(Closed) Anyone lose friends/family as you became more successful?

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
692 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I know this feeling and it really sucks. So sorry you’re going through it!  But honestly, you’ll realize that some people who you imagined would be there won’t be for selfish reasons. You’re sad now but once you are at the wedding you’ll feel relief. Having someone like that at Destination Wedding changes the atmosphere and the dynamics of your group. You’ll be happy you don’t have to deal with additional drama or walk on eggshells with anyone during such a special time. 

Never be ashamed of the good stuff that happens in your life. Obviously you shouldn’t boast, but trying to play it down for anyone is just as bad as boasting. Be reasonable. Don’t limit your joy or excitement, just be real. 

I wouldn’t throw away a relationship over this, but personally when I went through this I just thought to myself “note taken for future reference”. I won’t expect much from that person.

Post # 4
Member
10366 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

There will be quite a few people who won’t come for reasons that aren’t selfish/have nothing to do with you, also (since PPs have implied that it will only be for selfish reasons). I honestly think DWs are a bit selfish on the bride/groom’s part given that they are ridiculously expensive and inconvenient for the guests. It isn’t about your “success”…a wedding is about having the important people in your life by your side. Which is super hard when it requires precious vacation time and a lot of $$. Accepting money from a parent of loved one as an adult is really hard for some people. It may really hurt her feelings/pride to do so. Again, this may have a lot less to do with YOU than you think. Perhaps a little less YOU YOU YOU YOU is in order, and a little more understanding?

Post # 5
Member
639 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

Kinda know what you mean. pretty much lost most of my friends when I graduated university and successfully gained a well sought after full time position .. most of them dont do much with their lives and its sad being snubbed for being successful )=

Post # 6
Member
998 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@crayfish:  I agree. One of my good friends is having a destinstion wedding and I know it is her day and what she wants, but it really pains me to know that since I am in the process of buying a house I won’t be able to go. It has really bothered me and I feel like a terrible person, but I just cannot justify the price of airfare and lodging for my husband and myself. 

Post # 9
Member
692 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@crayfish:  

@OtterHalf:  

This isn’t about her sister not coming to a Destination Wedding, it’s about her sister distancing herself, not wanting to see her, and not coming.

I didn’t make it to my friend’s Destination Wedding due to a new job but I constantly offered her my help, hung out with her to make her feel my love/support, and was there when she needed to vent or whatever. I did everything I could to show her I wanted to be there for her.

She came to my own Destination Wedding a few months later without even flinching. It wasn’t weird because we had communicated and we care about each other. It was out of my control to go/not go and she understood that.

By turning this into a “DW’s are selfish”/ “Perhaps a little less YOU YOU YOU YOU is in order” discussion you are totally missing the point. What you just said is as ridiculous and offensive as me saying  something untrue like “At home weddings are selfish, you just want hoards of people there to shower you with gifts and make you feel important instead of focusing on what matters: your love.” 

Post # 10
Member
4656 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

It’s not exactly about success… but I used to be really depressed, had a horrible cynical attitude, super angsty. My closest friend at the time was similar. We would literally sit around and talk about how much the world sucked and people sucked and listen to angsty music etc. etc. But we were REALLY close and I really valued that. Despite the negativity, we were supportive of each other. I haven’t really been quite that close to a friend before or since…

But when I “grew out” of my angst, lost weight, smiled more, saw the bright side of things… I kinda got friend-dumped. Like I wasn’t good for being miserable with anymore or something, I dunno. Still upsets me, honestly. 

