Anyone here a stepmom or soon to be without children of their own?

posted 1 week ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
1217 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

I’m 32 and childless, stepmom to an 11 year old and a 14 year old. It’s been a rollercoaster, to say the least. But I love being a stepmom! I’d be happy provide some positive support for you. 🙂

Post # 3
Member
146 posts
Blushing bee

Im a stepmom but also have bio kids. Just wanted to lend a positive voice… my step daughter is a great kid and Im happy to have her in my life. My husband and I coparent well. 

Stepkids are only an issue if the parents lack boundaries or dont parent effectively. If you havent seen any sign of that in 2 years then I wouldnt worry. Tons of people marry and have stepkids and are perfectly happy 🙂

Also at 17 years old, you have a good 3-7 years before shes basically 100% living her life and just coming around for dinners/holidays. I think this is a low key way to become a parent. Get to know her, if shes open to it – do dinner or girls day once in a while (lunch and a manicure or something). Dont try to force a relationship but just be open to her and take an interest in her life to the degree that she is open to you.

Post # 4
Member
2675 posts
Sugar bee

I am engaged to a man who has two sons, ages 24 & 25 and I have no kids of my own.  

I am very excited to be a stepmother to his sons.  They are amazing and we get along great.  I know that they will never be my children, but I am happy to have a loving and caring relationship with them.  And in the event it happens, it will be amazing to be a stepgrandparent as well.

ETA:  I started dating my fiance when the kids were 19 & 20, so they have been self sufficient the entire time.

Post # 5
Member
6322 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

Bets711 :  I’m a step-parent to a now-12 year old boy (5 when we started dating, and 8 when we married).  I have a super great experience and have always been a very active stepmother.  I also acquired a stepmother as an adult, around the age of 26, so I can speak to that relationship too.  

I think, with a 17 year old, you’re not going to have an easy time fitting into a secondary mother role, but rather just as her stepdad’s partner… but there’s nothing wrong with that!  I think if you show a genuine interest in her life, she’ll appreciate the love and advice you can give her. 

Post # 6
Member
28 posts
Newbee

Me! I have no kids and no wish for them. My step daughter is 21 tho and has her own house and husband and child so I don’t see her much and don’t really have any emotional feelings about it. I like her and we get on great but that’s it! I don’t try and be any kind of mum but we are good friends. I’m sure as yours will Be 17 it will be similar as presumably she will be at uni or getting her own place, living her own life etc

Post # 8
Member
307 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

I am married to a man who has two children from a previous marriage and I have no children of my own. The kids are now 20 and 23 but when we first met his daughter was 17. I have a better relationship with his daughter than I do with his son and I but I think it’s mostly due to the fact that he was away at college when we first started dating and we were still spending every weekend and a few nights a week with her while she finished high school.

I am a very empathetic person and would rather not say anything than confront either of the children when I don’t agree with their actions. They are great kids, though, so those issues don’t come up often. Mostly it’s just me feeling unwanted sometimes while they become accustomed to having me around. I just try to be as open to interaction as they want for me to be and dont push it too much but this is definitely due to my personality. At this point I feel that they are adults and if they do not want to have a close relationship with me then that is something I just have to accept. I would love to be closer with them but I remember being their age and how I was with my mom and step dad so I just don’t take it personally. Their dad was very very involved in their lives growing up, more than most dads I know, and they are still close with him. I think it was hard for them at first and they somehow felt he was choosing me over them, which was obviously not the case. I always tell myself to just give it time and keep my heart open to them because it’s going to be what it’s going to be. You can’t really force that kind of situation! 

Post # 13
Member
6322 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

Bets711 :  I think you’ll do great <3  You’re going into this with such a level head.  Also, from your previous response to a PP – my stepmom is totally a Nana to my daughter! 

Post # 14
Member
2052 posts
Buzzing bee

I’m a stepmom to a younger child, but was childless when Darling Husband and I married and we now have a kid together. 

I won’t say it’s been particularly easy, it’s an extremely challenging role for all parties. You, your stepkid, your husband, your future in laws, your husbands ex, etc. 

The opinions get very strong from outsiders and you’ll spend a good amount of time trying to figure out if what you’re doing is right, wrong, somewhere in the middle, overstepping, not being involved enough and so much more. 

The positive news is, if your Darling Husband is able to effectively manage the relationship with his kid, ex, in laws and really balance the blended family life to set you up for success, it can be really rewarding and work well. Where many stepfamilies fail is that dad oftentimes isn’t able or willing to put boundaries in place with his kids, their mom or his family.

Good luck and welcome to the club!

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