going to be that he may feel socially isolated. The Stay-At-Home Dad I knew who I was closest to LOVED it for the first few months. He spent his time hanging out with the yummy mummies and going to baby classes, where all the women cooed over him and said that he was so forward thinking, and they wished they had a SAHH, etc etc.

    However, he eventually said he found it depressing. He wasn’t interested in discussing breast pumps and post-maternity weight loss etc etc, he got bored of discussing nothing but his son, and he missed male company. He missed the opportunities to socialise which his work had given him, and he found that he wasn’t keeping up with his friends in the same way, especially seeing as he had to arrange childcare in order to see them. He also felt guilty arranging childcare because he felt it should be “his job” to watch the baby.

    He said he was really relieved to return to work 1-2 days a week, because it gave him some life away from home. He’s really happy now though!

    Post # 20
    Member
    4505 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    A SAHH is no weirder than a Stay-At-Home Wife to me. I don’t judge or care what people do — you gotta do what works. 

    My husband is a Stay-At-Home Dad, which again, I don’t see as any weirder than being a Stay-At-Home Mom. It’s what works for us. 

    We’ve met other SAHDs in our community. No one seems to think it’s weird. It’s just…2 people doing the best they can to make their family work. 

    And if someone does judge, who cares?

    Post # 21
    Member
    5219 posts
    Bee Keeper

    My dad was a Stay-At-Home Dad due to a disability, so not exactly your scenario. However; it worked for our family, my mom had/has a great, well paying job so it wasn’t as much of a sacrifice as it probably would have been without that. Interestingly enough, because of my family situation, my parents always encouraged my sister and I to go to college and work, because you never know when you will become the breadwinner due to an illness/injury/loss of job. For that reason, I would encourage him to take a part-time position, free-lance, consulting or something to keep his skill set up. Nothing in life is guaranteed, so that is why I personally don’t ever want to be in a situation where I have been entirely out of the workforce for an extended amount of time.

    Post # 22
    Member
    6448 posts
    Bee Keeper

    soontobeMrsBoo:  I make more money than my husband and we’re fortunate enough that our daughter gets to spend time with both myself and my husband.  She clearly sees her daddy more because I work a set shift (8-4:30) and by the time I get home it’s closer to 5:15pm and she goes down for a nap around 5:30pm and gets up for 8pm and then bed time at 10-11pm, so she clearly sees more of her daddy than me.  But it works for us.  I love the fact that she gets a good amount of one on one time with us, but also gets time with both of us as a family as well.

    This can work out really well as long as both parties are okay with it.  If one person isn’t happy or isn’t comfortable with it, it can work out to be a sticky situation.

    Post # 23
    Member
    4514 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    The whole concept of a Stay-At-Home Wife or SAHH is a little odd to me, but it doesn’t bother me if other people do that…I think it’s odd to me because Darling Husband and I both need to work if we want to live comfortably and save at the same time.

    SAHDs and SAHMs make sense to me, though, especially with the crazy costs of childcare.

    Honestly, though, even CBC, if your husband wants to keep the house running, and you can live comfortably on one salary, I see no issue with it! 

    Post # 24
    Member
    176 posts
    Blushing bee

    I agree with other posters that a Stay-At-Home Wife or SAHH is kinda weird.  In my opinion, taking care of a home is not really a full-time or fulfilling pursuit; I don’t understand what people who “stay at home” do all day.  That said, people should do whatever the hell they want – who cares what I think.

    SAH parents makes perfect sense to me, whether male or female.  In fact, I would never want to be a Stay-At-Home Mom, and if Fiance and I had children he very well might stay home for a while.  I don’t think that’s really out of the ordinary now, and I doubt anyone would give it a second thought.

    Post # 25
    Member
    1556 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    soontobeMrsBoo:  One of my good friends was a SAHH for a number of years and now he’s a Stay-At-Home Dad. Honestly, my husband & I are trying to figure out when and how to game our budget so that he can be our partner at home.

    Post # 26
    Member
    2942 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    DH and I have had a talk kind of like this. My career affords us more opertunities to move and make more money. His career he is stuck in our current state. If it came down to us moving and we could make enough money with us moving, he would be SAHH/SAHD for a while with maybe a side job just to keep him busy. This would be at least until he can take and pass his certifications where we moved to.

    Post # 27
    Member
    7819 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2010

    I am a Stay-At-Home Mom and it’s great, but if I didn’t have two kids to manage I have no idea what I would do all day long! Having any parent stay home is certainly a great thing for the family if you can swing it. But if I didn’t have kids I would get at least a part time job or work from home at something. 

    Post # 28
    Member
    262 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2014 - Stanley House Inn

    My Darling Husband and I are hoping he can be a Stay-At-Home Dad not long after we have kids. We have some financial goals to reach, first, but we are trying to figure out if this is attainable. I love working, and I would go crazy being at home all day (I tried the house-wife thing, and it drove me nuts and I had some serious depression issues).

     

    Darling Husband is home 3-4 days a week already because of his crazy work schedule, so it woulnd’t be a huge transition – just need to teach him how to cook and I think we’d be golden!

    Post # 29
    Member
    85 posts
    Worker bee

    This is an option we are weighing for when our second child is born in March. The cost of childcare for 2 would be staggering – Our 6 year old has Down Syndrome so we are paying for a nanny with a Masters degree in Special Ed & teaching experience. That still doesn’t allow Joey to get to as much extra therapy as we would like. If we stick with childcare, I would want to keep the baby and Joey together with her. My fiance is also working on a degree, so we’re thinking that would help him step up the pace. Also, he enjoys cooking/cleaning/etc far more than I do. So … when I type this all out, it feels like the way we might go for the first year. Waiting to see the amount of his upcoming raise to make a final decision. 

    Post # 30
    Member
    390 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    14 years ago when I was in my first marriage my ex-H was a Stay-At-Home Dad.  We made this decision because we had 3 small children at the time and daycare would be crazy expensive.  He used the time and went back to school as well.  

     

    I think in this day and age there are so many options that are accepted.  I know it was only 14 years ago however he hated having to admit that I supported us.  He outwardly said it was fine but in the long run i think he felt emasculated. 

    The topic ‘Anyone have (or know) a SAHH or SAHD? Plus POLL b/c why not!’ is closed to new replies.

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