Post # 1
I keep going back and forth on whether or not to have kids for various reasons. Darling Husband isn’t pushing or pressuring in any way, and we decided we’d wait to talk seriously about having them in one year (this was three months ago). I always figured, I want them someday just not now. But more and more I think about how much I enjoy my free time and how I would have to give that up.
And then I think about what it would be like to have a life growing inside of me, and how cute babies are and I think “hey, I could have one now!”.
And then the other feelings return. And so it goes:
Sleepless nights, endless frustration, constant worry, no personal time, booties, that fresh baby smell, a sleeping angel, my future ties…..
Anyone else in this boat?
Post # 3
My husband and I have had the same opinion, we have never wanted to have children. Even growing up, I never thought “I want kids someday.”
But, as much as we are 99% sure we don’t want to have children, we have discussed the vasectomy route – but agreed that although we don’t see our minds changing, who knows how we will feel in 5 years. We are 27 now, and we agreeded that if by 35 we still feel the same way as we do now, then we will go this route.
We enjoy our free time tremendously and LOVE to travel – just pick up and go, no worries excpet finding a sitter for the dog. I think we are two people who are just a little too selfish to have children 🙂
Post # 4
Definitely hear you on that one…
I honestly never thought I was going to have kids when I was younger. I was driven and wanted a career — and unfortunately, because of the male-dominated field I went into, being a mom and having a career will never really work. Now that I’m a little older and married, the idea of having kids is something I think I might want… but I’m still not able to decide if I want to give up having a career to be a mom. ((I’ve worked REALLY hard to get where I am, why should I be expected to give that up?!) Luckily no one is really pushing us to have kids… neither of our parents, siblings, or grandparents. And my hubby is really great.. he puts up with my once-monthly, hormone-induced baby fever (I get it realy bad right before my period) and doesn’t really push me to talk about it when my hormones aren’t going crazy. I sometimes just wish someone would make the decision for me. I do not like making life-changing decisions!
Post # 5
@AnnieAAA: That’s sort of our take on it. We’re 22 and 23, so a little younger than you and your hubby, but I’ve never felt the “mommy urge” (except once or twice in passing). We want to enjoy being young without having to worry about taking care of a child and have agreed that if we do have children, it will be through fostering or adoption and not until we’re at least in our early to mid-thirties.
Post # 6
I think I want kids someday, but I don’t know if the timing will ever be right for us. I want them enough that I wouldn’t marry someone who knew that they didn’t want kids. FH definitely wants kids. We’ll both be 28 when we’re married. I can’t see us being ready in 5 years, and I think 10 years would be too long. I know a lot of people have kids in their late 30s, but I don’t think it’s for me. I think I would be happy doing a lot of traveling, and adopting some pups 🙂 I’ve never felt like my life would be incomplete without kids, and I can’t relate to the “baby fever” thing at all.
Post # 7
I don’t want kids and neither does Darling Husband. We really like our lives and don’t think kids will add to that in a positive way. But sometimes, I think it might be fun or rewarding. That feeling usually goes away after a while though, especially when we see screaming children in the grocery store or something like that.
If we suddenly wanted kids and are past a time when we can have them naturally, I would look into adoption.
Post # 8
I am on the fence. I really feel like I have to choose between my career and having children. I don’t want to miss out on either, but I do not have family to watch my kids. At all. It would be me, all me. :/ I would love to adopt children. Dh wants that too, when we are good and ready/ if we are ever ready. I love the idea of having children, but there are so many things I want out of life. We both had to raise other kids when we were young, and it really traumatized both of us. We will see, but I would like to take care of myself for once.
Post # 9
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with not wanting kids. If you know you don’t want to give up certain things in your life you could just end up resenting the fact that you’ve had them – and that’s not good for anyone!
I used to say I didn’t want kids but realized I couldn’t imagine being older and not having them. It’s really a personal choice but I wish people didn’t just assume once a couple gets married that they’re going to have kids, it’s not for everyone.
Post # 10
- Wedding: May 2019 - Our home and the two acres it sits on
Um, yea. *raises hands* And I’m five months pregnant. 🙂 I’m only half-kidding. I suspect lots of people have ambivalence around it. I sure did.
I agree with Camrie that it should be a personal decision and never an assumption.
Post # 11
@camrie: you said it perfectly! I wish the same thing. People do automatically think if your getting married, the next step is the kids (esp when you are in your late 20s like me.) I’ve even had a women ask “why did you get married if you don’t want kids?” I was speechless.
Post # 12
It’s good knowing I’m not the only one that feels this way. Going along with what AnnieAAA and camrie are saying, it seems like there is this expectation a la the “first comes love, then comes marriage” ryhmes of childhood. On top of it, so many women I know are so certain on yes I do or no I don’t. I’m still stumbling around aimlessly trying to figure out what I want.
@cheese: Ambivalence is the perfect term for it. At this point, I’m just doing my thing and figuring that if my pill fails I was meant to have kids….nice right?
Post # 13
As a kid I always wanted to have a huge family of my own. But once I hit 20 and until I got back with Darling Husband (when I was 25), I didn’t want kids. During college and grad school I loved my free schedule and doing what I wanted when I wanted. Plus I was not in a relationship with anyone during those years that made me want to have kids. Once Darling Husband and I got back together and got engaged, I got baby fever big time. We both wanted kids and the life we have together is very family oriented.