(Closed) Anyone lost a close/best friend over your engagement?

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 16
Member
2153 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

SoonToBeMrsBOP:  I almost lost a best friend due to my wedding but in the end it had a happy ending.. she became really jelaous, refused to be a bridesmaid, told me she spent my wedding reception crying in the toilets.. but in the end we had a few heart-to-hearts where I told her not to blame me for being happy and things started to really turn around after a few months. <br />Maybe it will go that way for you 🙂

Post # 17
Member
9756 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

I lost my friendship with my best friend (besides FI) of nearly 20 years (since we were toddlers) several months after we got engaged. We had issues previously, she has/had a very dominant personality and likes to have her own way, if someone thinks differently and does something differently, they’re wrong and have to do it her way, etc. Apparently she bullied me in kindergarten, obviously I can’t remember.

It all blew up when 4 of us were going to the place where Fiance proposed to celebrate my birthday, she travelled in a separate car to the three of us. She was going to get there a fair bit later than us so we got lunch without her. She threw a fit (over text, she hadn’t arrived yet), turned around and drove home. This was two and a half years ago and we haven’t spoken since.

Post # 18
Member
2734 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Happened to me. She lives 10 hours away but I asked her to be a bridesmaid. She flipped out and demanded she be my maid of honor. Even though my sister was my maid of honor (hello… my SISTER) Pus, her living 10 hours away made it hard for her to be Maid/Matron of Honor. But, I gave in and made them “co-MOH’s”. I think she was bitter ever since then (she even flipped out when she asked hypothetically who would by my non-existant children’s godmother and I again said my sister).

She complained about all the money should would have to “dump into” this wedding. I told her she didn’t have to come up for the shower/bachelorette party (if she did I would plan both to be the same weekend for her). Told her I would find dresses within her budget. Told her she didn’t have to give me a gift, etc etc. After she agreed “ha, yeah any gift I’m giving you is going to be homemade” (totally fine with that) but then demanded a plus one even though she had NO IDEA who she would bring, this stranger to me would have to stay out my house that weekend with her, and after knowing how much we agonized over cutting our guest list to fit our budget and that no one was getting a plus one.

She complained about taking time off work, so we PLANNED OUR WEDDING FOR LABOR DAY WEEKEND so she wouldn’t have to!!

I even politely said “if this is too much financial stress on you, I will not be hurt if you choose to only attend as a guest. I know a Bridesmaid or Best Man is a lot of responsibility and I don’t want you to be stressed out over it” to which she called me a “psycho bitch” for trying to ‘give her an out’.

I sent her a picture of my dress after I bought it and she laughed and asked what the return policy was. Told me my decor ideas were “white trash” (because I wanted baby’s breath in the flowers). And she basically never wanted to hear anything about the wedding unless it directly affected her.

She came up to visit at Christmas after she told me “I can only come up for either your bridal shower or Christmas” and I told her “absolutely come for christmas to be with your family! don’t worry about my shower!”. She stayed at my house that week and I caught her texting her friends that I’m a “cunt” for no reason. After that, I tried ending the friendship…she promised to change and I told her she can still come as a guest to our wedding but with how things have been, I think it best for our friendship if she weren’t a Bridesmaid or Best Man. Of course, she flipped out again calling me all sorts of awful names and I haven’t spoken to her since.

The end.

haha sorry this was so long! Obviously I’m still a little bitter…

Post # 19
Member
2734 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

 

Jacqui90:   she has/had a very dominant personality and likes to have her own way, if someone thinks differently and does something differently, they’re wrong and have to do it her way, etc.

This sounds EXACTLY like my ex-BFF. Even if you didn’t like a movie that she likes she would call you “ignorant, classless, unintelligent and devoid of any valuable human characteristics”. Literally.

Post # 20
Member
860 posts
Busy bee

I didn’t lose any friends, but I did end my relationship with my mother. I also had one of my best friends break down crying when I told her I was engaged and admit that she’d been secretly in love with my for years and she’d always hoped someday we’d get married. I felt really terrible about it. We got passed it though, and she’s going to be one of my bridesmaids. 

