Anyone not do premarital counseling and have a good marriage?

posted 2 weeks ago in Emotional
Post # 16
Member
7094 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I don’t think its required to have a good marriage, but I think it’s super useful and might bring up things you may not have thought of! I’m really not a fan of religiously based ones, as I don’t find them very… balanced lets say, but covering your bases and discussing things open and honestly, and knowing how to fight productively and bring up difficult things is so valuable! I probably wouldn’t pay $660 out of pocket for it though haha. 

Post # 17
Member
652 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2005

My husband and I have been together for 20 years. We went to one pre marital counseling session as required by that particular minister to marry us. 

We have a very successful marriage. Most people cant believe that at this stage in our lives that we prefer each other to anyone else. 

I would advise pre marital counseling only if there are larger untalked about issues that you and your SO are sweeping under the rug. Its a good place to get it out if something is bothering you.

In our case we knew what we wanted, we knew our goals matched, we had the same values, and we have been blissfully happy ever since. 

Post # 18
Member
203 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2018

Well, I did premarital counseling for all 3 of my  marriages, and I still got divorced with the first one.  I was widowed from the second husband, but I don’t know that we’d be married still if he’d lived.  My new husband and I have a very strong, good relationship, and counseling helped us have some discussions that benefitted us, but I think we could have done it without premarital counseling.

 

BUT..I love counseling in general so i’m always up for some!

Post # 19
Member
2738 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2017 - Courthouse

I agree I think counseling is great if you haven’t covered some of the main territory for a soon-to-be-married couple. I also think it’s great for some personality types that don’t like voicing opposition or creating waves. 

I feel like we see a lot of Bees here that post “I don’t like when my husband does X” but then proceeds to say they have never talked to him about his behavior and their expectations. If you are someone who has issues with that, I think marriage counseling would be a great idea. 

We never had any counseling as we aren’t religious. I would have liked to because it probably couldn’t hurt, but I don’t necessarily regret it. We communicate very well so it’s not too big of an issue. 

Post # 20
Member
1520 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

We didn’t do any counseling. I have no regrets. We discussed a lot of subjects like finances and religion during our relationship so when we got married there weren’t really any topics we hadn’t already covered. 

Post # 22
Member
419 posts
Helper bee

You’ve been together 8 years so unless you have communication problems, I believe you already talked about everything that needs to be discussed prior marriage. I personally don’t believe in premarital counseling unless it’s to find potential red flags as pp mentioned. Just have an series of honesty conversations to make sure you’re on the same page.

Post # 23
Member
5124 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2017

We didn’t do any premarital counseling but I wish we had. I think it definitely would have helped us better prepare ourselves for the first year(s) of marriage. I think it would have been worth its cost in gold.

Post # 24
Member
1384 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2019 - USA

Mlim :  We didn’t do counseling, but honestly the first year of our marriage has been challenging and I often wonder if counseling would have helped us weather that better. If your budget allows for it (I know they’re pricey..) and you’re both on board, then I don’t see any reason why not! It’s really necessary to have serious conversations about values and difficult topics BEFORE you tie the knot. If you think a counselor will help you two to ask and answer those hard questions a little more, then please go for it! Honestly though, don’t let it stop you from doing your own premarital research and diving into that together- there are so many  affordable resources at your disposal to help you prepare for marriage. 

Post # 25
Member
9869 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

We didn’t do any premarital counseling. We’d been together 8 years and didn’t feel we needed any – we didn’t have any issues to resolve and had already talked about everything important. We’ve now been married 3.5 years and as happy today as we were on our wedding day. We have a great marriage and don’t regret not doing premarital counseling at all.

Post # 26
Member
13796 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

We didn’t do any premaritial counseling. We lived together for a couple years before getting married, so we’d already learned each others quirks. We’ve been happily married for almost 7 years now. No regrets! 

Post # 27
Member
717 posts
Busy bee

We did a couple sessions with a (secular) therapist who specializes in marriage counseling. It was really helpful. We actually had a specific conflict we needed help resolving before the wedding, which is why we went. The counselor gave us the tools to do reach a compromise with this issue. Totally worth it.

Post # 28
Member
9290 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

no counseling, known each other almost 10 years, living together 8 years, married for 6 years, happily married for 6 years.

2 children, went through 2 years of infertility, needed IVF for both children, dealt with major deaths our families, and crazy/stressful relatives  (mostly my mom)

 

ETA: i think premartial counseling is stemmed from the catholic church and church in general.  a coworker of mine is some branch of christianity.  his church has a marriage retreat every year that he and his wife attend. he said he gets a lot out of it and it helps him form a stronger bond with his wife.

we are jewish and marriage counseling/retreats is not typical.

 

Post # 29
Member
58 posts
Worker bee

Mlim :  Nope never did and happily married.. I find pre marital counselling a cash grab/must do to get married in church I see zero value in it.. if you seriously need a third party to ask you questions like what do you value/what are your future plans/how will you divide money or chores etc then you shouldn’t even be engaged or living together honestly..

 

Post # 30
Member
717 posts
Busy bee

supertrooper01 :  Multiple people here have given examples of how premarital counseling helped strengthen their relationship. Is it something everyone has to do to be happy in their marriage? Def not, but writing it off as a “cash grab” and saying you shouldn’t even be with someone if premarital counseling would be of use to you is quite the stretch.

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