Anyone NOT nag?

posted 7 months ago in Relationships
  • poll: Who is the Nag?
    Definitely ME : (38 votes)
    31 %
    My SO : (3 votes)
    2 %
    Both of us : (8 votes)
    7 %
    Neither : (71 votes)
    59 %
    Other (explain) : (1 votes)
    1 %
  • Post # 32
    Member
    1182 posts
    Bumble bee

    Me. I see my mum in myself (she is a big nagger) and I really am trying to stop. xo

    Post # 33
    Member
    9176 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    No one on Weddingbee nags! We’re all Perfect Spouses in Perfect #Blessed Relationships *swooon* 🥰

    Post # 35
    Member
    636 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2007 - City, State

    bctoquebec :  No. That isn’t how healthy relationships work. And if I ever told my husband what to do, or he told me what to do, we would tell the other where to go and how to get there. As in, i’m not your property.

    I make requests if I need something. “Babe, do you think you can help me with X later on?” If the person cares about you and your feelings then they will oblige. 

    The worst thing you can do is treat your spouse like a child. You cannot tell them what to do. Our house isn’t dirty but its always a little messy with 3 kids and i’m pregnant and he works long hours. We fought when I tried to maintain perfection. Why? Because it’s not attainable long term. We all like a picked up home but being a perfectionist about anything stresses people out. My parents are this way and it’s extremely stressful staying with my kids there. I’m the stay at home parent and he works, and he cares more about me giving him my full attention in a conversation or spending time with him than all the laundry being done or the toys being cleaned up.

    At the end of the day, sometimes peace is better than being right. If he does something little that annoys me, I swallow it. I am fallible and have my own flaws and I know this. Nagging builds resentment. But I also have a good partner who doesn’t hesitate to do chores or help me. I might feel different if I married a man who was nothing like my husband and very much saw the children and house as solely my responsibility. I thank my lucky stars i did not marry that kind of man. 

    Post # 36
    Member
    82 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: October 2019 - City, State

    I have a hard time with this. I am VERY neat and my fiancé is…not. We both have very demanding jobs, working 60-70 hours a week, and I travel Mon-Thurs. Every. Week. Inevitably the house becomes a bit messy while I’m gone and I think he just assumes I’ll clean it up. 

    He’ll help when he sees me in the midst of doing something, e.g., putting away clean dishes, but is never proactive.

    I try not to nag but definitely ask “can you put away your laundry” or “can you take out the trash.” He’s sort of in the camp of “if you don’t ask how can I know?” Which bothers me but I love him for other reasons and also I grew up in a house where the (non-working) wife did everything so in some ways it seems natural to me even bough I know better. 

    I’m a little worried all the child responsibility will fall to me too but he’s more amped about kids than me so right now I am hoping he will take a larger part in child rearing and I will handle the household.

    Post # 37
    Member
    1067 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2017 - A vineyard

    Eh. Mostly no. And thank god because I already dated someone who needed nagging and I didn’t appreciate being Mommy to someone older than me. My husband mostly doesn’t need to nag me because we let my phone do that. I need some extra help remembering things so j make a lot of alarms on my phone calendar to help me with this problem. On the flip side my husband rarely needs nagging because if I ask him to do something he usually does it. He may wait a bit to finish his game but he goes and does whatever it is immediately after. Except dishes. He hates them even more than me and will totally let them sit so I just do them and make him do something else in exchange. Like changing poopy baby diapers whenever he is home. Fair trade right??? Lol.

    Post # 38
    Member
    10580 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: City, State

    bayoubee :  

    This is Dh. He is really struggling with memory issues. There is an age thing here. It was no small challenge to get him to a neurologist. He does have some damage to two memory centers that may be treatable. We’ll know more after his upcoming sleep study.

    He forgets everything. If I remind him, I’m “nagging”. 

    Dh is the reigning champion nag in our household. He just can’t seem to help himself. It’s not about getting me to do things like chores, he gives me completely unnecessary information over and over. “Watch out for the stove! It’s hot”! You’re kidding! Whew!  I sure dodged a bullet there, thanks!

    This goes on all the time. Be careful of this, don’t step on that, those will break, and on it goes to the point of straight jacket-worthy madness. It’s not merely annoying. It’s infantalizing.

    Oh, sure. That all sounds great, but it’s nothing but small ball. Dh doesn’t really shine until he gets the chance to do a little backseat driving. Try to keep in mind that I have not had a ticket or accident since some time in the 1980s (and that was an over the limit line citation which I beat in traffic court). Dh, otoh, has had a few citations and something like four accidents in the last few years.

    His car nagging is so bad that I had to gag order him before we went for his recent sinus procedure. One peep, and he’s going home via Uber. That was on the heels of the last time I drove with him. He had suddenly freaked (over something he assumed I hadn’t seen) and reached for the wheel with both hands. Bad plan. Really bad plan when you know your driver has been diagnosed with PTSD.

     

    Post # 39
    Member
    307 posts
    Helper bee

    TheGridMonster :  

    Yeah, no one on here nags, argues, or god forbid, finds their relationship difficult occasionally!

    I try just ‘asking’ first (not that I should even need to ask, but that’s a different matter), but as Darling Husband is very messy and lazy with household things, so yes, sometimes I need to nag. 

    Post # 40
    Member
    684 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2018

    We both have our little faults and we do both nag – but not much. 

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