Post # 11
Member
405 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Yes! Story of my life right now. I’ve been praying for positive things and vibes and my “friends” and some family are steady disappearing out of my life. Some change is good so I’m going with the flow. It will hurt but stay strong

Post # 12
Member
9954 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

I hear you… and I’ve been on both sides of the fence…

The I got money side…which can make people feel embarassed by being around you for their own lack of achievements etc

And the I don’t have 2 red cents to rub together side… which can be even more embarrassing… left out in left field from the rest of the world kind of place

If your Sis is going thru a Divorce then there could be a lot of crap on her plate… a feeling of failure, lack of money etc

(They say the Divorced amongst us that many are only 30 days from Bankruptcy… think about that for a moment… and how successful you are… and then think about what if your whole world fell apart and you found yourself virtually homeless… I say this beause it took a lot longer than 30 days in my life… but it did happen… one day I’m living the life in a half-mil house, and less than a year later, I’m couch surfing… and virtually homeless standing on the door step of the neighbourhood food bank)

That makes truly difficult in relating to someone who is

(a) planning a Wedding / a future with someone they love

(b) planning a Destination Wedding that is all pretty & nice, and I can ONLY go if someone else pays for me… my Dad no less, considering I am a grown woman

(c) Plus it is my YOUNGER sister… who is YOUNGER and mega successful.  Uuugh.

Ya I’d be crawling under a rock too !!

Sadly, like it or not… your statement

If we wanted everyone to come, we would’ve spent the money to host a hometown  wedding.

Says a lot…

Sooo… you don’t want everyone to come ???

Unfortunately, I gotta get on the bandwagon here that is saying perhaps a Destination Wedding in this case is all about you.  And you’ve lost the vision to see that your Sis is really and truly hurting.  I’d stop fretting over the fact that she isn’t spending any time with you… and more time trying to figure out how to help her out / find out what she needs etc.

Just my 2 cents.

 

Post # 13
Member
6355 posts
Bee Keeper

you can only make sure to be humble and gracious and the rest is off your shoulders.

Triple-check that you haven’t accidentally been rubbing it in, in a preventable way.

If you’ve done everything from your end to overcome the barrier that different levels of financial and/or relationship status can create, just let it go…you know you’ve done your part, so you can keep peace in your heart with the awareness that you will find the people who you deserve, those who will do their past in return to keep a relationship thriving despite such barriers.

Post # 14
Member
349 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2008

This is a tough spot to be in, especially since it’s your relationship with a sister you’re concerned about. I do know the feeling of losing friends as a result of personal success. I lost touch with 80% of my friends after I moved to London, got married, and started my own business, but I’d never hold that against anyone. Sometimes it isn’t a matter of if they care for you and are happy for you, sometimes you aren’t as close because you don’t have as much in common as your grow and your life changes. And obviously your sister is going though a really rough patch in her life if she’s older, divorced, single and not as financially set as you are, so it may be hard for her to relate to you or feel comfortable with the comparisions people might make of you two if you’re standing next to one another. 

Obviously it’s the ideal to have your sister there and happy with you at your Destination Wedding, but realistically you may have to cut her a break on this one. You may see it as a tad selfish of her not to show up for you, but she’s probably going through some rough emotions and not everyone handles these things the same. I had a Destination Wedding too, and one of my sisters was able to come and the other couldn’t for financial reasons. My family would have paid for her to come just like your Dad would pay for your sister, but I completely understood her decision to not allow others to pay her way and wasn’t upset at all, since I had a happy day and just focused on celebrating with the people who were able to make it. Even if you don’t understand her actions or reasons for eveything, try not to allow an even bigger rift to come between you two, and maybe just try to concentrate on the people who will be there on your day, instead of those who can’t come for whatever reasons. 

 

Post # 15
Member
273 posts
Helper bee

Why do you assume she’s too embarrassed to go to your wedding?That literally wouldn’t cross my mind if my sister said she wasn’t coming, I’d just go “I’m disappointed but I knew the risks when I planned to have a wedding so far away”.

I think it says a lot about you that you assume that she must be too embarrassed to attend, just because she’s divorced and doesn’t have the money to fly to a destination wedding. Maybe she isn’t embarrassed to borrow the money, she just doesn’t really want to go so there’s no point getting dad to spring for it.

Your tone in these posts doesn’t make you come across that well, in my opinion.

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