(Closed) Anyone have relatives who expect you to be super appreciative of

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
200 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Whenever I recieve a gift I just act like it is the best thing I have ever recieved.  Then if I dont really like it I donate it as long as the person wont find out.  If I will see the person a lot I will pull the gift out when they come over.  For example, wear the ugly sweater when i go to see grandma, use the hideous serving plate when I have that guest over.  Then after one year of putting on the show I donate the thing. 

I think you can just act extremely excited to recieve it.  You can tell his aunt that you got a gift certificate for a free photo album already, but if she wants to make one there isnt much you can do.  I think dealing with in-laws is a struggle for a lot of people.  The best advice is to just be gracious and kind.  And remember, it could be worse.

Post # 4
Member
171 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

My in-laws always gift me the most horrendous things! My mil just gives me what ever she can find for 1/2 off the clearance price (i know this because she never takes off the tag, even if it has a huge red line with 50% stickered to it) and usually gift’s bil’s gf with a new coach bag, or massages ect…. so I always act thankful and now I just started to gift her with things equal to what she gifts me. Hopefully one day she’ll get the picture, it doesn’t even matter about the cost, just the fact at how blatant it is that she doesn’t care, nothing she has ever gifted to me have I ever been able to be like ohhh I get why she gifted this to me.

Post # 6
Member
630 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

no. thank god. i cant handle shit like that. but yea i would just fake it til u make it lol. act like u love the stuff.

Post # 8
Member
1537 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

When I recieve even the most horrendous gifts I put on the charm like no other with a great big smile! I’d rather fake it than seem ungreatful. At least they are thinking of you. Think of how many people there are that never get anything from their in-laws because they’re in-laws hate them! At least you’re getting gifts, even if they aren’t the best. No one needs to know that you don’t like them. You can always re-gift or donate 🙂

Like mom always said, “it’s the thought that counts!”

Post # 9
Member
171 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@pamplemousse: exactly I love a good deal! But really there is a reason why the neon green skirt with bells and gold fringe is on sale for $2.50! It’s ugly…. not a good deal…. just ugly!

Post # 10
Member
630 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

also- my fiance is a very hands on person in all aspects of life- so he always tells his mom what to get me. if she has an idea of somethign i wont like he tells her straight up that i wont like it. its the most honest and easy approach

Post # 11
Member
1165 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@pamplemousse:  Wow, your in laws sound exactly like my FMIL!  She comes over about once a week to walk the dog while we’re at work, which I am so thankful for (and tell her all the time), but she feels the need to do things around our house while she’s there.  It started with her pulling weeds in our front yard and leaving holes all around our grass.  Fiance asked her not to do things like that and to please leave it alone.  A month or so later I come home and the front strip of grass/dirt by the street is destroyed, our green waste bin is completely full, and there’s mud all over the sidewalk and the walkway leading to our front door.  I was livid, because once again she had decided to “help” with something we specifically asked her not to do.  Then, when she called me after Fiance had a firm talk with her, she told me she was just trying to help because she though we were so busy and she spent 3 hours there and it would be nice if we would show her we are grateful…uh, I’m really not grateful that you did something you were asked not to do, so no, I’m not going to say thank you. 

Ugh, good thing my Fiance is awesome and puts her in her place, because I would not survive our marriage otherwise.

Post # 13
Member
200 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

This thread is making me laugh.  But I am probably guilty of getting people gifts they dont like.  One year when I was 16 I got my grandma these hideous, tie dyed bright pink, furry, chewy slippers.  Needless to say she never wore them 🙁

I dont think there is anything you can do about people gifting you things.  They want to buy you the gift.  Maybe your husband can give them a list of things you actually do want for xmas or your birthday.  I do that for my SO.  I just tell my family things he would like to get that are at a reasonable price. 

Post # 14
Member
2083 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Haha my in laws are a very, very “gifty” sort of family. On my side of the family we either can say specifically what we would like or they will give us money (which right now is what we need the most really). His side of the family will NOT just give money. They always always give gifts, which sometimes annoys me because they know we could really use the money and they know I really don’t need the fifteenth basket of lotions. That’s always the hard part too, because I really am not the same personality type as his family members so when they try to get me just random things they think I will like they often fail. For example, last year his aunt got me this pink and black sparkly jewelry box – it looked like it was for a tween. I just always smile and say thank you though – I still really don’t understand why even when we told his mom we really could just use some money for Christmas this year she refused.

Post # 15
Member
16 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2010

My in-laws seem to do that.  At first I thought it was because they were having money problems but that does not seem to be it actually.  I am a grad student so trust me I don’t have a lot of money but I try not to get people random stuff.  I figure if I can’t do anything else I can always bake something or find something edible.

Anyway, for the moment I have donated a lot of the stuff I completely couldn’t stand.  At the time I tried to appear grateful and like I really liked it.  I hope I pulled this off well but I guess if they come to our house and don’t see the stuff they could figure it out.  I don’t feel too horrible because a lot of it was stuff they had lying around their house and they didn’t like either.  

I feel your pain though it really kind of sucks.  Even sometimes with my family I have this problem with the needing to be forever grateful for stuff I didn’t even ask for.  I am really grateful for stuff I did ask for.  I say thank you, I write thank you notes if it’s appropriate, I use the stuff, I might even mention it in passing next time I see them like “thanks again for the whatchamacallit I used it last week when I was…”  Over time I think my family has learned that I really would rather they give me money or nothing if they have asked me for a list or something and tend to do that now.  Instead of re-enforcing the negative stuff by being overly positive I’m just overly positive about the stuff I do like and just try to be really appreciative when I receive the thing that wasn’t asked for.  As for the scrapbook, I would politely decline – maybe say that was something I was looking forward to doing myself.  (But don’t lie if that’s something you’d never do that probably would be a bad idea.)

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