(Closed) Anyone marrying a guy who has been married before?

posted 11 years ago in Encore
Post # 17
Member
97 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

This is my fiances 2nd wedding too.,  This is my first.  It felt at first that i needed to sacrafice the wedding of my dreams because he has been married before but when i looked deep down I realized that wedding are basically for the woman anyway.  My fiances mother has been very supportive so im not in the same boat as you.  If I were in that situation and she had said that too me,  I most likely wouldnt have her there when I go dress shopping.  My fiance’s brother is kind of acting like oh great not again/do i have to ect.  My fiance is the one who talked to him on how rude that is and everything has been great since.   Good luck and remember this wedding is for you more then the guy.

good luck

Post # 18
Member
645 posts
Busy bee

My fiance has been married once as well.  He is 30 and I’m 29.  He married a girl that was his high school sweetheart and got divorced literally two months later for a LOT of reasons.  A first, I had the same thing happen when we got together, everyone wanted to tell me what they didn’t like about her.  That subsided for a while but still comes up now and then…

It frustrates me sometimes, but overall after 4 years together I’ve learned how to let it go.  This is OUR wedding, our marriage, and I’m blessed in many ways that it didn’t work out with them because their breakup ave me my life with him.

I do worry a lot that our wedding will be compared, but the more I thought about it the more I realized that the comparisons will end when our marriage is successful, we grow together, and we have children.  No one in ten years is going to say “well, it’s great that you are such a happy couple, but your wedding wasn’t a good as the first one”

Try not to get too caught up on it!  🙂

Post # 19
Member
88 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@christalynn11:

My second wedding, his 3rd. His first was in his backyard, his second was an over the top 300 people, best hotel in town type wedding.  My first was a Disney destination wedding.  So we’ve had all kinds – my first was my exs second and I was in the same boat…I would have loved to have the type of wedding my fiancee had for his second – but we’re older now and much more practical and want something really meaningful.  Dont get me wrong – we are doing exactly what we want – no regrets this time.  No one will compare, and in most cases no one will care at all.  This time, we’re getting married in our church (first for either of us) and lots of other things the 3 other weddings didn’t have.  Trust me, I’m not bullish thinking we’re so great together that we’re not doomed. I just know that we’ve done a lot of things differently and know that we’re going to work really hard at this one.  Do exactly what you want – it’s YOUR wedding!

Post # 20
Member
192 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

My first wedding, his second… he was married for 20 years (he’s 51, I’m 31).  The ex and I get along fine… she’s a bit of a ditz, and I hate the fact she hurt him, but she’s nice enough. 

Something neat… he said the other day the whole wedding process is a lot more fun this time around… it’s very ‘us’.

Post # 21
Member
47 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2011

My Fiance is a 34 year old divorced father.  His son is five years old.  I am a 29 year old (greek too) who is getting married for the first time.  I don’t think you have to worry about wedding comparisons.  And I think you deserve your big fat Greek wedding. 

In this day and age, we all have baggage.  in our situations, we happen to have divorced Fis. However, that does not take away from our right to have the wedding we have always dreamed of.  I don’t think your Fiance would want you to feel that you can’t have your wedding just because he was married before.

Now if it’s a cultural thing, Greeks can be hard.  But ultimately, the most important thing is to do what makes you happy and what feels right.  Unfortunately, there is always someone miserable that will criticize something, so you might as well do what you want.  

@miss terry:  If you do not have a good relationship with the mother of your FI’s son, DO NOT invite her.  Remember, your wedding is about you and your Fiance, and you should only have people there that want the best for you.  Just because your want his son to be in the wedding, that does not justify an invite for her.  Does he never spend time with his son without his ex-wife?  If so, why would this be any different?

Post # 22
Member
29 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2011

This is my FI’s second wedding. He’s 28 and I’m 31. He was married for less than a year before they separated and divorced. She was older than him by a few years (even more than me) and wasn’t well received by the family. From my interactions with her (she made my life a living hell for a year) I can see why they may have been standoffish.

 

It did worry me for awhile. So much so I didn’t tell many people. Most assumed because of our ages it was the first for both of us. I found comfort in the fact that we’ve known each other for twelve years (we met and built a friendship well before he met his ex) and that he was everything that I ever asked for. 

Post # 23
Member
84 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Many of these situations are very familar to me. My Fiance was married for about 7 years to his high school sweetheart and even had two children. Things went south when she cheated one too many times. I’ve often wondered if he’d ever want to go back with her. Things can get really complicated sometimes since there are children involved. The ex is the type that has slept with many men and just can’t settle down. She did become close with the Fiance family, so she comes around once in awhile.  This doesn’t make me or even my Fiance happy. The children are in the wedding but there is no way I’d invite her. The children will be staying with us and his parents since the wedding is in a different state. We’ve made a lot of progress with this but I know we have many more struggles in the future. My fiance is very happy about our wedding and has compared it to his past just between the two of us. I want to make sure we do nothing that will remind people about his first wedding. I’m sure people will compare, but I don’t care. I know I’ll have the wedding we want and more importantly, I have him now!

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