Anyone NOT nag?

posted 4 months ago in Relationships
  • poll: Who is the Nag?
    Definitely ME : (38 votes)
    31 %
    My SO : (3 votes)
    2 %
    Both of us : (8 votes)
    7 %
    Neither : (71 votes)
    59 %
    Other (explain) : (1 votes)
    1 %
  • Post # 16
    Member
    108 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: City, State

    bayoubee :  Oh man I can totally relate!! When we sold my house and bought one together, I remember saying that it was half his so now half of his responsibility to clean. His answer? Well I don’t care if my half is dirty! He moved in with me straight from his mom’s house, so it has taken some time to essentially train him into home ownership for lack of a better word. I do the nitty gritty like the toilets, the floors, laundry. He does basic stuff like dishes, trash, general picking up. It only becomes an issue when I have asked him to do the dishes multiple times and they still aren’t done. But we do our best to share the work 50/50, I just have a lot less brain power at the end of the day than he does due to the nature of our jobs. 

    Can’t wait to hear your updates about him staying home. We may never be able to afford it but Darling Husband has mentioned he would gladly stay home if he ever can (I make too much, would never happen for me and I would be so bored). I told him that if he ever did, then the house would need to be spotless and he would take over my duties too like the toilets (which I cannot imagine he even knows how to clean). He was all for it, yet somehow I would find it hard to believe until I see it first hand… good luck!!

    Post # 17
    Member
    363 posts
    Helper bee

    I don’t nag, but I feel like maybe I should sometimes,

     

    I do almost all the chores in the house, we both work 45 hours a week but I get Wednesdays as a half day so I get most of my cleaning done then & washing.

    When my SO takes charge his idea of chores is

    -washing in the machine but nothing after that
    -dishes washed but left on the sink
    -house tidied but bins over flowing.
    -has never wiped a bench or cleaned the bathroom/toilet

    I have since taken over and do majority asking for him to do Bins (inside and out) & to cook every night. (I do the dishes)

     

    But low and behold since not nagging him there is overflowing bins, no bins taken out to the street, cardboard/recylcing piling up & takeaway ordered if I don’t go to the shops and buy all the ingridients OR if there is food it’s ‘don’t feel like cooking’ 

     

    I don’t want to nag, but I feel like maybe I could nudge/remind him… 

     

    Post # 18
    Member
    313 posts
    Helper bee

    I’m the organized optimizer in our relationship, so I tend to give notifications as things approach.. wouldn’t call it nagging…

    Post # 19
    Member
    130 posts
    Blushing bee

    The word nag sounds awful and I’d hate to think that I was a nag. I don’t know if I necessarily nag, I just remind him to do things (he can be very forgetful to the point of me asking him to check the postbox as he is leaving the house and he forgets by the time he gets outside). Also I can’t stand mess, whereas he is a bit more lenient so it would take him longer to go and clean something than it would take me, so sometimes I have to ask him to go and clean something or put his stuff away.

    Post # 20
    Member
    1940 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2017 - Pearson Convention Centre

    I’m not a nag at all, and neither is my husband. I have a higher standard of cleanliness, so I tend to do most of the cleaning when he’s at work. I’m also very particular about laundry again I take on that responsibility for me it’s not a big deal. I enjoy doing housework while he’s at work.

    Post # 21
    Member
    9210 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    My husband doesn’t nag.

    Sometimes I guess I do. I would say I carry the majority of the “mental load” for the household and our daughter’s activities/needs. I always have a running list in my head of things that need to get done. Sometimes if my “list” is getting long, I’ll ask him to do something specific. It annoys the CRAP out of me when he happily agrees to my request, and then puts it off and puts it off. And then when I ask about it again a few days later, he acts annoyed about it. Like dude, that’s not helping me…

    But really that’s not a common occurrence. 

    Post # 22
    Member
    2307 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I feel very #blessed because my fiancé and I are very similar when it comes to the state of our living spaces and is very observant as to what needs to get done.  He knows when things need to be picked up, cleaned or put away.  Takes the trash out when it’s full, walks the dog when it’s time time, folds the laundry when it’s dry, empties the dishwasher if it’s clean.

