(Closed) anyone have to dismiss a BM?

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
10 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I can SOOO relate with you on this one! I’m sort of having the same problem, except that it is with my Maid/Matron of Honor. It hasn’t been three months for my but its getting there. Its sucks having to be the “mean guy” but I jus had to tell her. In my case, its with the title of Maid/Matron of Honor. She seemed like she didn’t know that being Maid/Matron of Honor, was more than just that title….whic was weird as she has been married and had a crappy Maid/Matron of Honor herself. I understand that life can get crzy busy and whatnot, but  ALL of my BMs have helped me when I needed them without me even asking. I didnt feel that it was fair to them, for my “MOH” to be given all the credit when she hadn’t done anything, so I decided that I wasn’t going to have a Maid/Matron of Honor. She wasn’t very happy about this but, at this point I dont care very much.

For me, finally telling her how I felt made me feel sooo much better. I would try and just be honest but to let her know how you feel and where you coming from, so to speak. Hope it works out for you, which every way you end up going. 🙂

Post # 4
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

So, I’m never the popular opinion, but you have to take a look at this from your BMs’ point of view. They all have lives outside of your wedding, and your wedding will never be as important to anyone else as it is to you. I had 7 bridesmaids and I didn’t expect them to do a thing other than buy the dress and show up to the rehearsal dinner and the wedding.

Do your bridesmaids know your expectations? Does she have to help you with XX amount of the wedding in order to be worthy of being a bridesmaid? Sorry…I just see these posts so often and girls don’t realize that friendships will end when they ask their bridesmaids to step down. It’s just always such a shame to end a friendship over “she didn’t help me stuff my invitations when I asked her…” or other silly things like that.

Post # 5
Member
642 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@2PeasinaPod: Totally agree with you here.  I don’t understand the overabundance of “Should I kick my MOH/BM out of my wedding” posts.  Don’t people know who their friends are beforehand? I never wavered…I chose my sister and three of my best friends since childhood.  They have been there for me through thick and thin.  I don’t need to speak to them everyday for validation of our friendship, nor do I need them to complete wedding tasks to prove it to me. For those who kick BMs out for other reasons like not going to appointments, dress shopping, and DIY projects…there’s no rule stating your BMs have to help you with any of that.  Nice if they can, but certainly not required.

@OhmzWifey: I have to disagree with you here.  The title Maid/Matron of Honor is reserved for the friend of honor.  Maid is just an old fashioned term.  I could be wrong, but I didn’t choose my Maid/Matron of Honor based on the number of tasks I thought she’d complete before the wedding.  I chose her because she’s my sister, my confidante, and my very best friend.  It’s not a title given as “credit” for the most wedding projects completed.  I hired a planner so I wouldn’t have to rely on my friends and family for everything.  Being that my sister/MOH is in Atlanta, the only thing she has done is plan a bachelorette party.  I didn’t expect her to leave her children and fly up to Chicago for a weekend to help me stuff envelopes. 

Maybe this is just an expectation for those brides that have their bridal parties nearby.  I could be way off base with my opinions.  However, I never expected my Maid/Matron of Honor and BMs to assist me.  I am in Chicago, and they are in Atlanta, Los Angeles, Tampa, and NYC.  The only thing I have asked of them thus far was to get measured and order their dresses.  And of course, show up in Chicago the weekend of the wedding.  

I agree with @2PeasinaPod, that all the drama isn’t worth losing a friend.  At least, in my book it isn’t.  My advice to any other brides…choose wisely and really think about who you want to stand up for you.   Bridesmaids aren’t required.

Post # 6
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

@vaness13181: “It’s not a title given as “credit” for the most wedding projects completed.”

EXACTLY. Bridesmaids are not slaves to your wedding. They shouldn’t have to prove to you why you bestowed them with the honor of a MOH or Bridesmaid or Best Man title.

Post # 7
Member
661 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I dismissed my Maid/Matron of Honor.  Not because she is way across the country and wouldn’t be able to help me with the planning, but because she is not at all supportive of Fiance and me getting married. 

Post # 8
Member
862 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I’m in a similar situation.  I’m having a destination wedding and I think 2 girls just got excited and said yes without thinking of the costs that go along with it.  Besides the cost, they haven’t attended one wedding event either myself or my Maid/Matron of Honor invited them to (important ones such as planning the shower and shopping for my wedding dress).  I think I’m going to talk to them this week before they purchase a dress….

Post # 9
Member
10 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Sorry, I should have clarified myself, as I’m not a crzy bride having my bridemaids doing everything for me when I tell them to.I’m quite the the opposite actually, but anywho  my Maid/Matron of Honor, has missed both of my dress fittings where she was going to be shown how to bustle my dress (both of which she didnt have the decency to call and let me know she wouldnt be able to make it), doesn’t answer calls / texts for non-wedding related things, told my family she would plan a bridal shower, and then decide that she has too much to do and didnt tell my family. (My fam was origanlly going to do as they could never get a hold of her.)

I understand that Maid/Matron of Honor is someone who is special and a part of a bride’s life. But in this case, she’s not a part of mine anymore. She is still in our wedding, but like I said, she hasn’t been apart of really anything, and if she decided not to be a bm, then that is her choice.

As for the “credit”, you would have know our situation to fully understand. I myself agree with you, however it was she that mentions all the time about having “name tags” with titles on them, so that everyone knows who the Maid/Matron of Honor is…i still dont understand that.

Post # 10
Member
146 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I’m sorry but this post is nuts. You are going to “dismiss” a close friend becaus she doesn’t want to come to every appointment with you? Man I feel bad for your other friends…I can’t imagine going to EVERY appointment even for my closest friends. I have 4 BMs and 2 MOHs. One of my MOH’s is my little sister who literally isn’t doing anything (because i’m not asking her to) and my Maid/Matron of Honor lives far away and is in law school. And I don’t care!! I chose them because they are my nearest and dearest not because I need to harrass them to do things for me. I feel guilty bringing up stupid wedding related things like asking their opinion on a pair of shoes online because I KNOW no one cares as much as I do and people have LIVES.

And also dismiss? really? this isn’t a dog or an employee. This is your friend that you have been friends with for years for a reason!!!!

You can’t explain without sounding like a biotch because frankly you are acting like one. Sorry for the snark.

Post # 11
Member
329 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I have a ton of disinterested bridesmaids, but as someone mentioned earlier-my wedding is not the most important thing in their life, they have there own stuff going on! I haven’t asked for their help in anything, except picking out their own dress. However, I did have major Maid/Matron of Honor drama that had nothing to do with my wedding, that ended in her leaving my bridal party and no longer being my friend. If your friend’s flakiness is extending to normal things (nights out, calling just to talk), then I would discuss things with her. I tried and tried to reach out to my Maid/Matron of Honor before she finally stepped down, and a few of my friends still blamed me.

Post # 12
Member
94 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I had to dismiss two of my BMs. They kept putting off things like trying on the dresses-which they selected! I asked one of them to help me design the wedding cake and she dismissed me. I haven’t heard from them since. I told myself that I would wait and so, I waited… and waited… Finally, I woke up one day and send them a text message informing them that I was cutting down on the bridal party and asked them to join as wedding guests! Never felt better.

The topic ‘anyone have to dismiss a BM?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors