Post # 1
Hi all, my husband works the night shift from 10:45-6:55…Sunday through Thursday. However, I work from 7:30-4:00 Monday through Friday.
We have been in a bit of a “rut” in the bedroom…and right now I’m feeling really down about it. As newlyweds, and living together for the first time, we are having problems finding time for sex, also while I battle a low libido most times.
When I get home from work he is always still sleeping. Sometimes as late as 8pm. This only gives us 2 hours together…and I still have to make dinner yet for us at this point. I’ve asked him to set a better sleep schedule so he’d get up earlier and he said he would try, but so far nothing’s come from it.
What I’m asking is when are you wives finding time to initiate sex? Enough to the point where you are satisfied? How do you make your opposites schedules work?
Post # 2
We lived through this. I worked 11pm-7am (nurse) he worked 9am-5pm (office) it took me an hour to get to work or home so i was home at 8 am and had to leave for work by 10pm. I slept from 9am till about 4 or 5pm. He would leave at 730 am and come home at 630pm. I would cook dinner when I woke up so we had more time together.. From 7pm till 930pm was us time, then I had to get ready to leave. This went on for 7 months. I worked part time (4 8hr shifts a week) including every weekend, and holiday. I was of 3 random weekdays a week, so he was still at work, but we had more time in the evenings together. We had sex about 2-3 times a week, usually on my days off, but sometimes we would sneak a quikie between him coming home and me leaving for work. It was very tough but I nedded to get some experience in my field and that’s what I had to do. I wouldn’t be able to do it long term or permanently. I had 2 coworkers who’s marriage fell apart cause they worked nights all the time. So I suggest one of you finds a new job, more him than you cause working nights permanently is not good for anyone. I developed vertigo after months, the last month at that job I had so much vertigo I couldnt stand it and was about to quit, then they laid me off due to some departamental restructuring. I was so happy that i didnt have to quit (where I live if you are laid off you get unenployment benefits paid for up to 6 months while you look for a new job, if you quit you get nothing). Just sit him down and have a serious talk. What will you guys do when you TTC, when you have kids, hiw is his schedule going to impact your family life and his health in the long run. He really needs a new job.
Post # 3
I work M-F with 2 side jobs (alternating Friday and Saturday nights) and then I have class/Rehersal saturday morning and work Sunday morning… he works Friday through Tuesday 3 PM – 11 PM and we live 2 hrs apart.
It’s difficult sometimes. – and no we don’t have sexy time every time we see each other- I’m tired- he’s tired or it’s bad timing- we do the best we can and understand sex isn’t the cornerstone of everything we live and die by. So we enjoy the time we have- but we don’t just try to make it a huge big thing- forgiving and flexible is a thing. I have been struggling with a low sex drive too- mostly I think from BC- but we do what we can. I’ve found patience is a thing and being okay with sex weekly-ish- I try for weekly- but sometimes- it just doesn’t happen. And it’s okay- cuddling on the couch enjoying is company is good for my soul.
Hugs- I feel the pain.
Post # 4
anndck: i can’t really help much here because my husband and I are long distance due to the military. I am on third shift though and can say my schedule fluctuates. Some days i can wake up early. Some days i sleep late and wake up late. Other days i am in bed all day. Thirds really can mess with your body. I’ve done it for almost 8 years and my schedule is never a set schedule. Sorry i know this doesn’t really help much with your question but just try to work through it as much as possible because it’s hard on the both of you.
Post # 5
anndck: I work the night shift and my fiance works regular hours and it sucks. I’m always so exhausted, I’ve gained weight from working nights so I don’t even feel attractive. I work every other weekend. So we usually try on my days off, but it’s difficult because I’m still tired. We make sure we spend time together atleast, but he knows if I am tired sex won’t be much fun anyway. Right now we aren’t having sex because I’m getting an iud on monday, but we usually have sex atleast once a week and we are trying to focus on increasing that, but like I said it’s difficult.
Post # 6
anndck: Hi! My Darling Husband works 7pm to 7 am on a texas two step (so he goes two days on, two days off, three days on, two days off, two days on, three days off) and I have a monday through friday ( but 4 out fo the 5 days are like 8 – 930, I have long hours)
So basically we have sex on the days he is off work only. usually right before I go to bed at night. Then he just stays up and I fall asleep.
And we really only have sex 1, 2 times a week. Thats totally normal for most couples so don’t let that bum you out. Most people arent having sex 5 or 6 times a week especially if you have been together for a while.
Post # 7
anndck: Also, How new to third shift is your DH? I know when my Darling Husband started midnights he needed like a month to get to a point where he wasn’t asleep all he time and could get a schedule sorted out.
Working midnights is hard but it can work, you just have to be flexible. And to the poster above who said marriages fall a part and it really hard with midnights, I know a LOT of people with children who Love the midnight shift. Mom and dad don’t have to use sick time when kids need to stay home from school, they save on daycare ect.
Its not conventional but it can work! Granted its not for everyone some people just cannot work midnight shift for health reasons.
Post # 8
I primarily work nights 615-7 am(nurse) plus have an over hour commute each way while my husband works 8-430 M-F 10 minutes away from home. The different shifts are hard for me more because it cuts back our time In general. As far as sex, we still keep it spontaneous but more so on my days off. I wouldn’t say asking him to change his sleep schedule is necessarily a good idea though. Working nights is very very hard on the body. Your body naturally wants to be asleep, so believe me when we hit the sheets in the morning we sre beyond exhausted. Maybe some nights instead of cooking a big meal You could have something quick like a sandwich so you can have time together before work? You can make it work!
Post # 9
Do you have a slow cooker? Your husband could turn it in before he goes to bed, then when you get home dinner is done and you don’t have to waste any “together” time by cooking dinner.
My my husband is a shift worker (12 hour shifts, 7-7.) He has a 30 minute commute each way. His shifts rotate so he works days, nights, weekdays and weekends. When we were dating, we lived apart and I had office hours with a long commute so when he worked nights during the week, we just didn’t see each other. Now, we live together and I work from home so it is much easier to spend time together. That said, I’ve begun to use the slow cooker, precut veggies, really anything that I can do to make the food preparation part faster so we can spend more time together. It sounds silly but it does help. He’s been working nights for the past 6 weeks for a special project and it is more difficult with that schedule. We basically agree in advance that there will be afternoon delight later. If we don’t make a co scio is effort , it is less likely to happen. Shift work is tough, but couples can get through it! Many of my husband’s older coworkers are married with families. We also try to do our “individual stuff” when the other is working so that when both of us are off, we don’t have to run errands, do laundry, etc.
Post # 10
Yeah not joking, I quit my job to spend more time with my husband. He works 2:30-10:30 pm but sometimes it’s 4 hours more either before or after his normal hours. He only gets 1 day off every 2 weeks so we only saw each other Saturday and Sunday mornings if he wasn’t called in early. Now we have every morning together as long as he’s not away on a trip so we do it first thing in the morning. While I was working I would stay up late until he got home usually after midnight because of a late push and we would do it then. Of course I was always too tired the next day at work, but sometimes you have to put yours and your spouses happiness first. I’m not saying you have to quit your job, but I did (it was toxic anyway) and our marriage has gotten so much better.
Post # 11
i am freaking out. i start school in jan and we are moving in possibly over thanksgiving week. we have not lived together before, my first time moving out. im trying to not let it bring me down but i seriously do not know what or how our time will be spent yet. because the only night i have free is tuesdays.
Post # 12
I work nights shifts. 6p-6a on a rotating 2 on, 2 off, 3 on, 3 off. My husband works 24 hour shifts every 3 days. One piece of advice I will give is DO NOT ask him to mess up his sleep hours. Think of it this way, if he came into your room asking you to wake up at 2am to spend time together, would you be happy? Night shifters operate backwards and my 2pm is your 2am. You learn to make it work, and it will if you are patient.
Post # 13
i work 8-4 monday – saturday
he works 6-8pm monday to saturday..
i always initiate… hes always on the phone at home working if not at work. drives me nuts.
Post # 14
I’m a nurse and work 7p-7a three days a week (Which is full time for a nurse). Sometimes I pick up a day shift too. My Fiance works 8-4 M-F. We have been doing this for almost 2 years. Honestly, it makes us appreciate each other more. It forces us to spend the 4 nights a week I have off together and plan to actually do something, watch a certain movie or make dinner together. I think if people say night shift ruins marriages then they need to reevaluate the relationship. Its work and a time commitment