(Closed) Anyone marrying someone with a serious health problem?

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
Post # 62
Member
123 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

My DH has Type 2 diabetes. He was recently diagnosed and has been taking pills along with diet change to regulate his blood sugar. I believe he has always had it throughout our relationship and i always urged him to see a dr but he refused. Right now we are adjusting to a new diet and lifestyle for both of us so he doesn’t have to go it alone.

Post # 63
Member
686 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@lorie:  I applaud you and your Fiance for having such a positive outlook on everything 🙂 My younger cousin was diagnosed with MS a few years back and she has already had to face many difficult transitions in her life, so I can only imagine what you must be facing and feeling. Although I’m sure it will make your relationship more difficult at times, I’m sure it must also have an amazingly positive affect as well.

 

DH has a serious medical condition. He was diagnosed at 18yrs old and we got married when he was 24 (almost 25) so I knew what I was getting into, but it can still be frustrating for me at times. His condition is generally fine when his medication is working, but problems can pop up at any time. I apologize in advance for my vagueness, but due to my husband’s employment I’m not going to give many details (it’s a small world and WB is a small hive hehe).

The most recent medical issue came up about a year before our wedding. DH had to move out of state for a year for work and we had just moved him in (I was still living in CA, but had gone out there to help with the moving process) when it happened. DH had a doctor lined up, but hadn’t formally met him yet. I had to rush him to the ER and literally had to Google where the nearest hospital was because he had just moved there and we didn’t know where anything was yet. Everything worked out, but he ended up missing his first week of work because he was stuck in the hospital. His new boss actually came to visit and ended up giving him the week off after he got out of the hospital, so that was actually super nice! 

I would say the biggest problems we’re facing at this point with his condition are in regard to health insurance. We have fantastic insurance and he has amazing specialists, but if we ever lose our insurance (for whatever reason) his medication would literally cost us over $14k every other month. That’s insane. Later on, we will be facing necessary surgery options but at this point it’s still far away. Unfortunately, DH’s risk of cancer is also greatly elevated until he has said surgery, but it shouldn’t be an issue anytime soon (at least it isn’t likely at this point). Other than that, our more immediate concerns are in regard to TTC. His medication is relatively new and it isn’t yet known how much of an effect it may have on his man-parts. We’re not thinking about TTC for a few more years, but his doctors have actually recommended freezing sperm just to be on the safe side at this point.

Growing up, I never thought I’d find myself in this sort of situation in my marriage, that’s for sure! haha. I find myself feeling worried and sometimes even resentful at times, but I realized how blessed I am that we’re in the situation we have…. things could always be much worse and we have so much to be appreciative of! Life is crazy and it can always get crazier!!!

 

Post # 64
Member
370 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I have an anxiety disorder as well. I was on meds for 2 years and about 2 months ago I went off because I wanted to get preggo and my OB says she doesn’t recommend pregnancy with them. Right around that time…we had a house fire that did over 25k of damage and left the home unlivable. Then we started house searching and after 2.5 months have found a great house for us. My anxiety is at it’s all time highest. Yesterday I had my first anxiety attack in front of my husband and that was an eye opener for him. I think he sees now that “I just can’t stop worrying”…it’s an illness.

Post # 65
Member
69 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I met my SO and two days after talking, we were talking about ourselves and he mentioned somethng and I was like “woah..what did you say?” and he abbreviated it but then told me that he has post tramatic stress disorder from being in the military and in war. He thought after hearing that that I would run for the hills but he is honestly a sweetheart and him fighting through his condition inspires me. He does take a ton of meds and of course he has flashbacks. He also has dreams which he says he doesn’t have when I am laying next to him. We are coming up to a hard day for him and I know it will be heartbreaking to watch him go through it but I know he is strong enough to let it pass. We also have to stay away from war movies as well. 

Because of his post tramatic, any slight mess up with his drugs he will be very anxious and could slip into a deep deep depression and reacts badly if he is off of his meds. He isn’t violent though, he is very sweet. He told me the hardest part may be the date coming up plus the fact that he wakes up during his bad dreams and it may wake me up. He has also been through a ton with judging and his ex. He doesn’t let his post tramatic though run his life like I have seen. He gets his help, he talks to people and he takes his meds. People have noticed a change in him since he has met me which happens and he’s a ton better. He talks to people, is more outgoing and a lot more talkative then when I first met him. He also deals with me and my anxieties and depression which makes me admire him more. He even works a functional job despite his short term memory not being that great and he did what he loved to do which is work on computers. I know me and him are in for a tough road in the future but I can’t wait to move forward with him. Smile

Post # 66
Member
10220 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

@Wintersnowflake:  

I am so glad your SO is sticking with his meds, so many men won’t.  Is he also in therapy?

Sounds like you are good for his recovery!

Post # 67
Member
69 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@sassy411:  Yes. he does go to therapy. He used to go once a week but since meeting me, he has only needed to go once a month. It is great that he chose to get help. He did use other means before to get over it but then he realized it wasn’t the way and he went to get help. I have seen others who didn’t choose medicine. They turn to alcohol or other means to get the images out of their heads. I look up to my SO because he fought for our country and now he deals with the trama in return. But he’s getting better and keeps doing better. 

