(Closed) Anyone just so sick of the stress they are inches from giving up??

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2512 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Honestly, I can understand your frustration, BUT I don’t think you should be working 3 jobs to pay for a wedding that your Fiance is obviously not on board with.

One day is not worth so much stress and extra work. 

I am not sure where your plans are at this point but I would highly reconsider them. Maybe push the date back so you dont have to kill yourself to make it happen while your Fiance gets to relax. 

Post # 4
Member
6998 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

deep breaths! maybe you just need to take some time off from planning – stop completely and enjoy the holidays. you have a few more months to finish up planning and ironing out details. just stop, take a step back and come back to it a week after new years.

i seriously needed a break in planning – i think every bride gets to a point where they have just had it and want to throw in the towel, run off and elope. haha but hang in there.

As far as him helping around the house, i highly suggest you guys figure it out prior to walking down the aisle, those things wont change with marriage. I swear its the one thing my husband and I argued about most in the beginning of our marriage, who does what around the house? I did all the laundry while he seemed to do all the cooking – i still do all the laundry but he cleans the bathrooms (which is fine with me! ill do laundry all day long if i dont have to touch the bathrooms) and i realized i was taking advantage of him cooking for me every night – so i make an effort to at least help if not cook a whole meal myself. sometimes you just have to be blunt about it and hope the other person cares enough to make the changes. thats what my husband did with me and i honestly felt bad and didnt really realize i was doing it.

Post # 6
Member
2512 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@MeganTacky2247: See, that shit wouldnt fly with me. If he is the one pushing for a bigger wedding but youre the one working 3 jobs to make it happen… no way man. You really need to make it clear to him that he needs to get another job. 

But jobs aside (as you can see it bothers the heck out of me that you are busting your balls for this haha)… I agree with pp that you should take a mental break from planing your wedding. 

Post # 9
Member
5670 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

When I got enagaged my cousin said something to me “if you can make it through the engagement your can make it through anything”. I know this isn’t 100% true but sometimes during the planning process I knew exactly what she meant.

I think the hard time about wedding is that it’s the one thing that we have avision on and guys don’t really get it. Darling Husband wanted to elope and that’s all I heard during the wedding process when I got stressed about money. But I wanted my day the way I wanted it.

Take a break. Give yourself through the holidays with no wedding talk. Come back to the table in January with a clear and calm mind and have a real sit down conversation and try to align your visions together and set your goals to get there. Divide the task and make a budget and how much is needed and where it’s going to come from. If it’s an outline that he agrees on as well then he should want to get a second job to make this happen.

You too both sound very stressed and while he seems to have an immature way of handling his stress which is not ok take some time so you can work things out calmy.

Good luck. And the only thing I can tell you is a few times during our engagement I really wanted to just call the whole thing off but in the end I had my dream wedding and still smile thinking about it. Darling Husband and I really learned how to work through things together because there was no other way.

Post # 11
Member
5670 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

@MeganTacky2247- You’re welcome. Good luck talking to him and just take a moment and enjoy it πŸ™‚

Post # 13
Member
2512 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Good to hear! 

Post # 14
Member
3520 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

This may or may not help, but when I plan conferences for work, I make a spreadsheet so I can show my boss how much things are costing at the drop of a hat.  Do that for your wedding so that you can pull it out and show him how much 10 extra cousins are going to cost you.  Also, if you have items to pay for along the left side of the spreadsheet and blanks next to them, then you’ll know that’s one more thing that needs to be researched and you can hand it off to him.  Put every little thing on there so he understands how much work you’re doing.

Good luck, sweetie!

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