(Closed) anyone have some advice?

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
1501 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I think just not coming home or staying all night at random is not a good thing.

I do think a night/weekend away with friends/family by yourself if definitely ok and normal. If it is something planned why not. Both people need time away sometimes and as long as neither person is sneeking around I don’t see the problem.

Post # 4
7293 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

I’m glad that you are open to communication and believe in the no need to raise your voice. I can see both sides…one may feel its controling and the other as a respect issue.

What was the nature of the conversation? Did you give up or it fizzled out etc. 

Post # 5
1458 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

I think it is controlling to not “allow” your fiance to go on a fishing trip with his friends.  Sure, if it was a problem where he was staying out until all hours doing who knows what and never letting you know when he’ll be home, that is a problem.  But I think making a rule that he must come home every night is harsh.

Post # 6
2651 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I think he might see it as that you do not trust him.  There will be times in your lives that you will have to spend time ( over night) away from him, (such as bacholor/ette parties, hospital stays, familial strife, childrens feild trips and such)   The fact that he has brought it up to you to ask your opinion on it means that he respects your thoughts, on the matter as well as the fact that he has not gone out with his friends because of your strong feelings.  Can i suggest a compromise?  Let him go out with his friends once or twice everyfew months, because  he is not disrespecting you by going out with his friends.  My fear for you is that since he is looking up “possesive behavior”, he may become embitterd toward you for not allowing him to go play.

Post # 7
576 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

It sounds like you come from different mindsets growing up. In my opinion, I think its perfectly healthy to go out with the guys and have a overnight fishtrips, etc. If they were going to Vegas to see strippers, I’d feel differently. (lol)

Even though your getting married, its really healthy to still keep close connections with our friends. It makes people better spouses, because they those other social connections fulfill different social needs and make a person happier. 

I really encourage you to be open to letting him have some space in your relationship. It’s all about being resonable. For instance, if he stayed out really late and was feeling too tired to drive, would you rather him drive tired or crash at his buddies house? I’m ok that occassionally my husband crashes with a friend. 99% of the time he is home with me, and I feel secure enough for those nights apart. I don’t find it disrespectful.

Post # 9
46403 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

The fact that he is looking up “possessive behavior: should send you all the message you need on this subject.

That plus the fact that you somehow ? found out what he was looking up.


Post # 11
3126 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

To anwer your question, I don’t think it is too much to ask if both parties feel similarly and agree. However, your Fiance doesn’t and neither would I if I was in the situation. Darling Husband doesn’t typically spend the night out but he has traveled to another state to pick up our puppy, go up to our lake property, or spend the night at his parents without me. I have gone on overnight trips with my girlfriends and frequently must travel for work. I am also planning a 5 day drip next summer with a girlfriend.

It is important that you come to an aggreement about appropriate behavior. What specifically bothers you about the idea of you not spending the night together every once in a while? Is there a compromise that you would be comfortable with?

Post # 14
181 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I think there isn’t anything wrong with a guys weekend or a weekend trip away or fishing trip etc. Are you expecting him to never ever take a vacation from you? What if one of his friends has a bachelor party in a different city? Are you going to say he can’t go? What if your friends wanted to do a girls trip? Are you saying you don’t want to go because you think you should go home to him every night?

I think there is a compromise here. While he shouldn’t be staying out all night with his friends every weekend unannounced, he should still have that freedom to plan a weekend with his friends somewhere. As long as he tells you about it and there wasn’t any plans that weekend with the two of you.


Post # 15
3461 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

It would be disrespectful if he just didn’t come home one night (as an ex did to me once) so that you worry all night.  For the life of me, however, I simply cannot see how going on a short trip with his friends where he tells you in advance, works to pick a good weekend with you, and doesn’t engage in inppropriate behavior is disrespectful.  (Particularly pre-kids, but even post it as long as it’s fairly short.)  Everyone needs their own time/space/friends and it seems very controlling to me to try to prevent that from happening. 

The topic ‘anyone have some advice?’ is closed to new replies.

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