Post # 21
Member
142 posts
Blushing bee

I lost one of my best friends due to my relationship with my Fiance and it has just gotten worse since we got engaged. Before Fiance and I started dating me and my friend lived together and my Fiance was a good friend of ours. He had previously had feelings for me but I had told him I’d prefer to be friends. Flashforward a couple of months I realized that I had developed feelings for him so I obviously told my BFF. She was extremely supportive and she convinced me to tell him, she even set it up so he would come over to our house after going out one night so that we could talk in private. All of a sudden a couple months into the relationship, she starts to withdraw and doesn’t want to do much with me. She started getting frustrated that my now Fiance was always with our group of friends when we’d go out, but he was a part of hte group even before we started dating. She expected me to tell him that we all couldnt hang out together anymore because we were dating. <br /><br />I started trying to plan just girls nights for us, or mani-pedi dates but she would either not answer until the day of and say she was busy or just completely ignore me. ALL WHILE LIVING TOGETHER! Finally at her birthday she got drunk and told me that I was neglecting her, etc. We made a promise to both try more. I continuously tried even more, and still would get the same responses from her, with maybe the odd hangout in there, always with me initiating. I would cry myself to sleep about this at times because it was really hurtful. I would try to make plans and she would say she’d have to study, and then I would see pictures of her on instagram or facebook of her out with other friends from our group.

Needless to say I stopped trying, we both ended up moving out of our house, me with Fiance and her with another friend of ours. And we just kept on drifting even more. She has since moved to England to travel and work and before she left we had another heart to heart where we cried and apologized for everything that happened during our friendship and promised to stay in touch. Well this was 2 months ago, I have since consistently tried contacting her through facebook, skype, email, etc. With her either completely ignoring me or just barely being polite. All the while knowing she iMessages other girls from our group of friends.

For example: I sent her a “Happy Easter!” message on easter, and at work that day our mutual friend came upto me and was like “look at the nice message ___ sent me for easter” All the while I got nothing. <br /><br />My current dilemma is do I just let the friendship fizzle or should I confront her about this? We used to talk about her being my co-MoH or one of my bridesmaids and it makes me sad that she has barely even acknowledged our engagement after I tried to contact her to tell her about it. <br /><br />(sorry for the long message, I guess I needed to get it off my chest)

Post # 22
Member
234 posts
Helper bee

MariLPxo:  this reminds me of me and my ex bff, except that ended with her removing me from all social networking and ignoring me whenever we met up in our group of friends – otherwise the details of your story are eerily similar! I hope it works out for the best for you and your friend, no matter what happens <3

Post # 23
Member
640 posts
Busy bee

I don’t know why engagements and weddings bring out the worst in people.

I almost lost my best friend of nearly 20 years after I got engaged (I am no longer engaged).

She and her boyfriend introduced me and my ex-fiance.  My ex is her boyfriend’s best friend and my ex and I started dating a few weeks after they did.

My ex proposed on our 2 year anniversary, while my best friend and her boyfriend rarely talked about getting married and definitely didn’t have a timeline.  I hate to throw the jealous term around, but I belive she was.  It was more of a reflection that her and her boyfriend were not on the same timeline as me and my ex. 

After several weeks of her being absolutely impossible to even talk to, I had a heart to heart talk with her.  I told her I was ready to end our friendship because had the tables been turned and she had gotten engaged first, I would have been thrilled for her instead of pouting that it wasn’t me.  She was smart enough to realize what our friendship had meant and apologized.

My engagement ended like 3 months later when my ex cheated on me, and fortunately, my best friend was there for me.  I think she felt incredibly bad for how she had acted earlier and would have felt worse if our friendship had ended.

Post # 24
Member
701 posts
Busy bee

My engagement made my sister-in-law (my brother’s wife) lose it.  She has issues with anyone being happy (she’s miserable because of her own fault).  My birthday is also the day we had our second date so my fiance and I considered it our “dating anniversary” so he got me gorgeous flowers on our third anniversary and I posted a pic on facebook.  She sent me a nasty message that said we can’t have an anniversary because only married people can have that (riiiiight) and he was never going to propose.  Joke was on her because he had asked my Uncle for permission months before this (he’s pretty much my dad haha) and proposed to me a little over a month after my birthday.  I have the feeling my wedding will only make it worse- she’s already calling it a “shit show.”  I’m inviting her only because she’s married to my brother, but if she shows and causes a ruckus there are plenty people that have offered to bounce her. Jealous and people’s own unhappiness brings out the worst in them- don’t let it ruin your engagement and wedding joy.  Live your life!

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