Post # 68
Member
217 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Sweet.Sugar.Rose:  I’m just jumping in to say that I hope you can afford a pump someday, too!  I have many relatives on both sides of my family and also a brother in law that have insulin pumps and have only ever heard positive things.  One of my cousins (who was also diagnosed around age 13) really struggled with regulating her blood sugar levels until she was able to get a pump.  It was a life changer for her.

Post # 69
Member
10220 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

@Wintersnowflake:  

Please thank him for his service for me.

 

I’m glad he’s sticking with the meds.  You probably know the short term memory issues could be a side effect and may lessen over time as the brain does it’s miraculous re-routing.

Post # 70
Member
4394 posts
Honey bee

@wintersnowflake: I am no expert on PTSD but my uncle has it from Vietnam and he has had many incidents and problems, but has been doing so well. He went back to school for his masters and is a professor at a community college and does really good now. So I just wanted to add that some people are able to be very productive and happy!

Post # 71
Member
69 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@sassy411:  Yes it is. But what is amazing is even though he has these issues, he remembers all of the small things like what kind of drink I like, favourite flowers, favourite stones, etc. Hes doing amazing but he has his moments and it frustrates him but he’s doing amazing things.

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@BlondeMissMolly:  Of course! Most are. My SO is one of them. He is in his dream job and sometimes he forgets things but he makes sure to write them down somewhere and still manages to be a go-to guy for computer issues. Everybody depends on him and it makes him feel better. When he told me he had it, he thought I would leave but I was like “alright we will get through it” because he is doing great and is very happy. So glad to hear your Uncle is doing well!

Post # 72
Member
11 posts
Newbee

I’m the one with health issues, epilepsy, a neuromuscular disease called Charcot Marie Tooth & recently discovered that I have a chromosome deletion. So all neurological problems, yay! The CMT doesn’t really affect me, it does affect my extremities and is degenerative so I’m supposed to be doing physical therapy and staying in shape will help with pain in my body but unless I walk around a lot or am doing intense things, I’m not bothered by the aches. My epilepsy is not really a problem except I can’t drive but I only have seizures about every three months now that I’m not on medication. I would actually have more when I was taking medications! The chromosome deletion is something just discovered and we only found out I have it when I was pregnant with my second son and it was found that he had a deletion. It’s a pretty significant part missing and not a lot is known about it but a wide variety of problems can occur. My epilepsy may be because of the deletion but doctors aren’t sure yet. I ended up having a medical termination because such a big part is missing and I can’t stand to have a child only to watch them suffer. But, I lucky enough to already have a healthy four year old & have my fingers crossed for another healthy baby in the future! 

Post # 73
Member
216 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I’m not sure if I should even be posting in this thread since FI’s health problem isn’t that serious but it reared its ugly head a few days ago and reminded us that it’s still there…

Fiance has epilepsy and will be on medication for the rest of his life. Technically he could try going off of it but he would have to be seizure free for six months before he could drive again. Something neither of us is willing to take a chance on. He recently started changing his medication to a different drug under his doctor’s orders (his last one may have caused his kidney stones last year that resulted in two er visits) To make sure the medication level stayed the same in his system, he had to slowly introduce the new drug to his system while still taking the old drug. He’s now fully on the new drug and weanig off the old drug.

The only downside we’ve come across is that the generic for the new drug has to be taken twice a day, something Fiance isn’t used to. He’s used to three pills in the morning. Well, he forgot to take the second dose Saturday night and started having tremors in the morning. I had to keep him in bed so when the seizure hit, he wouldn’t be walking or on the stairs. Not easy when he has 11 inches and 100 lbs on me, is stubborn as hell and for some reason really wanted out of bed.

Fiance told me very early in our relationship about his epilepsy and what I should do if he were to have one. The first one he had with me there was scary because he didn’t warn me what would exactly happen since he never remembers anything. I had no clue that he would have tremors well before the actual seizure. The seizures themselves don’t bother me. The tremors are what stress me out because I have no clue how long it’s going to be before the seizure. It could be a few minutes, it could be over an hour.

Sorry about the rambling book! Just felt good to let that out.

Post # 75
Member
602 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

@lorie:  Very true. One of my favorite quotes that I printed out and framed in my bedroom- “A woman is like a tea bag. She never knows how strong she is until she is in hot water.” A very wise President’s wife said that (Eleanore Roosevelt)

We women, through the ages, have had to face very difficult and trying circumstances, tragedies, hardships, sacrifices, loss and pain so profound that most men would have long since given up and given in. It’s because of our strength that men have the backbones they have and are the way they are- Mother’s teach their children, children learn by example. It’s how we survive.

Every woman here and every man who supports a woman- is courageous, valiant, noble, strong and good and when those traits are evident, you know the true grace of character.

Post # 76
Member
1438 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’m the one with the health problem… i have been diagnosed with Anxiety disorder… which i’ve learned over the years to control it pretty well but sometimes when stress gets too much, it comes back full force, but i can control it for the most part…. i refuse to take meds for the rest of my life. 

I don’t think he understands it like i hoped he would, because he has been adding to my stress big time,  hahaha but i think it’s because by the time i met him, i had it under control for the most part, so he’s only really seen me in major panic mode a couple times where he had to take me to the hospital. 

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