Post # 1
I was talking to my husband the other night and we’re both on the fence about having kids.
On one hand, we say we want kids, but we can’t really give any reasons why except “that’s what people typically do”. I mean, when I see my nephew and my friend’s little girl, I get excited and like playing with them but I give them back at the end of the day and there’s no responsibility.
On the other hand, we say we don’t want kids and can name quite a few reasons why. Some people might say they’re selfish reasons, but I don’t really care if other people have problems with our reasons. Ex: more expendable income, more time to travel, being able to live anywhere (without worrying about good schools), etc. Another reason I’m unsure about kids is because I would 100% want to stay home to raise them until it’s time for Preschool, but I’m not sure we could afford it and I’m worried I would have a hard time getting back into my career.
So after all that, I guess I’m curious if anyone else feels the same way? Did you used to feel that way and finally decide on what to do? Just want to see what other people have to say 🙂
Post # 3
I feel the same way, and DH was ready to start having kids the day we got married. I know we’ll eventually have a couple, but I’m trying to put it off so we can save more and travel more.
Post # 4
@IzzyBear: I have always known that I want to be a mom someday. I don’t know how to explain it, really, other than I just have this strong, unflailing feeling about it. I have always loved kids and really feel like my life would not be complete without having my own children (either biologically or through adoption). So no, I have never felt unsure about it.
It sounds to me like you may be sure that you don’t want kids but aren’t willing to admit it. I know people get a lot of flack if/when they don’t want kids, so I can see how that would be scary to admit to others (and yourself).
It’s great that you and your husband are on the same page! It doesn’t sound like either of you will be terribly disappointed either way.
Post # 5
I am also on the fence. I always thought I would have them because “that’s what you do” but recently have realized that doesn’t have to be the case. I don’t really like babies or most children, and already feel like there aren’t enough hours in the day to do all the stuff I have to do, plus all the awesome stuff I want to do.
My DH is more in favour of kids than I am, but not for another 5-7 years at least. Neither of us have any desire to have children right now.
Post # 6
@IzzyBear: Sometimes I feel undecided. I dont ever think “Oooh I cant wait to have kids!!” — I usually look at babies & say “how cute” & thats it. I never even actually want to babysit them, let alone have one to care for. Im 25 now & FI is 27, so I think we arent ready. FI says he wants 1 or 2 — I think I could do just 1, if any. My plan is to let it be until FI really gets the urge. I just have no desire right now, at all. I love to sleep in, work my two jobs, & do as I please without having to plan my life around a baby. Selfish, yes. But I totally understand your thoughts.
Post # 7
- Wedding: March 2014 - A castle!
We both are on the fence. We talk about a hypothetical future with children sometimes, but then the thought of actually having kids is super scary to us. We like being able to be spontaneous, sleep in, and go out at night. Until we can stop partying and want to settle down I don’t think we’re really going to revisit the issue.
Post # 8
I’m still undecided. If we do have kids, it won’t be for a few years yet, so I’m hoping that my feelings shift one way or the other in the meantime. I know that for me personally, the fact that I don’t have any nieces and nephews and haven’t spent much time with kids as an adult (so, not counting all the babysitting I did as a teenager) doesn’t help my indecision. It’s possible that as more of my close friends start to have kids, I’ll start to get an idea of what I want. Or at least I’m hoping I do!
Post # 9
@IzzyBear: we are also on the fence. There are a lot of logical reasons not to have them, and only one reason to have them that I can think of: love.
Post # 10
Nothing wrong with being unsure. We are still undecided and it will likely stay that way for a while. I have a lot of friends who have always known that they wanted to be a mom, but I have never had that feeling. We both know that we would be good parents and agree on a lot of the usual parenting decisions/styles, but we just don’t feel like we’re at that point where we’re ready to decide. We both want to wait several years and see where our careers and finances take us before making such a big decision.
Post # 11
@IzzyBear: We are on the fence…
Our only concern is when we are older we will regret it because everyone will have all their children & grandchildren etc…
But as far as actually raising them, the money it takes, no sleep, no life, no traveling, never being just him &me again….ummmm we don’t know, lol
Post # 12
@annb9: see when I name out the reasons to have them and not to have them, I think “well it sounds like I don’t want them”. Clear as day. But then I start to think I might regret not having at least one. That’s where it gets confusing :
@FutureDrAtkins: we don’t really “party” anymore but we do enjoy being able to have friends over and have a couple beers/wine and watch football and I don’t think I’d feel comfortable drinking while having to care for an infant. But I do wonder how the hell I’m going to drag my ass out of bed early enough to get myself and a baby/child ready when I barely have time to throw on clothes and some makeup before I run out of the house now. Did I mention that I love sleep? Lol
Also, before we got married my husband was dead set on having at least 1 child one day. Talking about it with him got me all excited for it. Now we’ve started back on the “we’re not exactly sure” thing and now I’m confused again. Haha
Post # 13
I’m undecided. I always thought I’d have kids – loved growing up with my siblings, worked with kids for awhile, but then recently, I started noticing how much times have changed and I’m not sure I want kids in today’s environment.
FI is supportive either way, and we’d either have none, one or twins so there isn’t a lot of pressure from him. I’m not in my 20’s anymore, so our window for trying is going to close pretty soon.
So tl;dr we’re in the same boat and haven’t decided.
Post # 14
- Wedding: March 2014 - A castle!
@IzzyBear: I get what you mean. We’re kind of the same way. We like the idea of it but don’t necessarily want all the work. We’re going to wait until we are sure, because regretting having a kid and then resenting your own child would probably be the worst thing ever!! We decided we’ll revisit the issue in our 30s, after I’m done with school.
Post # 15
I should also mention that our indecisivenss is affecting our home buying opportunities. We set out our search within a very limited area (2 areas within 2 cities to be exact) based on the travel to our jobs and the school ratings. Unfortunately we can’t seem to find the house we want for the price we want because of the school district being so good. If we weren’t to have kids, we could look at quite a few more areas that are still great areas but are zoned for not so great schools. I feel like we need to decide the kid thing sooner rather than later so we can move forward with house hunting. (we want to buy our “forever” home so buying one now and moving before kids get school age is not what we want)
Post # 16
My husband wants kids more than I do. I don’t see how we can have a baby in our house with its mess and lack of organization…all of which is due to my husband acting like he is 23 instead of 33. Like seriously, do you need a drum set and to save all your beer bottles? Um no. So I don’t see how we can physically care for a child. And I feel meh about the whole thing.