(Closed) Anyone have this type of experience?

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
1448 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

My bf and I are about the same ages as you and your bf.

Earlier this year my bf and I first started talking about getting engaged and married.  I was also pretty unhappy with my job, and my bf encouraged me to start looking for another.  I found an internal transfer within my company, but it meant I also had to move halfway across the country.  My bf encouraged me to do this because it would be a great opportunity for my career.

Fast forward to now, I’m pretty miserable in my new location and while I think the job might have potential, I don’t want to be here more than a few years.  My bf would like me to move back but he doesn’t know how long he wants to be in his current job or location, so I think it’s stupid to move back and find another job if I’ll just have to go job hunting a year later.

Recently we had an argument about us getting engaged, so heated I was about ready to say, “You know what, if you so unsure about me then I don’t need to be in this anymore”.  We eventually smoothed it out and he said maybe we could reach some sort of compromise on when we could get engaged (he wanted to wait until we were in the same town again, but there is no timeline on that and I think it’s premature for me to give up on my new job here, even though I’m pretty miserable with the city.  Also I wanted and expected to get engaged while I was out here, which is something he said we would do and then back-pedeled on).

So I think you need to tell him what you want and what you expect, and hold him to his deadline.  If he can’t do that, you need to tell him you will be forced to rethink what you want and need out of your relationship with him.  And then do exactly that!

Post # 4
1714 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

Why not a long engagement? It’s a good middle ground in my view.

Post # 5
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

How much time will his schooling take up?

I am currently working full time as a teacher and doing my masters degree one night per week plus full-time in July.  It’s stressful and a lot of work, but it’s not putting off our wedding.  We’re getting married in August which will be during my summer break halfway through my program.

Post # 6
4136 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

I’m worried about this too.  My SO and I had (kind of) said we’d get engaged next summer but he’s looking for a new job and there’s a possibility of one in another country.  A 14 hour flight away! We wont know until February but what with the possibility of the expense of moving and the stress of us being LDR for a few months I doubt I’ll get my summer proposal and shorter engagement.

I think you should tell him.  Especially since youve been together so long.  Best wishes.

Post # 7
358 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I’m a full time student right now. I don’t work, but I do care for the home and our two children. I still have a while until I graduate and my SO fully intends on getting married before I graduate. There is the 3 months off in the summer. Most colleges don’t go back to school until mid August. I know a girl who got married last year in the fall while going full time and working full time. Before her classes started she e-mailed each proff. to be sure she could get the time off during the school year for the honeymoon. Worked out well for her.

IMO, it would be more difficult for the female to plan the wedding and go to school and work. I know men get involved but not nearly as much as we do.



Post # 8
13012 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I work full time and am in grad school part-time.  I take 2 courses a semester (full-time is 3), and it’s a TON of work.  He should look into what the potential course load is before committing to doing both full-time, because it is exhausting, even if it is doable.  I find myself with a barely existant social life during the academic year.

I picked a fairly long engagement so we could have adequate time to save for and plan the wedding, so I guess it did affect my plans a bit.  I’d rather have a few extra months and good savings rather than pushing it, being overly stressed, and not having the kind of money set aside that we want to be able to have.

Good luck!

Post # 9
115 posts
Blushing bee


I understand where you are coming from! My SO and I have been together 3.5 years and during those years….

  • I went back to graduate school part-time in the evenings while working full-time. This took me 2 full years (wo/summer breaks) – I graduated last Winter
  • He went back to get his Bachelor’s Degree he never got when he was younger. He has done this while working full-time and goes 3 nights a week.
  • We have a historic home that we are remodeling.

MY SO’s in his early 30’s and I’m in my late 20’s. I am hoping that we will be getting engaged before 2013 (pieced together from conversations and goals). That being said, he will still not be done with school at that time, since he can only take 3 classes a semester while working. I don’t think that will be a problem for him, because we want a very small, private wedding – just the two of us. There really won’t be much of an engagement/planning process for us other than a few fun decisions on where to go afterwards, a small family dinner, and what to wear to the courthouse.

IMO, If you want him to be a big part of the planning, and if you anticipate alot of leg-work to get the wedding planned, then I would just be honest and tell him that and see what he is thinking. Since he hasn’t started school yet, he may not have thought about it in detail yet or may not want to discuss it until he has a better idea of the time commitment, etc. It really depends on personality too and study habits. I know when I was in grad school, I studied ALL THE TIME  – including most weekends – It was stressful. On the other hand, my SO only studies a little during the week and manages to get great grades and not stress too much. It really hasn’t been a big stress on us with him going back to school. If anything, it’s been a blessing because he now will have a more stable, passionate career in a few years and feels self-accomplished. I know my SO needed that before we could move forward to getting married and combining our lives. It took alot of patience on my end since he still has a few years to go, but I think in the end, it is worth it!


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