(Closed) Anyone in this boat with me? Besides SO of course.

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
481 posts
Helper bee

I’m sort of in the same boat! SO is “dead set” on a wedding date in July (yes, July 2013). We aren’t actually engaged yet because he is designing the engagement ring himself (he’s being very traditional about it all – he wants to design the ring, get it made, show it to my folks, ask their permission, and THEN ask me to marry him)… but we’re already planning and have even bought some things we’ll need for the reception etc.

Since we only have 7 months, ack, I am also “confused” about what to tell people and how much I am allowed to do. I already know who I want to ask to be bridesmaids, and a few other things… and I’m planning on sewing my own dress, which I know is going to take time. 

SO has made it pretty clear that he thinks we should really “get it in gear” and start planning/preparing as if we were engaged. Which makes me feel… well… it makes me feel like I’m ENGAGED. Ha ha! 

I’d rather be in our shoes than those of the 4/5/6+ year waiters, but it’s funny what lack of clarity does to one’s mind. I know it’s coming but I still feel a little off about it.

Good luck! Sounds like your SO is thoughtful and excited about spending the rest of his life with you! :}

Post # 4
1430 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

I’m in the same boat as you. My SO and I went to visit the venue we want to get married at, back in October. It’s in my hometown which is 2,000 miles away, and we were there visiting my family. So my SO said he wanted us to go see it and we did. The whole time he was asking questions and excited about being there. We still aren’t engaged though, because like your SO, mine wants to have the ring and do the whole “on one bended knee” thing. So we are waiting for the ring to be made right now. I’d definitely go to the expo if I were you. If people ask if you have a date, just politely tell them no, and that you are just seeing what your options are. The place we went to was really great and didn’t look down on us because we weren’t technically engaged yet. As long as you two are committed and on the same page, that is all that matters in the end.

Post # 5
309 posts
Helper bee

I am all up in that boat


we are also “engaged to be engaged” and pretty much everyone and their mother knows it (including his) because he tells everyone that the ring is being made!!


we haven’t nailed down concrete plans yet but we have discussed them to death. We are planning on having a short engagement (3-4 months) so I am itching to get stuff done (like my dress that takes so long!!) but I just feel sily without the ring

Post # 6
1106 posts
Bumble bee

I’m in the raft being tugged by the boat – SO and I have a picked date and he is letting me start to sort of plan and I am allowed to ask him his opinion on things and he knows ring options, but he has not bought one yet and has not given a set date yet for proposal besides saying that it will be sometime in Spring or Summer of 2013.  But he is not majorly interested in the planning aspect yet.

Post # 9
8041 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@ScenicRoute:  It doesn’t have to be a big deal. Vendors are out for your money… they don’t care if you’re officially engaged or not. I know that sounds harsh, but if you’re seriously looking at booking vendors, just call yourselves engaged (what’s it to them anyway?) or just don’t bring it up at all.

As far as friends go, I’d play it coy as well… just say it looks like you’ll be engaged soon, if they ask. Don’t mention any wedding plans to anyone, and you will be fine. People won’t ask awkward questions if you don’t fill them in about your “in between” (or whatever you want to call it) status.

Hopefully it’ll only be a few short months before you’re officially engaged. I just think it’s silly to worry about this. Try to enjoy the time… you know it’ll happen soon. You don’t have to book any vendors at this bridal expo or anything… it’s a just looking type thing, which I think is perfectly fine to do if you don’t have a ring on your finger.

Post # 10
1227 posts
Bumble bee

I am “officially” engaged, but for 9 months prior to having a ring on my finger, I considered us engaged–we’d had the conversation, he told me he wanted to marry me, and to be honest, the ring didn’t matter.

You know his intentions and plans, so proceed accordingly. I would rather be in your shoes than the ones of countless girls on this board whose SO has had a ring in their underwear drawer for months. Congrats–what your guy did is very sweet.

Post # 11
1328 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Yep.  Everyone knows that we’re practically engaged, we know the month we’re getting married, and general timeframe he plans to propose (aka when he’ll be able to aford the ring since he’s being all traditional and won’t let me contribute).  Technically my title is still “girlfriend”.  I don’t mind the term usually except with people that don’t know us since it doesn’t imply how serious we are, but I’m learning to get over that.

As far as the vendors go, I kinda doubt it will come up.  They’ll know that you’re there to plan a wedding.  If you have a date set and are paying them you can call youself whatever you want, they’ll go with it.

Post # 12
1090 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

@ScenicRoute:  oh yes welcome to my world lol SO and I have gone to look at venues (I was even able to wear my real ering that day because it came in from being resized the night before, but I gave it back to him afterwards because he wants to wait until vday to propose)and have started working on our guest list and address list plus a list of songs we want our dj to play… but we’re 7 weeks from the proposal lol I say we’re engaged to be engaged lol 

Post # 13
210 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

same boat! my so was going to propose, but something messed up his plan. he is going to wait until the timing works out. but in he meantime, I am going to start finding my dress. it feels a little strange since we arent official, but my timeline is pretty tight


Post # 14
9691 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

I had a similar experience.  We knew we wanted to get married on our date and since things book up a year in advance (or more) I wanted to make sure I got started early because I tend to be picky and wanted all of my options available.  So I booked our venue and photographer all before we finally picked out my ring (which probably took me a few months to decide as well!).  However, I didn’t really go around telling everyone.  Just my parents and some of my really close friends.  I thought it was silly that he wouldn’t let me tell everyone until he gave me a ring because it was obvious we were engaged since we had a date, venue, photographer.  You don’t need a ring!  The time gap from when I was doing research on venues/speaking with vendors to when I got my ring was 2 months.

Post # 15
1222 posts
Bumble bee

I am. My SO bought me a promise ring on my eighteenth birthday and gave it to me, and right after he put it on my finger he blurted, “Will you marry me?” I said yes, but we decided to wait cause he wanted to save for a real engagement ring (my promise ring is kinda cheap- in the space of just a couple of months it molded itself to my finger, it’s so soft) and do the one-knee proposal thing.

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