Post # 1
A little disclaimer….this is NOT my first marriage. It IS my FI’s first marriage. We ARE having a big wedding. This is what HE wanted. Honestly. When I tell people that, they don’t believe me! I wanted to elope and just get it over with, but he comes from a large italian/spanish family and wanted the whole shebang.
I know the etiquette is different when it’s not your first marriage. I’m cool with that, and with not having a shower….we don’t really need anything anyway.
However, I kinda feel badly for my Fiance. It’s his first marriage and he really feels like no one is happy or excited for our upcoming nuptuals. We didn’t have an engagement party. No showers (obviously, although I DID briefly think about suggesting a guys bbq/tool shower or something like that, but then I kinda thought that was lame and too gift grabby for us lol). No bachelor(ette) parties.
I don’t even know if I’m looking for sympathy or a suggestion or what, haha! Can anyone relate?
Post # 3
This is me and my FI’s first marriage, but we’re having a small wedding (40ish guests.) I don’t think anyone will be throwing any showers with me, and I’m OK with that. However, Fiance plans to have a boy’s night- probably just playing video games and alcohol with some buddies. I’m planning a last fling before the ring, or a small girls night out- tentatively we’d go out to dinner and then to a comedy club. Maybe if he had a get-together with some friends, he’d feel better?
Also, what’s his personality like? Is he outgoing, or more shy? This could help determine what he might do.
Have you considered throwing him a “surprise” boys night? Secretly invite friends over and let them hang out, or go out? Ideally, maybe this would be a more laid back evening with friends.
He’s lucky to be marrying such a caring woman as yourself! I do think it’s sweet that you care about his feelings!
Post # 4
Well its both of our first weddings… but we aren’t having an engagement party simply because no one wants to throw us one. We were gonna throw our own until i found out how rude that is. We have been together for a while so us getting married is just sort of expected or like a formality it seems. I am sad about it because its my first wedding and it seems like its just not a big deal just cus i’ve been with him for 3 1/2 years and living together. 3 of my sisters all got engaged after 6 months so it was a big deal for them but for me like it was just a “why is he waiting so long” kind of thing. Oh she’s FINALLY marrying the guy… big deal.
Post # 5
That’s not fair! I am an encore bride and so is my fiance, and our friends are insisting to take us out and celebrate. So instead of a stag n doe or shower, a lot of our friends are inviting us out, buying a drink, inviiting us over for dinner…
You guys should definitely have some sort of celebration! I think it is bad ettiquette on the famiy’s part to NOT throw a stag and doe. first, second, third marriages….these things still happen and this is a time to celebrate. I also know second time brides AND grooms who had the full gamut of pre-wedding parties.
I would suggest you and your Fiance speaking with your wedding party and family on this. You both shouldn’t feel you can’t celebrate the fact that you found each other and are committing a life to one another.
Post # 6
It was our first wedding, but we did not have any “pre-parties” either. However, I do not feel sad about it!
One reason being that at the time we lived in a new city/province and were no longer near any of our friends and family, another being we did not want any showers or bachelor/ette parties (they just are not for us), another being we did not even have a wedding party, and finally we kind of kept most of the engagement and wedding details quiet to do a semi-elopement as we did not want EVERYONE to know beforehand – we were doing a destination weekend wedding and were only inviting about 20 people (16 were able to actually come). Many who were not invited had no idea we were getting married until after the fact. Now that I remember, the girls at work threw me a small little lunch-time shower which was nice and a surprise, but even that was a bit much for me. I just don’t like showers and that kind of thing, and tend to prefer not to go to them and would have skipped out on my own if I could though the gesture was very lovely! My grandmother sent us a cheque for an engagement dinner, which was much more up my alley!
I don’t know, to me not having pre-parties really has nothing to do with how excited people are or are not. Some people just don’t like those kind of things or aren’t going to plan them, or may not know YOU want them. And honestly, all that matters is that you two are excited. If you want, I would definitely call one of your FI’s friends and suggest a guy’s night out “bachelor party” if you think your Fiance would really like that!
Post # 7
I am in a similar situation. My fiancé/husband (we got legally married on Valentines Day) are having our destination wedding inMexicoin 2 months. My situation is I have very small wedding party…only the Maid of Honor & my daughter (16) as my bridesmaid. Now…I understand that normally the wedding party throws the shower; however considering my daughter is unemployed (LOL…I wish she had a job) and so is my Maid of Honor. She has been out of work for a while and is dealing with other issues….My Mom had offered to help to give me one but as the time has dwindled down, I began to feel that it would be too much as they are paying for the reception. I called my Maid of Honor and told her not to worry about giving me a shower. I understand she is out of work and has already paid for the trip toCancun. (Sigh)…but I still kind of feel slighted…A shower could have been given at someone’s house with food and drinks…
Anyway….I have decided not to let it bother me and focus on my wedding that is rapidly approaching. We plan to have an AHR/BBQ too.
It is normal to feel like you should be catered to during your special moment.
Post # 8
Thanks for the responses everyone!
@Pearberry: My Fiance is definitely outgoing, but he is also quite attached to me, lol! He said he doesn’t want to spend an evening without me, and doesn’t enjoy guys nights anymore! Unfortunately, he doesn’t have one particular group of friends – he has random friends here and there, and they don’t get along with one another! 🙁 It makes it really difficult to get everyone together – . Who knew guys were so dramatic?
@Kate0558: I’m sorry you’re getting this treatment! You deserve a party no matter how long you were together first!! We were going to do the same thing, throw our own engagement party, then realized that it was improper, as well.
@fivemonthsnotice: Sadly, our families are really hands off. My family thinks I shouldn’t have any parties, and his family literally doesn’t care to do anything. We don’t have a big group of friends (that are all friends with one another), so we’re just kinda stuck!
@RayKay: I wish it were so simple! FI is REALLY not into bachelor parties and would rather stay at home with me! lol. I tried talking to his best man about it, and he isn’t interested. FI is really sad. 🙁
@Long_Love: You’re right not to let it bother you and to focus on your wedding. For me, I can take it or leave it, but I’m really sad for my Fiance who doesn’t have a whole lot of support. I just wish I could make it better!
Post # 9
No bridal shower for me! Family and Maid/Matron of Honor are across country!