    He also takes more of the maintenance issues around the condo and cabin, but I do most of the cooking.  It’s a trade off for us.

    So no nagging from either of us.

     I lived that nagging life with my exH.  He was always “forgetting” to do things….but really he knew I would do it for him if he put it off long enough.

     

    Post # 23
    Member
    71 posts
    Worker bee

    I like what Alain De Bottom said about ‘nagging’. “What is nagging? Nagging is what happens on the other side of the attempt to teach.” Anyone else love his videos??? His ‘On Love’ video is GREAT.

    Post # 24
    Member
    723 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: January 2016

    I keep tabs on what needs to be done around the house since I’m at home during the day. My husband and I each have regular type of chores that we do without mentioning it. We will definitely remind each other of things that keep slipping off the radar – I’ve been trying to get my husband to do touch ups on the painting jobs that he’s done around the house and he keeps trying to get me to make us eye doctor appointments. Little things with zero emotion or attitude attached to the request. It’s a team effort though and our home. We will occasionally ask each other when we are planning on getting something done and it’s a perfectly acceptable response to say that we don’t have time or just aren’t motivated and to ask the other person to help.

    Post # 25
    Member
    2565 posts
    Sugar bee

    There’s 0 nagging in our mariage.

    We split things pretty evenly and are also both patient and understanding, so are more likely to happily pick up the other’s slack if they’re lazy for a short while for whatever reason. If either of us starts to notice a pattern of behavior that we don’t like (I tend to leave peanut butter knives on the counter – NO IDEA why, I put all other dirty dishes directly into the dishwasher! He tends to leave his cooking utensils perched precariously on the edge of the sink where they can easily be knocked onto the floor), we kindly let the other person know that it bothers us, and they amend their ways.

    Thank GOD I married a Man who actually knows how to Adult. 

    Post # 26
    Member
    827 posts
    Busy bee

    If one of us nags, it would be me. I’m the planner and always on top of things, where he’s more “go with the flow”. But I can’t think of any examples off the top of my head where I actually nagged him. I usually only give him a friendly reminder, he says thanks (because he appreciates my memory for details), and that’s the end of it. There’s never been a time where I’ve had a complaint about him not doing something or gotten on his case about it. He’ll remind me from time to time, too… no one is perfect, and I appreciate that he does. 

    When I see women on their SO’s asses about every little thing, I’m like, “If he’s so terrible and can’t do anything right, why are you with him??” 

    Post # 27
    Member
    1272 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: City, State

    I divorced the guy I had to nag. never again. If i have to nag you, Iʻm leaving and not looking back.

    Post # 28
    Member
    3090 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: January 2021

    bctoquebec :  neither of us really nag, but once in a while one of us will get annoyed about something and bring it up… Like the other week when I had stuff in my schedule three evenings in a row and I was pissed off that he didn’t do the dishes those three days. Normally I do them every night and I don’t mind because he does all sorts of other stuff around the house, but letting them pile up when I’m not able to get to them annoyed the shit out of me so, yes, I nagged… 

    Post # 29
    Member
    1831 posts
    Buzzing bee

    No nagging on either side and no fighting either. Still haven’t had a single big fight. We are lucky enough to be on the same level with maturity, what we want, saying what our needs are to each other, and we both carry our own weight so neither one needs to nag. We constantly do little nice things for each other because we want to, so even if 1 time he left a sock around or something that annoyed me, i wouldn’t mind picking it up because id remember that just that morning he made me breakfast, or picked up my favorite drink at the store when he was out. 

    When two people live their lives together just trying to be generally giving, there isnt really room for nagging or upset. 

    Post # 30
    Member
    33 posts
    Newbee

    I have made a pact with myself to never nag or chide my S/O. If they leave a mess, I simply don’t touch it. They’ll get the picture once the mess has been there for a few days. I have lived with several messy boyfriends and I just refuse to clean up after them. Not my job. 

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